Mood is better. Moments of feeling grounded and sexual again. Eye seduction is developing. I turn heads. I know I'm on the radar of plenty-a-woman. Sometime it's almost hard to believe that certain girls are interested in me because these are the ones I felt inferior to in the past. I'm still not comfortable with my own attractiveness and I don't think I will allow myself to be until I'm willing to pursue with the intention of fucking. Sometimes when I know I'm getting attention I notice I'll become hyper aware of my body language and I think it shows that I'm trying to hold it together or on the flip side my body language will go from comfortable and masculine to insecure. I still have moments where I feel anxious in the presence of a woman I feel attracted to and it just destroys my frame.
As an aside, a friend of mine started dating this guy we used to work with. I've had countless opportunities with this girl and I took none of them. I noticed myself feeling jealous of the situation and ignoring her as if to punish her for my feeling the way I do. I wouldn't be feeling this way if I simply accepted a few truths:
a) The respect she lost for me as a love interest is proportionate to the amount of time that has passed in which I didn't make a move.
b) A woman who is sexually compatible with a man cannot truly be his friend.
c) It is to be expected that when your woman 'friend' starts dating a new guy, she will taper off communications with you, if not go completely silent.
And on the subject of point A, I'm still gut-hurt about the girl who solicited me twice for casual sex, whom I denied both times. What has me revisiting this is that since then, she has made no effort to communicate with me at all. It's like she crossed me off her list of options and lost all respect for me. Women will do that when you don't make a move because it speaks to your confidence, or lack thereof. Would I go for it if I could turn back time? Would I make it happen if she tried again tomorrow? Nope. Because I'm ashamed of my junk and the sexual experience I know she has makes me feel inferior. So it's a catch 22.
As an aside, a friend of mine started dating this guy we used to work with. I've had countless opportunities with this girl and I took none of them. I noticed myself feeling jealous of the situation and ignoring her as if to punish her for my feeling the way I do. I wouldn't be feeling this way if I simply accepted a few truths:
a) The respect she lost for me as a love interest is proportionate to the amount of time that has passed in which I didn't make a move.
b) A woman who is sexually compatible with a man cannot truly be his friend.
c) It is to be expected that when your woman 'friend' starts dating a new guy, she will taper off communications with you, if not go completely silent.
And on the subject of point A, I'm still gut-hurt about the girl who solicited me twice for casual sex, whom I denied both times. What has me revisiting this is that since then, she has made no effort to communicate with me at all. It's like she crossed me off her list of options and lost all respect for me. Women will do that when you don't make a move because it speaks to your confidence, or lack thereof. Would I go for it if I could turn back time? Would I make it happen if she tried again tomorrow? Nope. Because I'm ashamed of my junk and the sexual experience I know she has makes me feel inferior. So it's a catch 22.
Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.