Roy's Alpha Male Journal

[Roy]

I'm feeling better today.Had some intense dreams tonight.In one of them my
computer wasn't working well.It had some programs that wouldn't shut down so I couldn't go to sleep.In another one I drove of a cliff.And another one where I had to take quizzes in an electronics lab.

It like sometimes I have the feelings of something drumming into my mind
and I want to take it out.Also like Jay wrote remembering events where I
didn't act well and buried them somewhere in my memory.

I wasn't productive in the last few days.Didn't really want to do anything.

I seem to be less reactive to other people now.

The interesting thing is my internal state didn't affect the way I dealt with
people on the outside.I was feeling down,almost wanting to cry but talking
to people I reacted slowly and I guess more internally centered.

[ronatello]

If one pushes feelings (usually negative ones at that) deep inside instead of releasing them, the sub (and others similar) will pull them out so they can be properly dealt with and released.

[K-Train]

If one pushes feelings (usually negative ones at that) deep inside instead of releasing them, the sub (and others similar) will pull them out so they can be properly dealt with and released.

Exactly. That's why the Alpha Set and Woman Magnet both have "negativity removal" stages so that none of those bad memories will be able to affect you while you transform into a juggernaut!

I'll be watching your journal closely Roy since we're both using the Alpha Set. I'll be rooting you on as well because at the end of this set we're going to be entirely different people!

[Roy]

All the negativity just disappeared last evening.I had memories of events where I was weak,did stupid stuff and other things like that.
I understood what happened in my last relationship and what went wrong.

I let my ex manipulate me got into all that drama because of I wanted sex from her.I have no idea now how could I be so stupid.It was like moments
of epiphany where things clicked in my mind and the negativity was gone.
And I feel a lot better today.

All that stuff probably had to go before things could click.

[ronatello]

Glad to see you're making amazing progress, Roy! Keep at it because it's going to get better!

" All that stuff probably had to go before things could click. "
Exactly.

[Shannon]

How it is done, is unrevealed. Dreams are useful, but alone they are only dreams. Taking down tables from the top wastes energy; we simply remove what festers by scooping it out and throwing it away. It is unpleasant to open a boil, but the displeasure is preferable to the death that awaits otherwise.

As the snake sheds its skin, so too must the man shed the boy; but not just the boy: the sickness that the boy had been carrying, as well.

[Majordomus]

I love those "clicks". Had couple of them myself recently.
We started about the same time, Roy and K-Train, so it is great to watch you go through this as well.

[Roy]

Nothing dramatic in the last two days.

Had very little bit of memories coming back.I still don't understand how I could
act so dumb once.

Feeling empty,not effected by stuff,cold,emotionless almost.

Started reading some books I didn't have time for and today I cleaned around
I bit and threw some junk.Got a bit of a urge for that.

[K-Train]

Nothing dramatic in the last two days.

Had very little bit of memories coming back.I still don't understand how I could
act so dumb once.

Feeling empty,not effected by stuff,cold,emotionless almost.

Started reading some books I didn't have time for and today I cleaned around
I bit and threw some junk.Got a bit of a urge for that.

Same here buddy. I've been feeling this way for the past week since I started the Alpha Set. Other guys who have used the Alpha Set report they've felt similar so you're not alone.

If anything, that cold, emotionless feeling is great because the Alpha Set is supposed to make you more detached so that you won't be hurt or manipulated as easily.

[Roy]

I noticed today that I'm less checking out women around me.A lot less
since before starting with the alpha set.I just have better things to do
I guess and feeling less sociable.And I'm less interested in women in
the last few days.

Also little angry today.Anger wasn't part of my usual emotions before starting.
There are things in my life that are really starting to annoy me.

[WildFlower]

You are responding perfectly. Savour it! savour it all: the irritation, the anger,the lack of interest in girls, the reading, the lack of procrastination, the aloofness, the detached embarrassment of how un-alpha you behaved in the past. Honestly savour it all. It will all soon pass. You are on the road to Alpha and as a consequence dipping majorly into yang. You may feel of balanced but this unbalancing - leaning strongly towards one polarity - is all about the end result of balance. A healthy man. An Alpha Male.

[Roy]

It seems I react less to people around me.I think I talking slower lately.More
indifferent to stuff.And less thinking about stuff in my head.More present
and noticing the senses without labeling.It's like things are fresh and I'm noticing them.

I'm thinking about my life in if what I'm doing now is really what I want to do
with them.I like a lot less lately doing what other people are telling me.

I often get sort of feeling of mental overload.Like my brain is processing a lot
of stuff.

Stage 1 is definitely negativity removal stage.Last evening was pretty horrible.It was the mental feeling of overload and sort of horror,strong one.That came with more unpleasant memories coming back to mind.It was gone after a while.
Long exercise and stretching helped.

I guess a lot of my past memories don't get along very well with the new programming from the alpha set.

[Majordomus]

It seems I react less to people around me.I think I talking slower lately.More
indifferent to stuff.And less thinking about stuff in my head.More present
and noticing the senses without labeling.It's like things are fresh and I'm noticing them.

I'm thinking about my life in if what I'm doing now is really what I want to do
with them.I like a lot less lately doing what other people are telling me.

I often get sort of feeling of mental overload.Like my brain is processing a lot
of stuff.

Stage 1 is definitely negativity removal stage.Last evening was pretty horrible.It was the mental feeling of overload and sort of horror,strong one.That came with more unpleasant memories coming back to mind.It was gone after a while.
Long exercise and stretching helped.

I guess a lot of my past memories don't get along very well with the new programming from the alpha set.

I know perfectly what you are talking about.
Sometimes one has this feeling as if thousand little dwarfs argued in his head.
Anxiety and stuff comes too.

[Jay]

It seems I react less to people around me.I think I talking slower lately.More
indifferent to stuff.And less thinking about stuff in my head.More present
and noticing the senses without labeling.It's like things are fresh and I'm noticing them.

I'm thinking about my life in if what I'm doing now is really what I want to do
with them.I like a lot less lately doing what other people are telling me.

I often get sort of feeling of mental overload.Like my brain is processing a lot
of stuff.

Stage 1 is definitely negativity removal stage.Last evening was pretty horrible.It was the mental feeling of overload and sort of horror,strong one.That came with more unpleasant memories coming back to mind.It was gone after a while.
Long exercise and stretching helped.

I guess a lot of my past memories don't get along very well with the new programming from the alpha set.

I had that same feeling for about two weeks straight, even though it occasionally still comes up now I'm glad it's not continuously anymore. I'm also going for 40 days instead of 32 since I sense that that there is a lot of garbage programming left.

A couple of days ago I started writing about my past and it was like I felt the pure form of that feeling as I was writing it. It became clear to me for a moment why my life took this direction. The thought behind it wavered off after a while, bit like a dream. I also started crying uncontrollably through the day after that.

What's strange is that my inner voice has changed very much, much more supportive, more understanding instead of self-critical and hateful. I'm also noticing lately that I'm less inhibited, more freedom in thought and in the way I express myself.

I'm fucking glad that I found this, thanks Ryan for posting that link on the MM message board. And thanks Shannon for creating all this.

Also good luck to you, Roy.