05-28-2016, 05:06 PM
Well shit Dzemoo wasn't kidding about Stage 3.
I've been down every day since my last post. Not all day long, but it's rough. Thinking about the same things I wrote about last, and questioning my commitment to diet and exercise. I started out with a vision to transform my body so I could look my best and feel good about myself. I made progress on both fronts but it feels like I emerged from one shell and walked into another. I've become the Good Looking Loser. Not to advertise, but his whole thing was that he was that he lived at the gym but there was no return on the looks that he worked so hard for. He had no skills and very little experience with women. Much of this lifestyle—if you want to call it that—is described in an article called The Plight of the Lonesome Bodybuilder. I'm not that hardcore, but I can relate. I'm spinning my wheels, and for what? I hit the gym 3 times a week and I work hard enough that I feel sore and drained on my off days. I'm so disciplined about my diet (counting, planning, etc.) that I actually turn down social outings because I'll ruin my calories or macros for that day. Or I won't get enough sleep and have a bad workout the next day. Or I won't get enough hours of SM3.
I also avoid going out at times because I know there will be opportunities with women and since I'm not willing to capitalize on them I'll just end up feeing angry/frustrated/depressed about giving into my own inhibitions. I have this default mindset of being completely closed off to relations with women beyond friendly banter. And the people around me wonder if I've dated anybody in the time that they've known me.
I suppose I should acknowledge the progress I've made. Whatever problems I think I have now, it wasn't too long ago that my body was among them. I'm not done with my body, but I don't feel horrible about it anymore. Of course my penis is excluded from this conversation. But the problems I do have now are actually exacerbated by the fact that I'm fit and good looking—because I have to acknowledge them more often and more intensely.
Odd that I'm being hit like this so late in the stage. Used to being effected in the first two weeks.
And for anybody that wants to reply with, "Stop fucking complaining and do something, or keep your mouth shut." I've already told myself that.
I've been down every day since my last post. Not all day long, but it's rough. Thinking about the same things I wrote about last, and questioning my commitment to diet and exercise. I started out with a vision to transform my body so I could look my best and feel good about myself. I made progress on both fronts but it feels like I emerged from one shell and walked into another. I've become the Good Looking Loser. Not to advertise, but his whole thing was that he was that he lived at the gym but there was no return on the looks that he worked so hard for. He had no skills and very little experience with women. Much of this lifestyle—if you want to call it that—is described in an article called The Plight of the Lonesome Bodybuilder. I'm not that hardcore, but I can relate. I'm spinning my wheels, and for what? I hit the gym 3 times a week and I work hard enough that I feel sore and drained on my off days. I'm so disciplined about my diet (counting, planning, etc.) that I actually turn down social outings because I'll ruin my calories or macros for that day. Or I won't get enough sleep and have a bad workout the next day. Or I won't get enough hours of SM3.
I also avoid going out at times because I know there will be opportunities with women and since I'm not willing to capitalize on them I'll just end up feeing angry/frustrated/depressed about giving into my own inhibitions. I have this default mindset of being completely closed off to relations with women beyond friendly banter. And the people around me wonder if I've dated anybody in the time that they've known me.
I suppose I should acknowledge the progress I've made. Whatever problems I think I have now, it wasn't too long ago that my body was among them. I'm not done with my body, but I don't feel horrible about it anymore. Of course my penis is excluded from this conversation. But the problems I do have now are actually exacerbated by the fact that I'm fit and good looking—because I have to acknowledge them more often and more intensely.
Odd that I'm being hit like this so late in the stage. Used to being effected in the first two weeks.
And for anybody that wants to reply with, "Stop fucking complaining and do something, or keep your mouth shut." I've already told myself that.
Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
