Shannon's OFv3 Journal

[NOMAD]

I had a conversation with my boss yesterday. He was very open with me about work,  personal issues, etc. This openness went both ways. That's big because I've never really trusted him. Yesterday, I actually felt a level of kinship with him.

[ncbeareatingman]

I had a conversation with my boss yesterday. He was very open with me about work,  personal issues, etc. This openness went both ways. That's big because I've never really trusted him. Yesterday, I actually felt a level of kinship with him.

 Right F**ckin' On Man!! Talk about a ground breaking program. wow.

[Shannon]

Last night, on my second night on, I woke up some time during the night. Something being processed kicked me out of sleep. Whatever it was, it was enough to wake me up, but it was so well dealt with that I felt no fear, and no anxiety, and in fact had no idea why I had awakened except a quickly fading memory of something having been "too exciting". I fell back asleep in a few seconds.

I almost never wake up during the might. I can count the number of times that has happened in my entire life on one hand. Once was last night, and that made me remember once was the night before last, on my second ASRB2 "first day on". I remembered that night before last, I had also exited sleep, and while I was conscious, I groaned. Some deeper part of me was trying to communicate through that groan that it was very uncomfortable. But as with last night, I awakened enough to be conscious, and then fell right back to sleep. There was no fear, no anxiety, no conscious awareness of upset.

That means the program is doing its job well. It's protecting the conscious awareness from the process of overcoming fear, and while that process isn't necessarily all flowers and candy for the deeper parts, it is getting done. That means the program is overcoming the resistance that would otherwise normally prevent progress.

I wish there were some way I could make the process easier for the fearful parts, but I have already done everything I can think of in that direction, and I don't think there's anything else that can be done.

This program is incredibly powerful, smooth and is definitely doing it's job. Even the backache is fading away, as if the muscles involved had been pulled from hypertension and are now healing and in fact mostly healed.

So far I'm really impressed and pleased, but I worry sometimes that the program is so good at what it's doing that some people won't be able to tell that it's working. After all, it's much easier to see high contrast than low, and much easier to notice fear than lack of fear.

[Shannon]

I had a conversation with my boss yesterday. He was very open with me about work,  personal issues, etc. This openness went both ways. That's big because I've never really trusted him. Yesterday, I actually felt a level of kinship with him.

No fear.  It's pretty amazing.

[Qiel]

Last night, on my second night on, I woke up some time during the night.  Something being processed kicked me out of sleep.  Whatever it was, it was enough to wake me up, but it was so well dealt with that I felt no fear, and no anxiety, and in fact had no idea why I had awakened except a quickly fading memory of something having been "too exciting".  I fell back asleep in a few seconds.

I almost never wake up during the might.  I can count the number of times that has happened in my entire life on one hand.  Once was last night, and that made me remember once was the night before last, on my second ASRB2 "first day on".  I remembered that night before last, I had also exited sleep, and while I was conscious, I groaned.  Some deeper part of me was trying to communicate through that groan that it was very uncomfortable.  But as with last night, I awakened enough to be conscious, and then fell right back to sleep.  There was no fear, no anxiety, no conscious awareness of upset.  

That means the program is doing its job well.  It's protecting the conscious awareness from the process of overcoming fear, and while that process isn't necessarily all flowers and candy for the deeper parts, it is getting done.  That means the program is overcoming the resistance that would otherwise normally prevent progress.

I wish there were some way I could make the process easier for the fearful parts, but I have already done everything I can think of in that direction, and I don't think there's anything else that can be done.

This program is incredibly powerful, smooth and is definitely doing it's job.  Even the backache is fading away, as if the muscles involved had been pulled from hypertension and are now healing and in fact mostly healed.

So far I'm really impressed and pleased, but I worry sometimes that the program is so good at what it's doing that some people won't be able to tell that it's working.  After all, it's much easier to see high contrast than low, and much easier to notice fear than lack of fear.

Relax, Shannon. When we said it's "smooth" it's really smooth in good way. So smooth that I personally can't describe it properly through word. And for anyone who don't speak or write English well, I have good news because I'm one of you and I can tell that this program works.

[Shannon]

Last night I had a dream that I was walking through a store with an odd looking humanoid creature that was spindly, gangly and seemed to be sexless. It had sections of limbs that were somehow too long and too skinny, and a head that was too small. It was light brown, and wore no clothes, and had skin that was not smooth but I don't know how to describe it. It seemed almost like a mismatched skeleton with some flesh, but not as much as a normal body would have, and the head was very reminiscent of a skull with skin, but again, not enough flesh.

This creature was walking with me, behind me, and I felt no fear of it. This was natural and as it should be in the dream. Then as I approached and started down the aisle furthest from the door, which was against a wall of the building, I felt a surge of fear, and the creature reacted by climbing up the shelves to the top and hiding behind some of the extra merchandise and boxes stored on the top shelf. These shelves were from floor level to well over 10 feet up, I would estimate. I felt the surge of fear, but it was blunted, muted and very short lived - about a second. It somewhat surprised me that this creature would react so swiftly and so definitively to hide. I attempted to call it and calm it down, but it was not responsive. So I told it to be comfortable in its own way, and I turned back to what was on the shelves, which was shipping and packing materials - bubble mailers, manila envelopes, bubble wrap, tape, etc.

After a few moments of doing this, I started back towards it and I called to it again, and comfortingly re-assured it that everything was okay, and it could come back down now. At this point, it moved from behind the boxes and came out, climbing down. I calmly and comfortingly spoke some more words to it, praising it for coming down and trusting me. It seemed to have no response to praise itself (i.e., was without ego) but responded to the calm, comforting caring energy I was sending it at the same time. It seemed to have the level of awareness a horse might have.

To my conscious mind, this thing - whatever it was - looked like it could be scary enough to others to cause them to respond the same way to it that it had reacted to this surge of fear, but it was very vulnerable, sensitive and afraid itself.

At the end of the dream, I was contemplating how to go about touching it in a calming, caring, comforting way, but I wasn't sure it would understand that. Then I was awakened by my dogs whining to go outside.