01-31-2016, 12:21 PM
69 Days left of 92 Days
Has been a hell of a weekend. This sub is really pushing me. I get into these situations where previously I'd felt bored or tired, but now its like I can't hide anymore. I'm really uncomfortable in my skin and I'd just want to shout at the top of my lungs or go punch a wall or anything to get to release this pent up energy itching everywhere in my body. This is if I'm somewhere where I'm not "supposed to" be too loud, not supposed to be too fast, I should just take it easy. Very anxious. Lots of fear and tension.
Went out to see some friends as well. That was fun. Felt really nice connecting with the most confident one, and just very relaxed and expressive overall. I was much more dominant than before and held my ground very firmly when needed. All in good spirit, of course.
The next day lots and lots of tension again. Its like I have this massive column of fire that just wants to explode out of my chest, but I don't think I can let it. "I can't", "not my place" and all that. Then when I have the spotlight I'll have lots of energy but I don't quite know what to do with it; can't keep it steady, strong and directed, but its all over the place and I end up acting nervously. Again, this was in a more formal setting.
Other times I was feeling happy and making strong short eye or verbal connections with various people. Seems like I've been all over the place this weekend. Hardly got any sleep last night and.. well, not for a few night now. Overwhelm.
But I'm not tired. Or today I was really tired, but.. its different. Its less depressed-apathetic tired and more like too-pumped-to-sleep tired.
OGSF 5G is looking really good. I'm unveiling so much fear that it feels like that should be the way to go. But honestly I'm a little addicted to ASC at this point. Though I feel trapped with all these barriers and anxiety, I haven't felt this alive for a while. And influential. Let's just say my girl's going to have a memorable experience the next time I see her.
Has been a hell of a weekend. This sub is really pushing me. I get into these situations where previously I'd felt bored or tired, but now its like I can't hide anymore. I'm really uncomfortable in my skin and I'd just want to shout at the top of my lungs or go punch a wall or anything to get to release this pent up energy itching everywhere in my body. This is if I'm somewhere where I'm not "supposed to" be too loud, not supposed to be too fast, I should just take it easy. Very anxious. Lots of fear and tension.
Went out to see some friends as well. That was fun. Felt really nice connecting with the most confident one, and just very relaxed and expressive overall. I was much more dominant than before and held my ground very firmly when needed. All in good spirit, of course.
The next day lots and lots of tension again. Its like I have this massive column of fire that just wants to explode out of my chest, but I don't think I can let it. "I can't", "not my place" and all that. Then when I have the spotlight I'll have lots of energy but I don't quite know what to do with it; can't keep it steady, strong and directed, but its all over the place and I end up acting nervously. Again, this was in a more formal setting.
Other times I was feeling happy and making strong short eye or verbal connections with various people. Seems like I've been all over the place this weekend. Hardly got any sleep last night and.. well, not for a few night now. Overwhelm.
But I'm not tired. Or today I was really tired, but.. its different. Its less depressed-apathetic tired and more like too-pumped-to-sleep tired.
OGSF 5G is looking really good. I'm unveiling so much fear that it feels like that should be the way to go. But honestly I'm a little addicted to ASC at this point. Though I feel trapped with all these barriers and anxiety, I haven't felt this alive for a while. And influential. Let's just say my girl's going to have a memorable experience the next time I see her.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
