03-20-2019, 01:15 PM
...Another thing I noticed was that especially on the off days I had to go much more often to the toilet than usual. I think some detoxing was going on. The detox reaction can be also another reason why I was so tired because this process usually takes a lot of energy, too. Saying that there could be problem we didn't think about as some substances get reintaken after processed through the liver, especially some heavy metals if there are no chelating agents available. And as DMSI is optimized to optimize the intake of the food we consumed this could even worse the problem. But maybe only substances get detoxed if they can be excreted safely, I don't know how SC handles this part.
Another problem I encountered shortly after I stopped was ED. I did some holiday and spend a week with the woman I learned in another country. But while she wanted sex almost all of the time it was not possible to give it to her becaused I either couldn't get up at all or I lost it before entering her. I met there another woman who also wanted to have some sex with me but we met only for a short time and it was not possible to do something. However, it would be probably not possible at all because I had no energy at all to do something. I had a bad sleep almost all of the week, which didn't help with anything. I also had the impression that sleeping with a woman (and I mean literally just sleeping) cost me also some energy. Like I am giving all my energy away. But that is something which seems to change because after I came back I felt like I have to care of myself and not paying attention to others and my energy seems not that much all over the place at the moment.
One more thing I have in my mind is not that much DMSI related, it's more related to USLM I think. I just noticed recently that my SC or at least some part of me seems to like problems and seems also to be somehow excited when bad things happen because then there is something to solve which I can prove myself in. I have been thinking about it recently why it happens and it is somehow along the lines: If I get a lot in trouble and manage to solve the problem then I prove that I am a good leader and others can follow me safely. It is like a poor and dangerous strategy to prove that I am alpha enough to be a leader. I even think it goes further than that it also proves my selfworth and literally that my existence is somehow "useful". And I am not even sure that I prove it more to others or just to myself over and over. This could be something that causes the "bad luck" because creating problems seem to be some kind of success in long term if I can solve it. So far for now, if I forgot something I will add it later.
Another problem I encountered shortly after I stopped was ED. I did some holiday and spend a week with the woman I learned in another country. But while she wanted sex almost all of the time it was not possible to give it to her becaused I either couldn't get up at all or I lost it before entering her. I met there another woman who also wanted to have some sex with me but we met only for a short time and it was not possible to do something. However, it would be probably not possible at all because I had no energy at all to do something. I had a bad sleep almost all of the week, which didn't help with anything. I also had the impression that sleeping with a woman (and I mean literally just sleeping) cost me also some energy. Like I am giving all my energy away. But that is something which seems to change because after I came back I felt like I have to care of myself and not paying attention to others and my energy seems not that much all over the place at the moment.
One more thing I have in my mind is not that much DMSI related, it's more related to USLM I think. I just noticed recently that my SC or at least some part of me seems to like problems and seems also to be somehow excited when bad things happen because then there is something to solve which I can prove myself in. I have been thinking about it recently why it happens and it is somehow along the lines: If I get a lot in trouble and manage to solve the problem then I prove that I am a good leader and others can follow me safely. It is like a poor and dangerous strategy to prove that I am alpha enough to be a leader. I even think it goes further than that it also proves my selfworth and literally that my existence is somehow "useful". And I am not even sure that I prove it more to others or just to myself over and over. This could be something that causes the "bad luck" because creating problems seem to be some kind of success in long term if I can solve it. So far for now, if I forgot something I will add it later.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.
