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+--- Thread: StridingStrider's AM6 Journal (/Thread-StridingStrider-s-AM6-Journal)
StridingStrider's AM6 Journal - StridingStrider - 03-14-2018
Hey,
I've decided to start a journal to write down my thoughts and document my progress. Also, considering six months is a long time to dedicate to something I might as well.
Just finished stage one so I'll recap my experiences. Also, full disclosure I've been practicing nofap/semen retention for the past 58 days which I feel has helped me out. I also use pheromones, namely Bad Wolf.
RE: StridingStrider's AM6 Journal - StridingStrider - 03-14-2018
So onward: Stage 1 recap
During stage one I noticed my thought patterns change. While walking home from the gym I tried to recall one of my self limiting beliefs that I often thought about and focused on that really sabotaged my interactions with women. I couldn't readily remember. It was as if I'd forgotten it long ago. Took some effort to remember but I easily let it go. Weird feeling.
My self confidence also had a boost. Often times I'd had this low level pit of anxiety in my stomach, that seemed to live with me wherever I'd go. Not a pleasant feeling. I won't say it's entirely gone, but greatly lessened.
I also quit coffee which isn't something I was able to do previously. Overall I'm pleased with the results thus far and excited this is only the first stage completed.
Looking forward to Stage 2!
RE: StridingStrider's AM6 Journal - Steve_ - 03-14-2018
Completing Am6 is quite the undertaking. I'm looking forward to your journal in the future! Good luck
RE: StridingStrider's AM6 Journal - Benjamin - 03-14-2018
Moved to mens 18+ section due to content.
RE: StridingStrider's AM6 Journal - StridingStrider - 03-15-2018
Stage 2
Day 1
Think I messed up slightly. I started on the 14th but it was the 13th night if that makes sense? Regardless, I had a fairly nice dream. I was driving a car I think and it broke down. I decided to push it up a hill on my own probably against better judgement and did it on my own. I don't remember much besides that.
Day 2
Mad day. Where to start? I've been messaging girls like crazy on POF. I think due to the semen retention I've been massively motivated to talk to girls. Been getting really nice results with a lot of replies etc.
Just before work a girl messages me saying shes DTF. I'm strapped for time as I need to start walking, so I try getting her number and rescheduling. Don't have much time left so I have to leave. First time I've been told by a girl shes DTF so I have both really pleased and a bit nervous lol. Great experience non the less. I know what girls are like and she was probably wanting the D that night but due to uncontrollable factors I couldn't do anything about it. Nevermind.
Work went quite well. I had a fat girl who I smiled at out of politeness seem interested in me. I wasn't into her but it was interesting.
Then when I got back I start messaging girls on POF again and a few take the bait. I ended up staying up until 5AM talking dirty with a drunk girl with a boyfriend. Again fun experience, something I never would of bothered with masturbating.
Also got an Asian chicks number off POF but she doesn't seem up for games. Might have to cut loose at some point.
So yeah not too shabby.
RE: StridingStrider's AM6 Journal - StridingStrider - 03-15-2018
Day 2 cont
Almost forgot. Had a really strange dream. In it I was with my brother for some reason and my nephew. I scare my brother and he gets really mad, but I don't flinch to him - cut to a restaurant scene where we're all sat at a table.
My nephew turns into a green insect (?) and I lose him. He is a baby at this point and I'm freaking out. I search the town for him. He gets into someones hair and jumps from them. I try to pick him up but he's slimy I don't want to. This insect jumps from me when I get near.
Then I meet up with my brother thinking wtf do we do he's so small and hard to find. Cut back to my bedroom where he's turned from an insect back into a baby and dangling from the window with one arm. I rush to grab him but he's so slimy he slips straight out of my grasp. I then watch him bounce from the ground presumably dieing and I feel awful.
Any psychological analysis would be welcome.
RE: StridingStrider's AM6 Journal - StridingStrider - 03-16-2018
Day 3
Had to discipline my nephew. Always felt kind of shy asserting myself but it went well. Still feels unnatural though. Still going crazy on POF.
Had some real talk with two girls on POF who I became annoyed with. I feel this is different from how I would usually act.
Day 4
Felt more anxious today. Still better then my previous usual but w/e. POF's died down a bit. I think I really need to routinely meditate.
Might add more to this but I can't really think of anything that stuck out.
RE: StridingStrider's AM6 Journal - StridingStrider - 03-19-2018
Day 5
Don't think I ran enough it for enough hours last night. I'm going to add another day to my end date to correct this. Whenever I fall asleep I think I need to have the audio running just encase I sleep longer then I expect.
Day 6
Went well. Had good conversation with people. One older women gave me good long eye contact, penetrated my soul lol.
Felt pretty good confidence wise. Felt a bit in my own head at some points. Also, I think I do better with louder volumes.
RE: StridingStrider's AM6 Journal - StridingStrider - 03-20-2018
Day 7
Not much to report. Started getting annoyed with girls on POF who just want to talk. Stopped talking to the Asian girl after she wouldn't follow my lead.
Also had strange dreams. One I was cleaning an old fashioned computer monitor, getting rid of the stains. That day I noticed my current monitor is kind of dirty, perhaps that's why?
In another I had a dream about being a werewolf. Don't remember much from it.
Day 8
Feel much more IDGAF messaging girls. I need them to prove themselves to me first. On going, I might update later.
RE: StridingStrider's AM6 Journal - Zane - 03-21-2018
Is this ur first time running AM6?
RE: StridingStrider's AM6 Journal - StridingStrider - 03-21-2018
Yes, it is
RE: StridingStrider's AM6 Journal - StridingStrider - 03-22-2018
Stage 2 Day 8 cont
Ended up getting deleted off POF for making a joke which a girl didn't like. Haha, too much IDGAF I think.
Stage 2 Day 9
Went to the gym. Had a good conversation with a MILF that was in there. Usually I would be very nervous, and I was to some extent but I pulled out a good performance which I'm happy with. Lots of laughing.
Also noticed some girls giving me looks. One was with her boyfriend, kind of chubby but doable. I find being on semen retention my libido is high and I'm far less picky.
Another girl kept playing with her boobs while she was swimming. She came out of the pool and pretended not to be aware I was there. Massive scaring on her tummy, otherwise very fit.
Work went well. Felt kind of beta at certain points. Not my best day but I'm growing.
Also dreams: had a wet dream and in another I was eating pizza inside some house I guess. I was kind of ashamed (too strong a word) for indulging in eating it as I eat healthily and it's not something I approve of.
I think my body is still adjusting to semen retention. I'm on day 66 of nofap and I've probably had like 4-5 wet dreams in that time. I'm thinking about sex a lot and my libido is high so it makes sense. Going to treat myself to a prozzie when I reach 90 days as a reward.
RE: StridingStrider's AM6 Journal - StridingStrider - 03-23-2018
Stage 2 Day 10
Interesting day. Remade my POF profile better then before. I'm enjoying the process of messaging girls.
Went to the gym again. Did my core and neck workout. Felt a bit self conscious, as I haven't worked out there in a long time. Wore a shirt that was tight af. There was one girl on a ski machine. She was with her partner and I didn't notice any looks.
Headed to the Sauna afterwards. Had a really good conversation with the men in there. Zero anxiety. In fact I kind of became the centre of attention at some points.
Then a beautiful girl came in past the Sauna and like clockwork all of the guys in there went quiet and followed her with their eyes. Haha. She later came in and I started feeling nervous again, but remained relaxed. Ended up exiting to get a shower, was getting way too hot. Should of got back into the sauna, but went into the steam room instead. Wondered if she might join me. Didn't happen. Never mind.
Once I got home and begun meditating instead of following my breath I decided to have a conversation with myself. I asked my subconscious why I'm getting nervous around beautiful women. I have some idea intellectually, but just asking that question along with affirmations caused me to tear up. Something is buried within me, and I need to let it out. I'm thinking crying is trauma release, so the more I cry the better. What I did notice is a lot of sadness within me. Other guys seem to have anger but mine is sadness.
As for the dreams: I woke up early due to dehydration from a late lunch. Up to that point I hadn't had a dreams which was kind of disappointing for me, haha. I love analyzing them. Went back to bed later and got my wish. The one I remember most was me being in a family friends house for some kind of event.
Long story short I stormed out as I felt everyone was against me. Some family friend tried to get me to come back but I just punched him to the floor. I guess this is me resisting the AM6 script?
RE: StridingStrider's AM6 Journal - Benjamin - 03-23-2018
Quote:As for the dreams: I woke up early due to dehydration from a late lunch. Up to that point I hadn't had a dreams which was kind of disappointing for me, haha. I love analyzing them. Went back to bed later and got my wish. The one I remember most was me being in a family friends house for some kind of event.
Long story short I stormed out as I felt everyone was against me. Some family friend tried to get me to come back but I just punched him to the floor. I guess this is me resisting the AM6 script?
Not necessarily. Those kinds of dreams are common on AM. It may also be some programming around standing up for yourself.
Early on (first few stages usually) you'll probably find yourself getting pissed off at people who have manipulated you or are trying to bring you down. That anger can be part of the process of starting to stand up for yourself. It evens out in the end.