RERUN 3 AM5

[aswase]

Stage 5 day 3

Ive become selectively mute again.
Not sure if its lack of calories, or the lithium stopped working like how it used to. My mind is just blank kind of.

I slept around 12 hours last night/morning and pissed off my parents.
Ive been staying out kinda late partying/ hanging out with friends to try and fix this, but my parents want me home.
I feel that its kind of fucked up, since I hate being alone in my room like I used to be before, and hate that theyre holding me back.

Hopefully If I get enough money, I can start living on my own, and wont have to deal with this anymore.
Just need to make sure not to fall out of my workout habits, and to keep smoking to a minimum or quit. Lately ive been socially smoking, and not buying packs. It at first helped me socially, but now is holding me back in ways. Maybe Ill buy a box mod.

So far, women are definitely attracted to me. Just need to start talking....
Ill usually grunt in response, or play around physically with them, play games, sing, but nothing wants to come out verbally. Atleast. In comparison to everyone else.

My focus, other than staying out, and hanging as long as possible, is to start working on my leadership, marketing, finance, and sales skills, to get promoted to manager at work.

Overall, ive just noticed myself being more caustic/polarizing/unethical/blunt/More antisocial, but not scared of interaction. Just bored/ too lazy for conversation. I really enjoy doing things though, and am more verbal with my hands and body than my words so to speak. I do what I want when I want, and can do anything.
Comfortable everywhere I go, except around women sometimes.
Another positive, is that its easier to force myself to do stuff earlier so I wont have to do it later.
Because i do what I want however, i also end up procrastinating in a lot of areas. homework, or rockclimbing? nobrainer.

During the first half of most my days, im fried, but after 5 hours or so, my brain kicks back in 85%. Need to up my sleep some more to maybe 10 hours. also started upping my calories; ended up real lean 6%, and lost a little muscle from my negligence, but Ill do it right this time.

I only get upset when im wrong, and no one wants to explain why. Thats also one of the few areas where if people make fun/prod at my inexperience, where Ill turn a little caustic. So... confusion anger. other than that, I seem to give less fucks in all areas. I also got another parking ticket. FUCK. didnt notice the red curb till hours later since I got myself into a rush.

My focus right now is on gaining a mentor, then I can get promoted to manager at my job, and then move on out, making my own business, and living on my own.