Super Fluff - Journal

[Fluffy]

I had my first night off from sub last night.

There is hardly anything to report....

I am procrastinating applying for that job I mentioned above that the guy called me up about, I don't really know why. What comes to mind is that I don't what nothing to come in the way of my Krav Maga training, or the English study I need to do in the evenings once a week starting in September.

My previous plan was to do a degree next year but months ago I found out I needed to do a few years worth of things first before I can get to that stage. I am cool with it now, as I agree doing these things first will help me to be able to work at the degree level anyway, so I will still be improving, all along the way. Better late, than never.

I have not been looking, or even applying to any other jobs. I feel like I am waiting for something. The English thing is important as I need to do this for 10 months before I can get onto another year course, so I can then get onto a degree. So this English course is the first step. I will be having the enrolment this month, waiting for the letter to come through.

At future potential jobs I will have to say I do Krav 3-4 times a week in the evenings and English once a week in the evenings, strength training twice a week, love making once a week... if you can fit the work around this then we will get on ok'ish lol.

I am kinda in limbo, I could change my mind at any moment. As earlier today I thought to myself, "I could just do it right now" but I had feelings of not wanting to and then I thought of the work coming in the way of the things I want to do and I enjoy doing.

Maybe soon this will change, as long as a job does not come between me and my wants then things will be fine.

Apart of me thinks US/LM can sort out, arrange things behind the scenes so I then see more clearly the right actions for me, when they need to be taken. Kind of highlighting the right opportunities for me to go where I want to go and me realising them in the moment and feeling inspired to act with an inner knowing when I see them.

Is that too much to ask?

[Fluffy]

I am laying here in bed on my second night off and now unable to sleep.

I have been having thoughts that life is hard. I have never actually admitted that to my self. Just being alive and living this human experience is hard work.

The contrast between how I would like my life to be (Or imagined it to be) and where I actually am, is making me feel/see the difference.

It's very strange because I can see how we have desires, wants, wishes, goals etc be it sexual, romantic, material, financial, spiritual etc and things are not that straight forward to fulfill that natural desire within. Like Society is full of B.S. for one and even though I know this for quite a while, these B.S thoughts are still there, I am aware of them, as if my brain has soked them up as a sponge all my life, without me being consciously aware of it and thinking they are just me, when really they are alien malware convincing me it is something genuine and beneficial and actually me.

I know this but I am now seeing how I am not actually me.

[Zane]

Looks like u are getting aware of all BS which has been stopping u from moving forward.

[Fluffy]

Maybe.

I have tried to move forward for many years, even with other subs. So, I am not going to hold my breath. I might take a new approach that I have never taken before...which is to accept that I won't be able to change things. Make peace with what is, instead of fighting against it. Finally just give up.

The struggle, the hardness of "life" has always been within and has always been perpetuated by me. Instead of being hard on my self whilst not succeeding, it would be more productive to be easy on my self whilst not succeeding.

Anyway, I am rambling. I really want to not write in this journal for a while, because I have only been listening to this sub for a week and as not much has been happening in terms of tangible results it's easy to ramble on about thoughts, which is ultimately pointless, if nothing changes externally in my physical reality.

So, until then...have a good meal.

[Zane]

90 Days.. Buddy.. U need atleast 90 days before u can judge how a sub worked for ya..

[Fluffy]

Yeah... I know man.

I feel I am procrastinating more than usual for sure, doing things feels like a lot of effort.

Apart of me wishes I went down the UM/OP path instead. But it would be silly for me to think there would be no procrastination and lack of motivation with that too.

I am feeling down for sure, yeah we will see how things are after 3 months.

I will update when multiple positive things have happened.

[wolverine_i_am]

Just adding my thoughts. Keep at it and see how you go, man. It's still early days. I'm personally getting tons of motivation and less procrastination on USLM. It's definitely working for myself and a lot of people. Hopefully soon it'll kick in for you too, and you'll be happy you made the right choice. Cause it seems to me USLM does more than UMOP, so you're getting the better deal.

[Fluffy]

I pulled a back muscle in Krav tonight, heard/felt it pop followed by lots of pain, I actually feel like I have been shot in the back. I have bought some Ibuprofen, hopefully it eases the pain I feel, as it hurts when I breathe. This sucks because I gotta train hard for my next grading in October. This is unlucky indeed

[Shannon]

I wouldn't say it was unlucky, I would say it was stressing a muscle beyond its tensile strength limits.

[Fluffy]

That is one way to look at it.

Another way is that everything that lead up to that moment could of been for a successful outcome or an unsuccessful outcome.

The path that manifested was an unsuccessful outcome, if thinking of myself wanting to train consistently for upcoming grading event.

If I wanted to chillout/lay down more often and not train, this would of been a successful outcome too, but this is not what I want.

What made me say unlucky (I don't believe in luck...I create my own reality), is that it happened with a movement that was nothing out of the ordinary. That in itself is a negative manifestation, that I created...which is unusual.

I am using US/LM, so only expressing what is happening. Soon as positive things happen, I will express that too.

[Fluffy]

Just feeling negative and down, it's more of a challenge to just feel netural. If I stopped this subliminal I know for a fact I would feel million times better.

If I'm being honest, I am starting to think that Shannon's subliminals don't actually work for me, I am not compatible with them, as all they seem to do is make me feel like shit.

When I think back, none of them have helped change my life. The times when I have is when I was not using subs and using emotional based visualization.

You manifest what you feel majority of the time. If my response to US/LM is feeling opposite of feeling good, don't see how I can manifest good feeling things.

After DMSI, I thought this "non experimental subliminal" would be different.

Am I insane? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result?

I seriously don't think anything outside myself can help me.

I can't get myself to get a part-time job, something that should be so simple.

I had thoughts come up the other day of why I can't make myself get a job:

I am different, I don't fit into society, working out there and getting a job is "normal", I am not normal.

If I got a job I would have to pretend to be someone else. Someone that gives a fuk about things I don't give a fuk about.

I just don't give a fuk, why would someone want to hire someone who don't give a fuk.

I have a history of quiting most jobs I have had, so I can't use any for a reference.

I am worried about getting a job and feeling negative emotions, trapped, slaving my life away....which will make me contemplate the pointless existence of human life to just come here and work, doing things we don't want to do.

I don't like doing what other people want me to do

I like being honest and even to a authority figure, my honesty could easily lose my job

I am my own boss, even if I am not! People won't like that, so I would have to be different. I would have to change to please other people...

So how am I meant to get through this stuff? If it feels like this is who I am?

Just so I can get myself to get a part-time job?

[Zane]

I would recommend you to stick to it and if it's making u feel worse then it's working. Believe I have felt so worse but in the End ur Sub learns and things start going ur way..

I would use Shannon sub and believe me even using MLS-5.5G and MHS-5.5G I used to feel so lazy and drained and sometimes so bad that I would feel as If I had no hope.. I felt like that for like a year.



Use this sub for 3 months and after that u can give UM-OP a shot.

Dont change and run away from subs its not gonna help.. I used to think like you but I always had hope.. Dont loose it..

Also looks like that part time job offer is still kinda hovering around u and u just think about it makes u feel stressed.

If these opportunities are coming in front of you then I believe that you are attracting things which could lead to success but I think the lack of Motivation.. Could be what's making u think that, that part time job is exhausting.. Even I used to think that that.. Try USLM then after that UM-OP..

Stopping the sub won't fix anything.. So Better keep playing and with time thing will flow - that's what would keep telling myself when I felt like shit which was like forever..

[DarkTempatation]

Fluffy. Just keep going. When you are going through hell keep going. Try not to focus on the sub. Because it's running in your mind regardless. Keep going and if you still think nothing is working. Maybe have a break then come back to this because 5.5g is very powerful Indeed.

[Fluffy]

I will do my best to keep going, I just wish I was a productive action taker that gets shit done everyday. That must feel amazing to be that person. Just think how much stuff could get done in a year if you just did all the stuff you needed to do each day!

Anyway, if I did 3 months of this... I can't keep buying stuff, just because the next thing is new and shinny and meant to be better than the previous version. Hopefully by then we should have some real tangible long term results by people using these subs.

In the future I am not going to buy any subliminal until way way way after it has been released and I see enough tangle evidence of success with the sub to base my decision on buying it, 6 months after would be efficient!

I have been way too careless in throwing money at this stuff. No more!