SM3 Run-1 Journal Opening to Sexuality & Outgrowing Illusions

[tolgaocal80]

stage 2 day 21

nofap 19/180

wow, last night dream was amazing, I wish it will be real soon.

I was doing some job I dont know exactly what it was, I was feeling very very confident, feeling like able to do anything I want, than a girl came over from somewhere, she came near to me and hit me with laughing pretending to she felt. Then I grap her arms and told her: hey girl,  I know what you are doing. We have to meet, what are you doing tomorrow night?, she said not tomorrow, today. Then I grapped her to my room we started fucking like in movies, slowly, it was too erotic.  

My big issue was a cause of watching porn and masturbation, that shit was draining my sexual energy and I wasn't able to look for a real partner, because I didn't needed. Porn was very easy and gave me limitless options. All I  did was watching porn and masturbate whenever I was available, I continuously  run from a relationship with a real girl, because I wasn't know what I was gonna do with her and I didn't have any desire, lust, energy because of already watching porn and masturbate.
This vicious circle caused more and more. social anxiety, low self-esteem, self-shame... When I look at a girl, was feeling like what I did is shameful, even looking, forget about approaching.

Reading about nofap stories and scientific researches about it shows me, this was causing most of my problems with changing plasticity of the brain.  Doing a 6 months of nofap to see, how it will change.

It will definitely help, I've done no FAP for 180 days before. It will help with your dopamine levels being more stable and giving you more motivation, I recommend researching dopamine on YouTube , it is the main reason of how you feel , your mood and your motivation levels.

I watched a few videos about how it effects neurology and social life, it was causing a great deal of shame and anxiety towards girls. I am in nofap for 21 days and it seems like objectification fading more and more, and sexual desire getting higher, maybe this is because of also SM3, idk but I am committed to doing a full 6 months of nofap.

For now SM3 mostly doing inner work rather than outer, I need this. I have an idea of "being able to approach any girl any place without trying hard". What I realize is, when I talk to people that I haven't met, I am able to smile without pretending it and feeling creepy, and most of the shame about sexuality is going away.