01-08-2016, 10:25 AM
Womanizer, ha :D I guess you can see it either way.. it is what it is. I felt it wasn't hitting the core target I need to work on, and finishing it would've cost me a lot of time and money. I either need more push (ASC, SM3), or reduced resistance (EPRHA, OGSF 5G) towards various things, not sure which. Comments appreciated especially from 3+ month ASC or EPRHA users. But in any case I feel I need to make some solid progress before I start on AM/SM again.
With AM I tend to be extra sensitive to people giving me crap, so I end up expecting girls to be bitchy and us getting into an argument about it, and then I sort of mentally flip the finger at her and think its not worth it before I even try. Idk if this is b/c the programming hasn't yet sinked in, or if it'll always be like this on AM.
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Day 5
Restless sleep continues, though its not too difficult to get up in the morning. I'm finding increased confidence in some short situations, but for longer interactions I seem to revert. For example at the pharmacy I made some random low-energy joke that got the woman serving me laugh surprisingly hard, then I turn to walk towards the cash register and notice there's a super hot blonde there slightly smiling at me b/c she noticed the other woman was laughing at what I said. Surprised at how hot she was, I went into some best mode and stared her down, lol. Then corrected it to friendly once my left brain kicked back in. Maybe looking at girls a bit more shamelessly during work commute (commutes?).
In longer conversations with friends, coworkers, etc. I'm still somewhat conscious and hesitant about eye contact and being too threatening. I think a part of that is that I tend to listen to people more than talk myself, and during that listening is when the hesitancy/avoidance comes in. My expression is actually often pretty good & loud nowadays. If I'm talking about something interesting I'm loud & expressive, but if I feel its just mandatory small talk or I like I'd rather be somewhere else, then I almost feel submissive. Towards the situation that is, not really the other person. Which reminds me, I need to write more job applications. I feel like I'm going to waste in my current job. That's actually what a former coworker told me last month, and I agree. Its got no purpose.
With AM I tend to be extra sensitive to people giving me crap, so I end up expecting girls to be bitchy and us getting into an argument about it, and then I sort of mentally flip the finger at her and think its not worth it before I even try. Idk if this is b/c the programming hasn't yet sinked in, or if it'll always be like this on AM.
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Day 5
Restless sleep continues, though its not too difficult to get up in the morning. I'm finding increased confidence in some short situations, but for longer interactions I seem to revert. For example at the pharmacy I made some random low-energy joke that got the woman serving me laugh surprisingly hard, then I turn to walk towards the cash register and notice there's a super hot blonde there slightly smiling at me b/c she noticed the other woman was laughing at what I said. Surprised at how hot she was, I went into some best mode and stared her down, lol. Then corrected it to friendly once my left brain kicked back in. Maybe looking at girls a bit more shamelessly during work commute (commutes?).
In longer conversations with friends, coworkers, etc. I'm still somewhat conscious and hesitant about eye contact and being too threatening. I think a part of that is that I tend to listen to people more than talk myself, and during that listening is when the hesitancy/avoidance comes in. My expression is actually often pretty good & loud nowadays. If I'm talking about something interesting I'm loud & expressive, but if I feel its just mandatory small talk or I like I'd rather be somewhere else, then I almost feel submissive. Towards the situation that is, not really the other person. Which reminds me, I need to write more job applications. I feel like I'm going to waste in my current job. That's actually what a former coworker told me last month, and I agree. Its got no purpose.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
