Superman's ERPHA V5 journal

[Superman]

So I made the jump and decided to take a break from UMS2 to run ERPHAv5.  I've been going through a lot in life recently and I've been trying to heal and improve myself as much as possible.

Ive been feeling a little burned out on self help and motivation things and thought that maybe this would be able to get me over the hump.  

I've been doing a lot of positive mindset work and meditations. Self worth, Mindfulness, stoicism, embracing all parts of myself. Forgiveness for myself, my past and my mistakes.  I haven't taken too much in the form of real tangible action. 

I have a lot of guilt shame and fear especially surrounding women and sex which has had negative effects on all my relationships. I believe I'm a typical "nice guy" as described as Dr Glover. Always trying to be nice to get what I want instead of taking responsibility for my needs. And getting upset when my needs don't get met. 

I have difficulty expressing emotions and dealing with tense situations.  In difficult situations I tend to freeze up, physically and mentally. My fight or flight response is all flight. I literally feel my thoughts go blank and my body tense up. 

Anyways enough self description of how much I need to work on. 

I don't know if I'll be running this sub for the full 8 months recommended. But I'll for sure give it at least a month or two.

[Superman]

Can @Shannon or anyone else provide the different use cases for erpha5 vs Of3?

I just assumed erpha5 was more advanced and went with that. As well as reading the description eprha involved a lot of guilt shame as well as fear. While OF is just fear.

Did I make the right choice?

[RTBoss]

Can @Shannon or anyone else provide the different use cases for erpha5 vs Of3?

I just assumed erpha5 was more advanced and went with that. As well as reading the description eprha involved a lot of guilt shame as well as fear. While OF is just fear.

Did I make the right choice?

I think so.  The EHPRA series is amazing, and especially with what you've gone through, I think you'll find it helps you find relief & clarity.  Stick to it, now that you've started.  Looking forward to seeing how it helps!

[GreekGod22]

For how long were you on UMSv2?

[CatMan]

Not to be redundant...

But the book I recommended to you the other day is seemingly able to help you here, greatly. I read it right after No More Mr. Nice Guy, it cut a bit but opened my eyes further.

Please look at it, for your sake. Just wanted to bring it up again to you.

Without Embarrassment by Mike Pilinski.

[Superman]

For how long were you on UMSv2?

I was on UMS2 from the day it launched and I ran ums1 since sometime in 2019. So I've been on UMS1 and 2 for quite a while now. 

Not to be redundant...

But the book I recommended to you the other day is seemingly able to help you here, greatly. I read it right after No More Mr. Nice Guy, it cut a bit but opened my eyes further.

Please look at it, for your sake. Just wanted to bring it up again to you.

Without Embarrassment by Mike Pilinski.

Thanks I'll definitely check it out

[Superman]

I just finished my first 3 loops of ultrasonic. My brain feels like jello. A lot of head pressure especially on the temples and forehead. Will most likely take a nap before bed.

I tend to go pretty heavy on the loops and since I'm not sure if I'll do the full 8 months I might go above the loops in the instructions

I just want to be healed and free from all this, I want to live a happy life. Not riddled with all these negative things holding me back

[ReconGunner]

Head pressure is one of my consistent symptoms on E5, too. Since I'm a newbie to subs, I stick to the prescribed number of loops and let Auto Config guide the ASRB2 cycle. If that changes for me later, I'll roll with it.

Welcome to EHPRA v5. It's good stuff.

[Superman]

First update, decided to do some more loops overnight while sleeping. The sub is definitely doing something.

I'm really feeling fragile emotionally. The hurt and betrayal I'm feeling from the breakup is still there and about a week ago it really came back up after finding out some things.

I take a long time to get over things. I know I only just started the sub but I'm not feeling too great at the moment. I did have some dreams last night with people who I hope to never see again in my life. A lot of negative emotions right now.

[Superman]

Not to be redundant...

But the book I recommended to you the other day is seemingly able to help you here, greatly. I read it right after No More Mr. Nice Guy, it cut a bit but opened my eyes further.

Please look at it, for your sake. Just wanted to bring it up again to you.

Without Embarrassment by Mike Pilinski.

Started reading the book, you're right it does cut a bit while reading. In my current emotional state it stings a little bit extra. I'm going through it slowly but I hope to finish it by Friday

[CatMan]

Not to be redundant...

But the book I recommended to you the other day is seemingly able to help you here, greatly. I read it right after No More Mr. Nice Guy, it cut a bit but opened my eyes further.

Please look at it, for your sake. Just wanted to bring it up again to you.

Without Embarrassment by Mike Pilinski.

Started reading the book, you're right it does cut a bit while reading. In my current emotional state it stings a little bit extra. I'm going through it slowly but I hope to finish it by Friday

Oh, that's good to hear you're reading it, I'm glad. I think you'll gain benefit from it, man. It's a gem, but sadly obscure compared to a few others recommended to men like NMMNG from Dr. Glover.

[Superman]

Second day of e5: I did a shit ton of loops. I did 5 loops during the day while working and another 5 at night while sleeping.

A lot to unpack here. I had a bunch of dreams last night ranging from a giant cruise ship with a maze of ladders and and secret passageways to move through the ship. Many people I knew were there as well as my previous ex. It seemed like she was into me again. We were walking together and getting close with each other again. I did reach out to this ex a few days ago with no response.

My next dream was school related. I think it was like an elementary school atmosphere. Had to be like first or second grade. We were all adults and older people but we were all doing little kid activities and playing games. I think I always had anxiety about school. I did like school as a kid as well, because of my friends and the games. My brother was there as well, and something was wrong with him and I was trying to help him. My brother and I don't get along well in real life so this is a little uncharacteristic of us. Then I was caught up doing something at the schools and didn't realize class had started but I didn't know where to go. The teachers names were written on a board just like in my childhood on the first day of school. Except I didn't know where to even find these teachers. I roamed around for a little bit walking through other classes looking for anyone I knew until I believe I found it. I went in the classroom and sat down. It was more of a college atmosphere than an elementary school.

All in all I liked having dreams again. I hope some heavy work is getting done inside.

[Superman]

So I joined a support group for recovering nice guys. Had the first meeting today. I still can't really believe that I actually took action in this direction.

These men are so honest and open exposing their thoughts, fears and emotions. So much vulnerability. It's something I could really learn from. I think this group could really be good for me. Side note I think one of the group members is a forum member here lol, I'm just assuming from the way he spoke about guilt shame and fears.

I've been going extra hard on the loops lol. I know it's probably too much but I want to do it. Exhaust my brain so completely. Did 5 loops during the day while working and I have another 10 loops queued up for this evening+overnight. I'm definetly feeling the pressure in my head. I'm expecting some dreams tonight lol.

I definitely feel a shift in emotion and attitude since I started running the sub. Also more willingness to do things that I've been hesitant or afraid to do. Signed up for a dating app and started making a profile and swiping right. I've never done the online dating thing and I guess I've had anxiety that someone I know would find me on it, or even worse I might actually match with someone and have to meet them lol.

It's getting dark very early here now so I don't even feel like getting out of the house after work lately

[Superman]

Yup, definetly had some dreams last night. Can't remember them all too clearly. Not sure if I'll continue blasting my brain with the subs for today, might take today off and start again tomorrow or sat.

But what I can say is that I'm feeling much better than I was a few days ago. Shift to the positive side. Not completely but enough to help me get through the day and do things that are beneficial to me.

Update: decided to blast my brain for one more day. I'll take Fri - Sun off