SM v3 so far so good

[Fonzy3]

i was out yesterday ....

the waitress (32) gave me kisses on the cheeks...and told me that she is single...it rained a bit and she made an joke like "you are wet although you are a man" and some of the guest there started to laugh and then she apoligized and said she didnt mean it in the perverted way lol...

20 mins after it a super hot 25 years old who was there with her man (i think 40 years old) approached me and wanted to talk about drugs lol, she probably thought i was a drug dealer or something like that dont know if it was my style or sm...


later on the other waitress wanted to share her fish sandwich with me ... she nearly put it in my mouth wanted to feed me and some shit like this... but i refused cause i am vegan... =)

later in the club i flirted with some girls... they told me i should undress myself cause it is too hot in there...

at the bus stop some girls asked me for cocain lol again they thought i am a drug dealer wtf ??? =D

at the next morning the father of my best friend asked me if i can organize an un licensed gun for him wtf again??

may it be that sm make me appear as a gangster or a criminal in other people eyes ... dont know...


i have 9 days left of stage 3 now... i have to say i didnt notice what exactly this stage is doing i often thought does this even work`?
but i felt a lot of emotional pain, jealousy and anger coming up... i have become much more aggressive which scares me... i shouted last night at my sister and broke some stuff...
i hope this will change with stage 4...

however i noticed that i make a deep eye contact with women when i talk to them it feels like we are looking each others in the soul

i have come to the conclusion that i hate porn and masturbating didnt jerk off and watch porn for more then 3 weeks now... a thing which was impossible before sm.. it seems like sm gives me the freedom to live my sexuality how i want...which is a pretty cool thing...

a negative thing i notice is that i feel bored all the time nothing excites me... feel soulless but this is ok i hope it will change with time...

any suggestions from you guys so far?

wow awesome.."bad boy persona" probably translates into "drug dealer".
try tapping on the boredom (which is anxiety) and soulless feeling. "even though im bored..feel soulless.." try that for 5 or 10 minutes and see how it goes if you want.

Yo it's awesome reading your journal about SM 3, one of the more successful journals with the program at the moment. Sounds like you're putting off a vibe which are making people think you are an enigma and cool. They can still approach you but it really sounds like a rockstar experience. Looking forward to reading about more of your progress. You might want to try exercising when you feel that way.

Thanks

Fonzy