Path to Greatness - Journal

[HMoody]

I think you and I are almost at the same usage with ASC 5G. I know what you mean about it hitting you hard. It makes me feel really exhausted and tired and depressed at times like it's changing some deep rooted things related to confidence. A break of a day definitely helps and I've been trying to do the 3 days on and one day off routine. I would suggest giving that a try to allow your brain to process some of it.

I also understand what you mean about that gentleman nice guy mindset because I've come to realize that I have it too though it is less than it used to be. I grew up with a step mother that repeatedly quashed my confidence since I was a young child and made feel ugly and unlovable. On top of that my culture taught me that one should only get intimate with a woman after getting married. I grew up thinking that I must wait only for "the one" and that I must always be nice to women and listen to what they say even if it's total crap, etc. I was wound up so tight in trying not to do anything that would in my mind hurt them that I could never really relax around a girl I really liked and thought that teasing and flirting with them would hurt them if I didn't seriously like them. When I finally made it through all that crap and started dating girls in the final year of college and after college I was still afraid that I would hurt a woman and found myself analyzing everything and still being way too much in my head. I like you pushed away so many chances at dating some amazing women. I can see now the actions I took that pushed them away and it really pisses me off that I missed those chances and that I still indulge in those actions today.

I do think that getting rid of the old nice-guy mindset is a must to become the men we want to be! I've made a lot of progress but I am still bumping into that old mindset even now at times. Don't get me wrong, I do believe in being kind, loving, polite and am all those things to my friends, family and people I care about. I'm considerate of people and do try to help whenever possible but not at the expense of my own principles, integrity, decisions, and time. I've realized that I can be all those while being strong and being my own man with a spine. I've realized that the nice guy mindset must be destroyed to really have the success with women that we want. To be able to interact with women without any agenda or investment is what I'm aiming for. To Share from Strength, not weakness and to realize that girls are far stronger emotionally then we give them credit for and that sex and everything related to sex is not hurtful to them even if it's only a one time thing. The key is being honest about it an not leading them on to think that the relationship is more serious than it is.

The other thing that struck me this past week was the realization that you can look at flirting and etc with women that you are not interested in long term can be seen as just practice and a way to make both of you feel better. As long as you're honest about it then it's a good thing. Look at it as just practice and a way to build your confidence.

[Sean]

An alpha set himself as a priority, but that does not mean that he is an immoral, heartless user of women. On the contrary, a true alpha is considerate of the women he's dating/romping/teasing/flirting. I believe a true alpha will not pursue a woman to whom he is not attracted, and at the same time, he will not abuse a naive girl's crush just to put a notch on the bedpost.

You're doing fine, Javier. Your virginity is not hampering you badly. You have high standards, and you expect the woman who shares your bed to meet them. At least, that's how I see it.

My definition of a Nice Guy is a guy who makes implied contracts with women. He'd cancel his vacation to help her move, hoping for affection. He'll spend large amounts of money, seeking some kind of return on his investment. He'll hang out in the friendzone hoping she'll see that he's a wonderful guy with so much beta to offer.

I haven't seen you as a Nice Guy.

[Javier Gerardo]

I think you and I are almost at the same usage with ASC 5G. I know what you mean about it hitting you hard. It makes me feel really exhausted and tired and depressed at times like it's changing some deep rooted things related to confidence. A break of a day definitely helps and I've been trying to do the 3 days on and one day off routine. I would suggest giving that a try to allow your brain to process some of it.

I might give that a try man. However on my days off how can I make up for it? Like what Shannon has said that to add 1 1/2 days for every day that I have missed listening to the sub? Or should I continue with my planned 90 days of using it?

Anyway, last Saturday night my MP3 player stopped playing due to low battery. I had a very vivid dream or I might say a nightmare that night. I can feel that my brain did process the sub the sub. In this case as to my dream, was it showing the resistance of my sunconscious? My dream was horrific and trying to show my deep rooted fears.

I also understand what you mean about that gentleman nice guy mindset because I've come to realize that I have it too though it is less than it used to be. I grew up with a step mother that repeatedly quashed my confidence since I was a young child and made feel ugly and unlovable. On top of that my culture taught me that one should only get intimate with a woman after getting married. I grew up thinking that I must wait only for "the one" and that I must always be nice to women and listen to what they say even if it's total crap, etc. I was wound up so tight in trying not to do anything that would in my mind hurt them that I could never really relax around a girl I really liked and thought that teasing and flirting with them would hurt them if I didn't seriously like them. When I finally made it through all that crap and started dating girls in the final year of college and after college I was still afraid that I would hurt a woman and found myself analyzing everything and still being way too much in my head. I like you pushed away so many chances at dating some amazing women. I can see now the actions I took that pushed them away and it really pisses me off that I missed those chances and that I still indulge in those actions today.

Thanks for sharing and understanding my point man. This is the reason why I posted that here because you guys understand and can relate to my situation. Most of the friends nowadays are naturals with women so they can't totally understand what I have gone through before. But they have taught me a lot about the game.
All those years of watching too much romantic films and disney fantasies have taken a toll on me. I imagine my love life to be also like that. Like marry my "princess" and be like prince charming. Add the fact that I was raised Catholic and went to numerous Private Catholic schools when I was still studying.
However my family was really loving and supportive towards me. They are quite conservative though. In contrast to me being liberal and free spirited.

I do think that getting rid of the old nice-guy mindset is a must to become the men we want to be! I've made a lot of progress but I am still bumping into that old mindset even now at times. Don't get me wrong, I do believe in being kind, loving, polite and am all those things to my friends, family and people I care about. I'm considerate of people and do try to help whenever possible but not at the expense of my own principles, integrity, decisions, and time. I've realized that I can be all those while being strong and being my own man with a spine. I've realized that the nice guy mindset must be destroyed to really have the success with women that we want. To be able to interact with women without any agenda or investment is what I'm aiming for. To Share from Strength, not weakness and to realize that girls are far stronger emotionally then we give them credit for and that sex and everything related to sex is not hurtful to them even if it's only a one time thing. The key is being honest about it an not leading them on to think that the relationship is more serious than it is.

The other thing that struck me this past week was the realization that you can look at flirting and etc with women that you are not interested in long term can be seen as just practice and a way to make both of you feel better. As long as you're honest about it then it's a good thing. Look at it as just practice and a way to build your confidence.

Yeah practice. I would like to think that all of this is just practice and every time I go out and socialize and even try to approach I get more xp. XP points that makes my social skills increase one level. Lol!

[Javier Gerardo]

An alpha set himself as a priority, but that does not mean that he is an immoral, heartless user of women. On the contrary, a true alpha is considerate of the women he's dating/romping/teasing/flirting. I believe a true alpha will not pursue a woman to whom he is not attracted, and at the same time, he will not abuse a naive girl's crush just to put a notch on the bedpost.

You're doing fine, Javier. Your virginity is not hampering you badly. You have high standards, and you expect the woman who shares your bed to meet them. At least, that's how I see it.

My definition of a Nice Guy is a guy who makes implied contracts with women. He'd cancel his vacation to help her move, hoping for affection. He'll spend large amounts of money, seeking some kind of return on his investment. He'll hang out in the friendzone hoping she'll see that he's a wonderful guy with so much beta to offer.

I haven't seen you as a Nice Guy.

That's good to know man.
But I have been also a Nice Guy before or so I think. That's where I am before I started this journey of mine. I got in the friendzone but it is more so to the fact that the girls I like has become cold due to me not showing any interest or move towards them because I have a fear of rejection. I'm always hesitant in asking girls out because I don't want to be embarassed.
Regarding my standards yes I always have it. But there were cases wherein I was trying to lower it because I have become so needy. I even considered turning gay before because there were a lot of gay guys hitting on me from time to time when I'm out. (no homo) Especially now because I have been improving myself physically by exercising, looking good and dressing well. But I'm not gay and I couldn't even imagine doing so.
Now I've read some advice that at my stage I should at least f**k low quality women just to get experience but I can't do it. As I am trying to be the alpha male, I'm not pursuing these kinds of women as you have also pointed out. But in the past I have rarely had success with women I like because I'm shy to make the first move and just wait for them to probably do it.
The question now is am I in the right path for the current choices that I have undertaken? For instance, only pursuing women that I indeed like and not settling for those that I don't like or even not lowering my standards?

[ShanghaiKiwi]

Now I've read some advice that at my stage I should at least f**k low quality women just to get experience but I can't do it.

That's some weird as advice, dude. Where are you getting that from?

I was a virgin when I got married - and okay, I was a newbie at the hip-work, so to speak (excuse my frankness), but you can learn together. I think many girls don't mind a lack of sexual experience in the beginning, if you'll be practicing on each other a lot anyway.

[Sean]

Now I've read some advice that at my stage I should at least f**k low quality women just to get experience but I can't do it. As I am trying to be the alpha male, I'm not pursuing these kinds of women as you have also pointed out. But in the past I have rarely had success with women I like because I'm shy to make the first move and just wait for them to probably do it.
The question now is am I in the right path for the current choices that I have undertaken? For instance, only pursuing women that I indeed like and not settling for those that I don't like or even not lowering my standards?

Advice is like navel lint: everybody has some. In my opinion, sleeping with a low quality woman is like drinking really bad wine: you'll get some experience, but mostly you will be teaching yourself that wine tastes bad.

Just because you were shy in the past does not mean your current path is bad. Your past choices are in the past, and you cannot change them. While you've not taken action, you've also not been used by a soulkilled slut to boost her ego and had your own soul burned as a consequence. Now you are in a position to continue being highly selective about who you pursue, and staying true to your standards.

Finally, AM5 includes some disinterest-in-pursuing-women programming to allow you space to focus on improving yourself, without the distractions implicit in chasing women. Don't worry about having high standards and not chasing right now. Just enjoy the path you're following, without worrying about the destination.

[ShanghaiKiwi]

Do take into account also the title of this thread: "Path to Greatness" - selling yourself cheap surely doesn't send you even in the general direction of greatness.

I second Sean's navel lint analogy

[HMoody]

I might give that a try man. However on my days off how can I make up for it? Like what Shannon has said that to add 1 1/2 days for every day that I have missed listening to the sub? Or should I continue with my planned 90 days of using it?

Anyway, last Saturday night my MP3 player stopped playing due to low battery. I had a very vivid dream or I might say a nightmare that night. I can feel that my brain did process the sub the sub. In this case as to my dream, was it showing the resistance of my sunconscious? My dream was horrific and trying to show my deep rooted fears.

Thanks for sharing and understanding my point man. This is the reason why I posted that here because you guys understand and can relate to my situation. Most of the friends nowadays are naturals with women so they can't totally understand what I have gone through before. But they have taught me a lot about the game.
All those years of watching too much romantic films and disney fantasies have taken a toll on me. I imagine my love life to be also like that. Like marry my "princess" and be like prince charming. Add the fact that I was raised Catholic and went to numerous Private Catholic schools when I was still studying.
However my family was really loving and supportive towards me. They are quite conservative though. In contrast to me being liberal and free spirited.

Yeah practice. I would like to think that all of this is just practice and every time I go out and socialize and even try to approach I get more xp. XP points that makes my social skills increase one level. Lol!

Hmm...that is a good question. I would think that in order to listen to the full 90 days would require listening to the sub for a longer period overall. with the 3 days on 1 day off routine. I think the 1 1/2 days is when you've missed more than 3-4 days in a row otherwise it's just the addition of the days you missed at the end.

Still if you can handle it without being worn out then by all means do the full 90 days straight.

Lol...like in the scott pilgrim movie! Level up Dude!!! But truly, it doesn't hurt to look at it like practice...though in my mind that doesn't mean you need to sleep with low quality women. The practice I was referring to was flirting, interacting, and dating just so you feel comfortable in those situations with women so that ultimately it's no big deal to be out on a date with an attractive woman. So often we think that's it amazing that the attractive woman said yes to us that we attach a far more importance to it than it actually has and over-stress ourselves. When you've dated plenty of women, you give it the proper perspective and can then relax and just enjoy. All the guys I've seen on the forum and in life that have had massive success treat dating any particular woman as no big deal as they know their own value and know in a quiet, confident way that the woman is lucky to be out with them..not the other way around.

[Shannon]

Sex is a very powerful thing. Most males don't understand that sex without the right conditions is potentially very self destructive. I think you should never sleep with a woman you don't have some sort of connection with. Sex for the sake of sex can be fun, but do it too often and you can end up causing yourself emotional damage. I do not recommend treating women as "usage toys" (unless they ask you to), or putting yourself through meaningless sex, especially the first dozen or so times. I had to hurt myself a lot to understand these things.

[Yuri]

Sex is a very powerful thing. Most males don't understand that sex without the right conditions is potentially very self destructive. I think you should never sleep with a woman you don't have some sort of connection with. Sex for the sake of sex can be fun, but do it too often and you can end up causing yourself emotional damage. I do not recommend treating women as "usage toys" (unless they ask you to), or putting yourself through meaningless sex, especially the first dozen or so times. I had to hurt myself a lot to understand these things.

i agree this is very true, i'm going through this right now and i believe i damaged my self with it to the point were i don't believe serious monogamy relationships are possible anymore or at least extremely hard to achieve.

[Tiesto]

I think you should never sleep with a woman you don't have some sort of connection with. Sex for the sake of sex can be fun, but do it too often and you can end up causing yourself emotional damage.

I'm interested and I want to learn and understand more about this part. Could you clarify what kind of emotional damage you're talking about?

EDIT: Is it like what Yuri said, or you meant other things as well?

[Sean]

For me, the combination of porn and my first sexual encounters being with a woman who was not only a soulkilled woman who used sex as a pathological substitute for self-esteem, she was dating someone else who became a friend during the time I was sleeping with her, and we're still friends today, 22 years later.

Yeah, the nonphysical connections implicit in sex, having gone unrequited, stop being initiated. Which turns sex into a purely physical act, and prevents the intimacy that would normally be created through future sexual acts.

[Shannon]

I think you should never sleep with a woman you don't have some sort of connection with. Sex for the sake of sex can be fun, but do it too often and you can end up causing yourself emotional damage.

I'm interested and I want to learn and understand more about this part. Could you clarify what kind of emotional damage you're talking about?

EDIT: Is it like what Yuri said, or you meant other things as well?

In my society (USA) and I suspect in others as well, men are taught to repress and/or deny their own emotional validity. They don't even acknowledge to themselves that they have feelings in a lot of cases, never mind feelings that matter. And women are taught that they have complete freedom to be emotional.

Men who do not know, accept, understand or believe that they are emotional creatures just as women are, or that they have valid emotions, are prone to doing things that should be held in higher respect because of their emotional impact, such as sex. Having meaningless sex can damage that part of you, male or female, that needs to have an emotional connection for sex.

That's why it's important to treat sex with respect. It is self destructive and damaging to the other parties involved to be careless with sex where emotions are involved.

[Tiesto]

I think you should never sleep with a woman you don't have some sort of connection with. Sex for the sake of sex can be fun, but do it too often and you can end up causing yourself emotional damage.

I'm interested and I want to learn and understand more about this part. Could you clarify what kind of emotional damage you're talking about?

EDIT: Is it like what Yuri said, or you meant other things as well?

In my society (USA) and I suspect in others as well, men are taught to repress and/or deny their own emotional validity. They don't even acknowledge to themselves that they have feelings in a lot of cases, never mind feelings that matter. And women are taught that they have complete freedom to be emotional.

Men who do not know, accept, understand or believe that they are emotional creatures just as women are, or that they have valid emotions, are prone to doing things that should be held in higher respect because of their emotional impact, such as sex. Having meaningless sex can damage that part of you, male or female, that needs to have an emotional connection for sex.

That's why it's important to treat sex with respect. It is self destructive and damaging to the other parties involved to be careless with sex where emotions are involved.

Oh.. I see..