10-24-2018, 10:34 PM
The 40 year old woman, before meeting, ended up asking me questions about my prospects of settling down. I could of lied and probably would of ended up having sex with her but I don't like qualifying myself so I basically just told her everything she did not want to hear. She quickly made it known that she is looking for someone to settle down with. That was that.
I am starting to realise how much my belief system has been sucked into the facts of I can't get with a decent woman unless I have a lot of money, my own house and a decent career. I hate that I believe this but women young and now old, keep confirming this to me and it makes me feel like I can't have a beautiful woman until I have my own house, a decent career, and have a lot of money.
Knowing that I don't have these things, makes me feel like I am not good enough to have a beautiful woman at my side for varies reasons.
I have not run as many loops tonight. Going to just let it bloom now...I can't be fucked with women, especially with these beliefs I have.
The funny paradoxical thing is, If I was financially well off I would probably despise them and wouldn't give them a time of day anyway, based on the fact they didn't want me when I had less money.
I am starting to realise how much my belief system has been sucked into the facts of I can't get with a decent woman unless I have a lot of money, my own house and a decent career. I hate that I believe this but women young and now old, keep confirming this to me and it makes me feel like I can't have a beautiful woman until I have my own house, a decent career, and have a lot of money.
Knowing that I don't have these things, makes me feel like I am not good enough to have a beautiful woman at my side for varies reasons.
I have not run as many loops tonight. Going to just let it bloom now...I can't be fucked with women, especially with these beliefs I have.
The funny paradoxical thing is, If I was financially well off I would probably despise them and wouldn't give them a time of day anyway, based on the fact they didn't want me when I had less money.
