StridingStrider's AM6 Journal

[StridingStrider]

Stage 2 Day 11

Yesterday felt a bit nervous again. I always try and hide it but I just feel fake af. It's like I'm wearing a mask. Bah.

On the upside when I was meditating again in the morning I released some more tears, then later that night I tried the same thing and it felt empty. No sadness I could feel. This really underlines how detached I am from my feelings.

I've begun looking into trauma release exercises to see if it makes any difference. I feel like there's something that needs to come out. Previously I've tried Primal Screaming and it didn't do anything for me. Perhaps this will.

As for dreams; I had some but can't remember. Fml.

[Jake2015]

Stage 2 Day 11

Yesterday felt a bit nervous again. I always try and hide it but I just feel fake af. It's like I'm wearing a mask. Bah.

On the upside when I was meditating again in the morning I released some more tears, then later that night I tried the same thing and it felt empty. No sadness I could feel. This really underlines how detached I am from my feelings.

I've begun looking into trauma release exercises to see if it makes any difference. I feel like there's something that needs to come out. Previously I've tried Primal Screaming and it didn't do anything for me. Perhaps this will.

As for dreams; I had some but can't remember. Fml.

Dont worry about remembering or forgetting the dreams bro. As long as you know you had a dream then you had something. Whether its DMSI or not is another matter, but im hoping that if we have dreams and it is DMSI then its a sign DMSI is dealing with something.

[StridingStrider]

Stage 2 Day 11

Yesterday felt a bit nervous again. I always try and hide it but I just feel fake af. It's like I'm wearing a mask. Bah.

On the upside when I was meditating again in the morning I released some more tears, then later that night I tried the same thing and it felt empty. No sadness I could feel. This really underlines how detached I am from my feelings.

I've begun looking into trauma release exercises to see if it makes any difference. I feel like there's something that needs to come out. Previously I've tried Primal Screaming and it didn't do anything for me. Perhaps this will.

As for dreams; I had some but can't remember. Fml.

Dont worry about remembering or forgetting the dreams bro. As long as you know you had a dream then you had something. Whether its DMSI or not is another matter, but im hoping that if we have dreams and it is DMSI then its a sign DMSI is dealing with something.

Yeah I just enjoy remembering them.

Stage 2 Day 12

Interesting day. Spent the day talking to girls online. Got a black girls number who looks to be DTF but shes plus size and lives some distance away. Spent the night talking dirty with another girl. And got messaged by another.

I had two dreams that I sort of remember. In one there was a piece of wood from a tree that had the bark removed and in another I was naked in front of my mom. I was embarrassed but just covered my genitals up.

[StridingStrider]

Stage 2 Day 13

Need to add another day to my end date. Was up til about 6am talking with another girl who messaged me. I need to stop doing this.

She's not the prettiest but DTF. Kind of luck warm about it now. I think I'd enjoy fucking her but it's going to require some traveling. Motivation is low. Haha.

The headphones fell off me last night, so I probably only got a few hours exposure. And I somehow bit my lip?

Needless to say I didn't have any dreams last night.

[StridingStrider]

Stage 2 Day 14

Forgot to mention I've been doing the Trauma Release Exercises. Namely the leg shakes. It definitely does what it says, but as far as the results go it's too early to say. Certainly after a session you feel much more relaxed so maybe there's something to it.

Started getting annoyed with the girls who's numbers I've got. Don't really feel like talking to them. In my mind I just want to fuck them and go. On the other hand it feels pointless to just have sex. It's not really important.

As for dreams they're back. One turned wet again and in another I think I was fighting. Details are a bit hazy.

Also day 70 of nofap/semen retention.

[StridingStrider]

Stage 2 Day 15

Looks like I'm going to be doing some traveling. Black girl I met online is totally DTF and can't wait for me.

Yesterday went pretty well. Headed to the gym again and as soon as I come in a girl has her eyes on me. I look at her back before going into the changing rooms.

Started having a wash and I think a guy is into me. He stands outside of his showering cubicle to dry himself off and he's facing me. Smh.

Did my TRE exercises before I went to sleep, and massaged my stomach area. Makes breathing feel a lot smoother.

Had a dream about a serial killer who ends up coming after me. And another one I can't remember.

Black girl really wants to fuck me. Dayum.

[StridingStrider]

Stage 2 Day 16

Yesterday went well again. Felt pretty good.

Nothing much to report.

Dreams were interesting. One was about disciplining one of my dogs after I think he's tearing the place up (which turned out to be wrong) and another was about going in our bath which is leaking which then lead to a girl in my dream who I assume is my girlfriend berating a coworker of mine. I think I also had a fight that I won.

[StridingStrider]

Stage 2 Day 17

Yesterday went pretty good again. Feel lazy af on AM. Don't really want to do anything but chill. Annoying.

Continue to do my TRE exercises. Still don't feel it going up to my back like you see in some videos. Still, I'm also incorporating bio energetic breathing which produces the shakes into your back so hopefully that's working to release some trauma.

Slept late last night. Couldn't get to sleep til about 8AM but got my required listening time and had some dreams. Can't remember them exactly. Hopefully it doesn't affect me too much today.

[StridingStrider]

Stage 2 Day 18

TRE and breathing exercises really seem to be helping. Didn't realize I was so tight along my airway.

Yesterday went well again. People seemed happier and I was less nervous.

Probably won't be fucking the black girl. Too far & uninterested. Haven't spoken to her for two days now.

Getting increased attention from girls online, strange.

[StridingStrider]

Stage 2 Day 19

Feeling calmer still.

Went to the gym again, saw a hot girl and initially the anxiety came back but dissipated after some breathing. This is progress for me.

Continuing with TRE and Bioenergetics.

[JCasterlin]

Stage 2 Day 15

Looks like I'm going to be doing some traveling. Black girl I met online is totally DTF and can't wait for me.

Yesterday went pretty well. Headed to the gym again and as soon as I come in a girl has her eyes on me. I look at her back before going into the changing rooms.

Started having a wash and I think a guy is into me. He stands outside of his showering cubicle to dry himself off and he's facing me. Smh.

Did my TRE exercises before I went to sleep, and massaged my stomach area. Makes breathing feel a lot smoother.

Had a dream about a serial killer who ends up coming after me. And another one I can't remember.

Black girl really wants to **** me. Dayum.

DTF?

[StridingStrider]

Stage 2 Day 15

Looks like I'm going to be doing some traveling. Black girl I met online is totally DTF and can't wait for me.

Yesterday went pretty well. Headed to the gym again and as soon as I come in a girl has her eyes on me. I look at her back before going into the changing rooms.

Started having a wash and I think a guy is into me. He stands outside of his showering cubicle to dry himself off and he's facing me. Smh.

Did my TRE exercises before I went to sleep, and massaged my stomach area. Makes breathing feel a lot smoother.

Had a dream about a serial killer who ends up coming after me. And another one I can't remember.

Black girl really wants to **** me. Dayum.

DTF?

Down To Fuck

Stage 2 Day 16

Feeling good still. When I do get nervous it only feels so on the surface. Previously I'd have a lot of anxiety in my stomach, that's mostly gone.

[StridingStrider]

Stage 2 Day 16 cont

Forgot to mention I had a dream about my gums receding.

Stage 2 Day 17

Didn't get enough sleep as I had to get up early, and couldn't get to sleep earlier. Got my required listening time though.

Felt pretty good again. Still get nervous but I'm working on it.

Continuing with TRE and Bioenergetics. When I did my meditation noticed I got teary again, when I had another conversation with myself. I'm going to look into trying to make myself cry. Hopefully full on.

[StridingStrider]

Stage 2 Day 18

Felt so relaxed today. One of my best days. Confidence was high for the first time in ages. Really think the TRE exercises are working. Bioenergetics also help. I just have to remember to breath deeply.

Also changing my diet. Trying again to go raw as I've often considered it the best diet possible. But in the past I've been thrown off it due to my likeness for warm foods. We shall see.

Been getting a bit more emotional too. Tear up more easily then before when I think of things of importance to me. Interesting.

Got my hair cut by an alpha male. First one I've seen in a long time. He's so relaxed and based. Need to learn from him.