Overcoming Fear v.3 - 5.75.7G - Ampers&d's Journal

[Ampersnd]

Day 160, T-minus 21 until end, 2nd Day ON,

Watched all of Squid Game. Intense show. Though I didn't feel fear, my thoughts were racing late at night, keeping me up.
What is it that's actually preventing inner peace? I figured that fear would be the obstacle... unless I still have inner fear.

[Ampersnd]

Day 161, T-minus 20 until end, 2nd Day ON,

Missed a day. I think I'll run two more cycles, then call it quits. That will leave me 10 days. Why not just do the last 10 days? Cause fuck you, that's why.

[Ampersnd]

Day 162, T-minus 19 until end, 3rd Day ON,

Attended a successful job interview. They are 95% on hiring me, as long as they check with the references I've sent them.
I still felt anxious; it didn't help that a consultant (my boss), was in the building on the exact date that I was meant to conduct the interview, I had to make an announcement on the intercom 5 minutes before, etc.

Still, the anxiety had an impact on me, and I can't pretend that it didn't. At the end of the day, things turned out okay.

[Ampersnd]

Day 164, T-minus 17 until end, 1st Day OFF,

Dreamt last night that I was in Ottawa on the day of a shooting. (I meant, I was actually in Ottawa on that date, but I lived it differently) This time, I saw the shooter and they were heading down the road my way. I had to use stealth to hide out as they passed by. That was an interesting dream

[Ampersnd]

Day 165, T-minus 16 until end, 1st Day ON,

Was feeling a bit off yesterday. It's no wonder that I slept 11+ hours last night.
My job interview has turned into a job offer. All I would need to know is how much extra per hour the union is willing to pay for my 4 years of external experience.

This will make a very good springboard to run my UMS 2.0, as this organization is 4,000 big and has a lot of room to rise up ranks, even outside of my personal field of expertise.

[Ampersnd]

Day 167, T-minus 14 until end, 3rd Day ON,

Not sure if my next potential employer is playing hardball, but she is not addressing me directly.
I haven't pulled the trigger regarding a letter of resignation.

[Ampersnd]

Day 168, T-minus 13 until end, 4th Day ON,

Today might be the last day I listen to OF v.3. for this cycle.
I felt anxious in the hours before making an important career decision, so I can't say with confidence that this cycle removed "any and all fears." I can say that I put on the behaviors of a confident person with much more ease without a desire to retreat or to make myself submissive. This is true at least in my current work.

I put in my resignation today (hence the important career decision), so I will be changing jobs within the next couple of weeks.

After a few days of rest, UMS, here we come!

[Ampersnd]

Day 171, fin

Well, I think this is the end.
Did I get the desired result? In many ways, yes. I'm throwing myself headfirst into a new job without too many anxieties. I'm doing the things that I need to do to get ahead.

However, I'm still getting physical sensations related to anxiety and fear when I'm doing higher stakes things. My heart was pounding when I announced my resignation. I felt dread before telling my boss about it. However, when I do these things, I come across as more confident.
I still have the occasional fear about a hypothetical home-invader situation, but it's much more diminished than pre-course.

I've been working through the Power University course and figuring out how to patch up any behavior that communicates low value.

I'm done excavating the junk for now. Now I'm ready to fill it with positive/affirming goals. Which is why I'll be playing UMS for the next 12 months.

[Ampersnd]

UMS Stage 1, Day 1,

The streaming service is simple and elegant. Well done.
Ran two loops last night. I was out like a light not long after starting.

Had a mildly disturbing dream involving a movie-type scenario where a bunch of high school bullies lock up other high school kids in a big grotto-type bathroom (think the bathrooms in Harry Potter), tied them up and tortured them. Involved water/breath holding and cutting up. I was able to detach from it and realize that it was a dream/scene from a potential movie.

My body woke me up at 7 AM and wouldn't let me fall back asleep; unusual as that is, that's proof enough that UMS is working if I'm waking up early on a Saturday.

[GreekGod22]

Did you just switch from OFv3 to UMSv2 without taking a break?

[Ampersnd]

3 days off, where I normally take 1 day break between cycles

[RTBoss]

Just a reminder to start a new journal for UMSv2.

[Ampersnd]

Just a reminder to start a new journal for UMSv2.

Doing it now