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Title: Samba DMSI + OF Journal.
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#1
Hi,

while I don't like to share details on my private life, but I figured the benefits I would reap from daily reflection is well worth it. I tried in the past to keep a private journal but I failed to stick with it, plus I never reflected on it.

English is not my first language, grammatical error is to be expected here xD 

I am keeping a public journal to:
1- Practice daily reflection.
2- To have an outside perspective on my own perception. 

 
I have two things I am mainly focused on:

1- To became financially free ( this means having sufficient monthly income with minimum effort ) < working for someone else is not the definition I have for 'Financial freedom' 
2- Become sexually irresistible to women who I am sexually attracted to. ( I had this goal for a long time, way before the existence of DMSI )

I feel my thoughts and routine is all over the place, I lack self discipline to maintain the same routine over extended period of time. I would like to get my thoughts and routine in order, with constant use of social media apps, I feel I am slowly losing my ability to focus and reason. And slowly shifting to automatic behavior, constantly checking Instagram, Snapchat and Whatsapp, these three apps are killing my brain for sure. Anyways I cant delete the app itself but I will definitely limit my use on them. 

I usually run DMSI in the morning and depending on how I feel at night I may run OF. I do both at 1 loop only, but sometimes I let OF run for the entire night until I wake up. Again I let the sub direct me on the usage pattern, I may skip a day or two.
 
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#2
Shortly after I started this journal, I started a dedicated journal for my trading activities in a trading forum. It's has been only one day and I can see the benefits reaping in. My entire state of mind seems to be shifted from aimless thoughts into a directional way of thinking. I think I had some fears holding me back from having a public journal. I just wasnt ready to be held accountable. Way to go OF.

In the other hand, DMSI seems to be doing good. Where ever I go women stare at me. Even with me wearing a mask. I also got few private DM in instagram from different women.

There is this one girl I have been seeing for years now, on and off. She loves me alot, but lately I feel I no longer share the same feeling. She feels I should be 100% hers. She thinks she deserves all my attention and focus. I feel I deserve more. More not in a sense to block her out of my life. No, just to limit my time with her. I feel I deserve more women beside her.


Another friend of mine started to text me more often and snapchat me more. This particular girl I am really interested in. She been playing hard for longest while. She has alot of fear holding her back. One of them is "i know after you get everything from me, you will ditch m". I got as far as making out with her only. but today she text me how she misses me so much and want to hug me until I can't breathe. Haha not sure where this is coming from.



Overall I am feeling great today. No work pressure. No stress. No fear.
I'm going to run 2 loops of OF tonight. Then I will see how I feel tomorrow. I may run one loop of DMSI tomorrow afternoon

For those who have been Journaling for years, please feel free to share tips on how to journal.
 
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#3
Day 3 journaling.
This morning I felt tired I wanted to sleep the whole morning, but I woke up at 9 am and started working, as we work from home these days.

I am loving this combination of OF and DMSI I feel really good. I started to communicate better and actually be myself, usually I don't feel much interest in others, I feel they are all just dumb and insecure always trying and pretending to be someone else with constant validation seeking. This is harsh but, its how I feel.

OF
It seems OF is improving all aspect of my life. I started to workout better, I am getting back my gains. I started to trade the financial market better, I am consciously monitoring my trading activity and also journaling and guiding others on how to trade. I am listening to the subs better, even this entire journal is came alive as a result of OF.

DMSI
OF seems to provide the way to DMSI success as well, not sure, but this run is definitely different than previous runs. I realized something major, I am not myself all the time. This is very important, people who get to see the true side of me always fall in love, whether guys or girls. If I can manage to be myself all the time, I would definitely make more relationships than ever. I actually realized this while I was watching SUITS, I realized the guy Mike in the series is almost always himself, whether he is around guys or girls. he is always him. Then I also remembered Hank Moody from Californication, he always behaves with the same personality around everyone. Does this mean I have personality disorder? to whatever degree? I think most of us suffer from it then, many of us shift personalities as we encounter different group of people.

I realized that I alter my personality, but I always thought it was a positive thing to do, because:

1- It protects me from certain people: I thought if I behave in certain way with some group of people who I don't like, it would make these people unattracted to me. Now this kind of behavior is coming from childhood, you can see why its a very conservatives approach. I now see, this is not a good thing to do, if I don't like someone I should instead understand why I don't like them and if I cant workout it out, then I should just distance myself, instead of behaving unattractively.

2- It protects my privacy: I am an INTJ, Virgo. So you can guess already that I am a lone wolf, and having my own time where I am alone is very important to me, in-fact I feel absolute best when I am alone. Now, this is all okay, but the question is, why do I think that people can take this away from me? This seems to be irrational fear, I mean I can be as attractive as I want and still have the luxury to be alone when I want. I don't have to behave in certain way to be un-attractive so that I can protect my privacy.

In the other hand, I also alter my personality to attract women, by:

--- Girls attraction (prolonged seduction?): I think when I meet any girl, it takes me very short time to know subconsciously what kind of personality would attract her, and because of this, I always tune a version of myself to that personality. Like I make that part of myself the dominant of my personality. This works great most of the time, Untttttil when I am around a group of people who all I tuned myself to different version of me in different time frames, here things can go wrong and I cant always find a middle ground. In fact this is not only around girls, but even when I am around a group that involves people I like and don't like, I will just behave very cold and quiet and get all over my head.



This is interesting, I love the realizations. Going to run 5 loops of OF tonight, and I will decide in the morning whether to run DMSI (1loop) in the afternoon or not.
 
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#4
Today was a great day,
I skipped DMSI run this afternoon, definitely was a good idea to allow execution. This girl who likes to play hard, called me and asked me to go for a run with her as usual, I felt like today she will soften up little and boy I was right. I am not going to go into details but one interesting thing to note is that each time I kiss her (I kissed her many times today) ,the expression on her face is something I don't see a lot. It looked like she smoked an entire joint of weed, she was feeling so good and melting. literally melting, I don't know how to describe it more.
What I like about this girl is she works really hard for for her future, and she doesn't expect anything from me, which is great, last thing I want is a girl who will want to make me her 24hr boy friend.

Tonight doing 1 loop of OF then in the morning I will do 2 loops of DMSI.

Nice stuff, my energy levels seems good as well, this is great, I expected that OF + DMSI will make me tired as hell. But I am wrong. its been smooth, maybe the first two days I over slept, but so far all good.
 
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