SM3 Run-1 Journal Opening to Sexuality & Outgrowing Illusions

[tolgaocal80]

stage 1 day 27

I believe aruas started to do their job.

-One girl approached me in the ring bus, she was sitting next to me, after a few minutes she asked if we past a station?,
I said no, there is more way to there, than asked her is it your first time boarding on this bus? She said smiling "No, sometimes I confuse about it, I just couldn't get used to it.

-One other girl just came near to me and she was very into me when she speaks on the phone, I didn't look her, but I feel her energy, she was full of energy, very charming. I meet that type of girl, they are really funny and eventful to deal with.

-Another just came and stood right in front me in the bus, since she didn't have to do that.


Now, I was very relaxed and reading on my kindle when, the girl ask about the station,  she was already looking the bus  route so she was already seeing it. It is obvious this was really an aprroach for her.

I could take this conversation to an another level if I was more playfull,  I could say something like that "are you serious we had past there for a long time ago ", and than with a few more question and responding, I could take number, instgram etc.
But I get very anxious about that someone asked me a thing, and responded very fast, so it remained just as a question, tension disappeared.

So what I learn today is,
- When some girl ask I about something (especially as an approach line) never tell the direct answer. Use "amusing mastery". I'll tell something funny, because I know she already dont need the answer.

And, married or older women not responding well to my aura now (which is good). I have to work on my responses to "people" not just women.

[tolgaocal80]

stage 2 day 5

- There is a assistant in my college, she was very cold, trying to be serious type of girl, 25-30 years old, she is supervisor in our labs.
She suddenly started to act like a little girl, she is touching me and say sorry, looking at my phone when I use it, trying to make jokes, playing with her hair when I looked at her etc.
well I am thinking how it would go if we date? but she is older than me, I am a inexperienced guy so dont know how to handle it. But definitely consciously or subconsciously she is showing IOI s and acting like attracted to me, she seems very self-confident.

- A girl in gym, said "get well soon" after I finished my set in press, literally got approached, but again I was on the otopilot (just focusing on answering, nervous) I said same to back her.

-When waiting for bus in college, a girl just stood in front of me ,face to face and very near, for a few minutes like she was gonna say something but after I thought I realized, actually she wanted to make me say something to her. She didn't do it, waited from me, I didn't talk neither, well next time I will try to make a conversation.

I feel like people whom approaching me, are not sure if I am an approachable, relax guy or not. They seems a little hesitant when they talk, but I never got approached this obvious before. They don't eyefucking me, they just coming very next to me trying to make physical contact or waiting from me to start a conversation.

Things getting really interesting, now I know why girls loves attention that much, because it feels so good and funny.
It is not hard to understand why so many people waiting to get DMSI here, attracting people, girls is fantastic.

[tolgaocal80]

stage 2 day 8

Nofap day 5
I am doing nofap, it is very hard even now but not will give up, Pmo was a big issue and was preventing me from finding and approaching a woman, so see how it ll effect in long term.

I was very tired and lifeless most of my life, don't have energy to do anything matter. İf i feel so much urge to do it, i will smoke cigars that times to prevent relapse

[tolgaocal80]

stage 2 day 12

nofap day 9

really feeling energetic, I am more relaxed, some of my attitudes about women and life seems to fade or change, which is good.

today I was very close to relapse but handled situation still on nofap, this shit is need more self-control, also dreamed some sexual stuff last night about my ex gf

[tolgaocal80]

stage 2 day 15

nofap 13

[tolgaocal80]

stage 2 day 21

nofap 19/180

wow, last night dream was amazing, I wish it will be real soon.

I was doing some job I dont know exactly what it was, I was feeling very very confident, feeling like able to do anything I want, than a girl came over from somewhere, she came near to me and hit me with laughing pretending to she felt. Then I grap her arms and told her: hey girl, I know what you are doing. We have to meet, what are you doing tomorrow night?, she said not tomorrow, today. Then I grapped her to my room we started fucking like in movies, slowly, it was too erotic.

My big issue was a cause of watching porn and masturbation, that shit was draining my sexual energy and I wasn't able to look for a real partner, because I didn't needed. Porn was very easy and gave me limitless options. All I did was watching porn and masturbate whenever I was available, I continuously run from a relationship with a real girl, because I wasn't know what I was gonna do with her and I didn't have any desire, lust, energy because of already watching porn and masturbate.
This vicious circle caused more and more. social anxiety, low self-esteem, self-shame... When I look at a girl, was feeling like what I did is shameful, even looking, forget about approaching.

Reading about nofap stories and scientific researches about it shows me, this was causing most of my problems with changing plasticity of the brain. Doing a 6 months of nofap to see, how it will change.

[Raykon]

stage 2 day 21

nofap 19/180

wow, last night dream was amazing, I wish it will be real soon.

I was doing some job I dont know exactly what it was, I was feeling very very confident, feeling like able to do anything I want, than a girl came over from somewhere, she came near to me and hit me with laughing pretending to she felt. Then I grap her arms and told her: hey girl,  I know what you are doing. We have to meet, what are you doing tomorrow night?, she said not tomorrow, today. Then I grapped her to my room we started fucking like in movies, slowly, it was too erotic.  

My big issue was a cause of watching porn and masturbation, that shit was draining my sexual energy and I wasn't able to look for a real partner, because I didn't needed. Porn was very easy and gave me limitless options. All I  did was watching porn and masturbate whenever I was available, I continuously  run from a relationship with a real girl, because I wasn't know what I was gonna do with her and I didn't have any desire, lust, energy because of already watching porn and masturbate.
This vicious circle caused more and more. social anxiety, low self-esteem, self-shame... When I look at a girl, was feeling like what I did is shameful, even looking, forget about approaching.

Reading about nofap stories and scientific researches about it shows me, this was causing most of my problems with changing plasticity of the brain.  Doing a 6 months of nofap to see, how it will change.

It will definitely help, I've done no FAP for 180 days before. It will help with your dopamine levels being more stable and giving you more motivation, I recommend researching dopamine on YouTube , it is the main reason of how you feel , your mood and your motivation levels.

[tolgaocal80]

stage 2 day 21

nofap 19/180

wow, last night dream was amazing, I wish it will be real soon.

I was doing some job I dont know exactly what it was, I was feeling very very confident, feeling like able to do anything I want, than a girl came over from somewhere, she came near to me and hit me with laughing pretending to she felt. Then I grap her arms and told her: hey girl,  I know what you are doing. We have to meet, what are you doing tomorrow night?, she said not tomorrow, today. Then I grapped her to my room we started fucking like in movies, slowly, it was too erotic.  

My big issue was a cause of watching porn and masturbation, that shit was draining my sexual energy and I wasn't able to look for a real partner, because I didn't needed. Porn was very easy and gave me limitless options. All I  did was watching porn and masturbate whenever I was available, I continuously  run from a relationship with a real girl, because I wasn't know what I was gonna do with her and I didn't have any desire, lust, energy because of already watching porn and masturbate.
This vicious circle caused more and more. social anxiety, low self-esteem, self-shame... When I look at a girl, was feeling like what I did is shameful, even looking, forget about approaching.

Reading about nofap stories and scientific researches about it shows me, this was causing most of my problems with changing plasticity of the brain.  Doing a 6 months of nofap to see, how it will change.

It will definitely help, I've done no FAP for 180 days before. It will help with your dopamine levels being more stable and giving you more motivation, I recommend researching dopamine on YouTube , it is the main reason of how you feel , your mood and your motivation levels.

I watched a few videos about how it effects neurology and social life, it was causing a great deal of shame and anxiety towards girls. I am in nofap for 21 days and it seems like objectification fading more and more, and sexual desire getting higher, maybe this is because of also SM3, idk but I am committed to doing a full 6 months of nofap.

For now SM3 mostly doing inner work rather than outer, I need this. I have an idea of "being able to approach any girl any place without trying hard". What I realize is, when I talk to people that I haven't met, I am able to smile without pretending it and feeling creepy, and most of the shame about sexuality is going away.

[tolgaocal80]

stage 2 day 24

I am feeling very handsome, actually rather than feeling I shaved my face and realized, I am looking more handsome than I was shaved face looks more good than bearded.

nofap day 22

I was reading stoic materials for a long time, those guys are pure rebellious self confident alpha males,
Some reading was about being in control of oneself and ones desires, lust, taking cold showers, but I never understand what they really mean until started to do nofap. Social anxiety is going away and women doesn't look like objects
porn stars, whom I never be with anymore. Number one rule for an alpha male is self-control and determination, so doing nofap is one of the most challenging way of developing self-control.

for SM3
No much stuff for now except upper explain,
Yesterday one guy talked to me and was saying he is upset because of he didn't say "Bon appetite!" when he was leaving, weird stuff.

Years ago, when I dont do pmo, I remember how I was feeling the day, enjoy of living, confident. I want that state of mind again.

[tolgaocal80]

stage 2 day 29

Nofap day 27

nofap is being harder as days move on, really feeling horny. I don't even look photos of girls in instagram, lol.
but brain fog is gone, Idk how to identify that feeling but it is like I have been dead for years and now starting to see that I live again, strange emotions.

[tolgaocal80]

stage 2 day 31

very increased sex drive, dm'd a girl from past who I picked up in a class successfully and she still responding positive even I ghosted her 2 times back then.

When you act like alpha to a girl when first meet, what I see is whatever you do, she will still likes you. Anyway I dm'd girl and talked a bit, now I intend to date her idk if that'll happen, gotta see her attitude also.

Girls around is really showing close interest, they dont approach exactly but,i they try to initiate some talk, idk if this is sexual, but they are very friendly and smiling, I am not used to feel like that, so this is a serious progress for me.

Also I talk more to people around me, they also men and women both, talking to me really nice and friendly. This kind of alphaness better than AM's mood. I can feel I am now one of them, I mean social anxiety going down when talking to people.

Nofap day 30

finally hit that one month mark on nofap. Like I say I am completely removing this pmo shit from my life
Effects so far:

More energetic,
Brain fog (not knowing what to do and general emptiness) decreased to very low levels.
Shame, feeling guilty faded,
some other things and, I believe when I do pmo, there was an image on my face, that "fapper-coomer" face gone.
Emotions, feeling feels more real, fresh.
Seeing women as objects so freezing when talking to them, is faded.
Maybe this effects because of SM3, idk but combining them is really refreshing in my life.

[Raykon]

Sm is a great subliminal, when i was on Stage 3 when I was 19 I was having amazing results, super close to having s threesome too. I'm glad you're having good results , excited for your progress.

[tolgaocal80]

Sm is a great subliminal, when i was on Stage 3 when I was 19 I was having amazing results, super close to having s threesome too. I'm glad you're having good results , excited for your progress.

thx Raykon

[tolgaocal80]

stage 3 day 3

Clean days 0

Relapsed, shit. Starting over. yesterday I felt too many urge to handle and wait to pass they, they didn't so I relapsed.
My mistake was doing nothing rather than sitting and waiting fuck, next time at least gonna to gym or walk.