08-31-2016, 09:17 PM
tl;dr F*CK
I don't feel that fire that I had over the past couple of weeks. I had two amazing opportunities that literally fell into my lap, I built momentum with these girls, and I all had to do was ask them out. But I didn't. I've fallen off the face of the earth with one and I don't know where we stand, and I sense that the other is drifting. I hate the idea that these girls have lost respect for me. And I hate the idea that it's because I don't respect myself enough. I don't think I believe deeply enough that things can be different, and that's why I don't follow through. I feel paralyzed. My body is motionless and my mind is screaming. This is torture. Less than a month ago I talked about feeling like I'd had a mental breakthrough. And that tenacity has been slipping away. I checked my personal log and this coincides with Stage 6. I'm discouraged about running this program a second time in a row. Like I wrote to Sicko, I think what I need is something like DMSI to just assault my brain and enable me so that I can get to a point where there's no going back.
I don't feel that fire that I had over the past couple of weeks. I had two amazing opportunities that literally fell into my lap, I built momentum with these girls, and I all had to do was ask them out. But I didn't. I've fallen off the face of the earth with one and I don't know where we stand, and I sense that the other is drifting. I hate the idea that these girls have lost respect for me. And I hate the idea that it's because I don't respect myself enough. I don't think I believe deeply enough that things can be different, and that's why I don't follow through. I feel paralyzed. My body is motionless and my mind is screaming. This is torture. Less than a month ago I talked about feeling like I'd had a mental breakthrough. And that tenacity has been slipping away. I checked my personal log and this coincides with Stage 6. I'm discouraged about running this program a second time in a row. Like I wrote to Sicko, I think what I need is something like DMSI to just assault my brain and enable me so that I can get to a point where there's no going back.
Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.