OGSF; Neutrino Bomb

[ncbeareatingman]

Some definite and large OGSF things have happened

3 nights ago I realized that a lot of my unwillingness to execute subs in general was due to a fear of bad leadership. I have had quite a few bad leaders growing up, as many have, and this really made me jaded toward leadership in general. Subliminals could be classified as a type of leader/ship as it is instructing me to do/execute something. I think part of me was very unwilling to fully execute subs due to this fear of leadership. That seems to be partially or fully resolved.

2 mornings ago I woke up to the fear of death and it was very paralyzing as I lay there in bed. My response to this is was bewildering, I began to think! The results of my processing of this fear led me to a conclusion that was very profound. I don't think I fear death anymore, or at least I am in the process of becoming okay with it because the conclusion of my thoughts was this "Death as we know it is just the cessation of the localization known as the physical body. Whenever the death happens we will cease to be local but we will continue on to whatever end and I know that after my physical body dies, I will live on and I will be okay.".

I'm more comfortable with death now.

today is my first day off. I'm curious to what will unfold.

 Dang , Profound and you're right ! Love is FORVER therefore LIFE is too... Warrior of the Heart , 
Awesome progess man, facing "Da Dragons" !! -  "Chris-poe" !!

[Chris P. Bacon]

Some definite and large OGSF things have happened

3 nights ago I realized that a lot of my unwillingness to execute subs in general was due to a fear of bad leadership. I have had quite a few bad leaders growing up, as many have, and this really made me jaded toward leadership in general. Subliminals could be classified as a type of leader/ship as it is instructing me to do/execute something. I think part of me was very unwilling to fully execute subs due to this fear of leadership. That seems to be partially or fully resolved.

2 mornings ago I woke up to the fear of death and it was very paralyzing as I lay there in bed. My response to this is was bewildering, I began to think! The results of my processing of this fear led me to a conclusion that was very profound. I don't think I fear death anymore, or at least I am in the process of becoming okay with it because the conclusion of my thoughts was this "Death as we know it is just the cessation of the localization known as the physical body. Whenever the death happens we will cease to be local but we will continue on to whatever end and I know that after my physical body dies, I will live on and I will be okay.".

I'm more comfortable with death now.

today is my first day off. I'm curious to what will unfold.

 Dang , Profound and you're right ! Love is FORVER therefore LIFE is too... Warrior of the Heart , 
Awesome progess man, facing "Da Dragons" !! -  "Chris-poe" !!

Thanks Keith.  You're still always quick to encourage. I can appreciate that.

I once unintentionally went out of my body while meditating so this concept should not be foreign to me, but fear has a way of narrowing your thoughts from seeing the bigger picture. To live as if death is ever-present would be a good antidote to fear, but the dose of reality is a big pill to swallow for some reason even with the knowledge that I am more than a physical body. I can thank OGSFv2 for reminding me. 

I decided to let the off days unfold as they are and not comment on them until the end.

In my opinion, the off days are just as important as the on days. While on OGSFv2 it was hard to see what was going on. Almost like all of me was taken up with just absorbing the script, or the shield guarding the conscious mind from the subconscious mind is really strong in this sub. Either way, I just couldn't get a good read on what OGSFv2 was doing. On the off days, the work done is more apparent.

The first 2 days of were really hard. Once the subconscious mind was more available, some very VERY deep emotions rose up. I still don't have words for those emotions nor do I fully understand what was being processed. No amount of consolation to the subconscious helped. However, despite not having the ability to console the nonverbal parts of myself I did not feel powerless. This is where years of experiencing subs came in handy. If you're going through hell, keep going. While this form of erratic and depressing emotions swirled around, even to the point of robbing my body of some of its physical strength, I knew that it would break eventually. True to form, the emotions were a prelude to the breakthrough right behind them. 

After falling asleep on the second day, the hardest day of the break, I woke up on the third day like the last 2 days were nothing but a dream. I woke up happy and a little relaxed, like I was on vacation and I finally got enough sleep to enjoy myself. The inertia from the days on pushed through whatever resistance to change my subconscious had and I STRONGLY suspect resolution, if not full resolution, of whatever guilt, shame, or fear was being worked on.

The resistance was difficult, but some of the old DMSI versions were worse for me in that regard. 

For me the next part is the most exciting part.

The change feels natural and complete. Whatever was being worked on seems to be resolved and change feels like me. Not like some foreign body attempting to brute force change. No, change feels natural and acceptable. I cannot emphasize that enough so I won't even bother trying, but it's a big deal for me. 

What does this look like in my everyday life?

I feel more relaxed. The low-grade anxiety following me around that touched every part of my life doesn't seem to be there anymore, or it's short-lived. I'm much less inclined to second guess myself and if I do, it is a short event that is quickly resolved as constant doubt is a wheel I don't want to spin anymore. It robs me of peace and energy that can be better spent elsewhere. I am much less likely to be affected by others or scenarios outside of myself. I used to gauge my sense of self-safety from the events surrounding me. This was done mostly in an unconscious manner and proved very hard to deal with. No amount of mindfulness or explaining was able to reach the part of me that deeply feared the events around me. That is a powerless way to live life and not very ideal.

I feel more like me again. Like when I was younger before all the cares of the past piled up until I became more something other than myself; afraid. Fear, guilt, and shame sap the life out of life and make you miserable and unable to bring the best out of yourself. 

It hasn't been the easiest first cycle of a sub, but I think it's been the most productive.

Today is my first day on the 2nd cycle.

[Chris P. Bacon]

"Death" is just a transition from physical to non-physical.

In my scripts, I rely as heavily as I can on your own subconscious to make decisions for you about what should be done, how and at what speed, etc. I don't believe I can, nor presume to have the knowledge to, create scripts that are all coming from my personal knowledge and skill.  That's also why I rely so heavily on he predictive models to help decide what goals each program should have.  So by and large, I and my limited-ness have stepped out of the equation, and what is left is instructions that get you to find the necessary variable values for what works best for you.  So really, you are the leader, not me.  And a big part of this is due to the limits I have on what I know and what I can see of your unique situation, but easily as much comes down to the fact that the more you do of the process, the less you have to trust in me, my goals, my competence.  And that has made a big difference in getting execution.

That makes sense. For you to try to pin down all of the variables that could affect a person sounds like a futile attempt. What I might have been feeling was the fear of taking the reins again in my life. Part of me seems to have been paralyzed by fear into not wanting to be responsible for my own life. It's akin to the learned helplessness we see in animals with high serotonin. 

I wonder how this will affect my execution of OGSFv2 in the rest of the run and future subliminal runs. I strongly desire to redo and finish Maverick because despite the difficulty I faced on that sub, it was still rather enjoyable to run.

[Chris P. Bacon]

On a technical note to Shannon, since the addition of Cloudflare to the Indigo Mind Labs site I have had to turn off Nord VPN to stream OGSFv2. That might not be a changeable thing but I just wanted to point that out. Not a major issue, I just had to figure out that the site doesn't like VPNs now. I can understand why

[Shannon]

On a technical note to Shannon, since the addition of Cloudflare to the Indigo Mind Labs site I have had to turn off Nord VPN to stream OGSFv2. That might not be a changeable thing but I just wanted to point that out. Not a major issue, I just had to figure out that the site doesn't like VPNs now. I can understand why

If memory serves, we turned off VPN access for security reasons.

[Chris P. Bacon]

On a technical note to Shannon, since the addition of Cloudflare to the Indigo Mind Labs site I have had to turn off Nord VPN to stream OGSFv2. That might not be a changeable thing but I just wanted to point that out. Not a major issue, I just had to figure out that the site doesn't like VPNs now. I can understand why

If memory serves, we turned off VPN access for security reasons.

I understand. A lot of DDOS attacks and other hacking attempts are bounced off 1 or more vpns or servers before they reach their target. It's not a big issue it just took me a few minutes to figure out what was happening.

[Chris P. Bacon]

1st day back on was filled with a fair amount of relaxation and peace. Very little bothered me today and prior neurotic thought loops that are anxiety-based were short-lived or not even present.

On OGSFv2 the good days are pretty good.

If I had to guess, I think I respond to subs well. Even though deep subconscious fear has sidetracked results, I think once you get past that I execute pretty well. One thing I have noticed in the past is that part of me is executing the sub, but my mind doesn't catch up with it or there is a block that stops me from acting on the instructions. It might be too early to tell but I think that is dissolving on OGSFv2.

[Chris P. Bacon]

OGSFv2 is in silent mode again.

Last 2 days have been really quiet as far as any sort of noticeable action is concerned. Not a bad things but this is the first sub that has gone dark on me multiple weeks in a row during days on. Or maybe the overt results from older subs is actually causing issues and OGSFv2 is quiet on purpose.

Either way, it's interesting.

[Chris P. Bacon]

It's been mud days on OGSFv2 for the last 3 days. Felt like walking through a knee deep swamp of emotions. That all cleared last night and I'm feeling great now.

The emotions were deep and primal, as well as wordless once again. I did come to the conclusion that I'm willing to process these emotions now and it doesn't matter what they are I'm willing to go through them.

This next part is an observation based on attachment theory. Attachment theory was an idea proposed based on some studies in the 60's IIRC which studied how babies responded to caregivers leaving and coming back into the room. The observed responses of the kids generally fell into 4 categories and there is a wealth of knowledge about it online now.

My attachment style is avoidant with almost 100% certainty.

The wordless emotions that I felt this time actually formed into some words right before they were cleared. "I deserve to be loved". When that happened some of the info about attachment theory flashed in my head and I was able to grasp what was being worked on to a degree. attachment wounds can and do form before you are able to say words so this might be evidence that Shannon is indeed accessing the subconscious parts of us that are "pre words'' and only linger of the realm of feelings before thoughts.

To me this is a big deal as I feel quite a bit different today. I am seeing a change to core issues and words just don't express how good it feels to have these things addressed, despite how hard the moments before the breakthrough are.

This could be huge.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Days off really showing good things again.

Today, midway through work, I really felt relaxed. A relaxation I have not felt in 13 years. OGSFv2 has most likely cleared an issue that resulted in a trauma 13 years ago that created a deep seated unsafe feeling in me. I can track this one because I remember that I never felt the same since that issue..........and now it seems to be cleared. When it came about I was just not willing to stress myself out anymore and relaxed quite a bit. It's once again in the sensing/feeling department and it wasn't under conscious control unless I wanted to keep pushing myself via stress, which I was not willing.

However, an interesting phenomena of coming off of stress is that you feel like you are in an almost depressed state. I've heard other peoples experiences from this "come down" off a constant stress state and most generally relate it to and addiction-like action of the hormones of stress. Whatever it is, it's actually a good sign, it means that the stress that has driven my life for the last 13 years is resolved or resolving. Once again all this is happening in the feelings department so it's a little hard to put words to it.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Tried to switch to MIR during my off days due to a wound that I didn't want infected. Not the correct choice. The new generations of subs are as such that I cannot turn subs on a dime anymore. Subconscious was protesting all day and it wasn't enjoyable.

Off days can leave me feeling kind of raw. Like all the defenses I've built up to ignore the parts about myself I don't like or feel bad about are gone and I feel bare to them. Might be that the off days interrupted some work in progress. Not an enjoyable feeling. I feel like my flaws are obvious to everyone and it's a very vulnerable state.

Just want to curl up and hide from everyone due to these ugly feelings.

[Shannon]

Trust the program. Trust the process. Trust the instructions. And no, you cannot turn on a dime with my subliminal experiences anymore. Don't try to do that.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Trust the program.  Trust the process.  Trust the instructions.  And no, you cannot turn on a dime with my subliminal experiences anymore.  Don't try to do that.

Thank you for the encouragement. 

It was probably due to a work in progress as well as trying a different sub that got me so low.

A few days back on OGSFv2 and I'm doing good again.

I had a realization a little bit ago. 11 years ago I had a negative experience that caused me to deeply distrust myself and by extension my subconscious. This distrust caused a rather large and out-of-balance shift toward cerebral/mental processes and out of my feelings and intuitive abilities. I began to doubt or discredit my emotions and my intuition waned considerably. This was not without some benefits as I did learn quite a bit during this timeframe and I'm grateful for that. However, life began to lose its luster as more and more time went by. Anxiety fueled a low-grade depression and taxed my body with hormones of stress, which break down the body by nature.

Eventually, I reached a close encounter with poor health that would have led to chronic disease. Ironically, I stumbled upon a vast amount of health information from a community of people who follow a man named Ray Peat. I say ironically because my unbalanced disposition toward cerebral information allowed me to digest and figure out what was wrong with my body and I was able to steer myself towards physical health again. 

I digress.

Today I realized how much that distrust in myself was active and affecting me. It affected all of me as I cut off part of the information stream that could have helped me and made my life more enjoyable. Not only that but it cut the appreciation of many activities because I couldn't let myself go for fear of doing something stupid again. Self-distrust narrows everything you do in life down to the small band that is "control". Like putting on color-tinted glasses, you willingly give up the multicolored nature of every present moment for the sake of one that is hemmed in. Fewer variables, but less color. 

This gave way to a perfectly boring life.

Well, today I grasped how much I distrust myself and was willing to let the work happen. Not sure what it will look like but that's ok. I feel no unease about addressing this and I don't feel much work under the hood going on but that seems to be my OGSFv2 experience so far. I'm sure it'll be good though.

Other things have been happening as well and because of the stealthy nature of this sub, it comes as a little bit of a surprise. I'm not as willing to accept people's bad behavior. I'm not confrontational about it, I just don't blame myself for their behavior. I worry considerably less as if it were the natural course of action. I'm having more desires again and I look forward to things. 

This sub is pretty silent, but it is deadly  .

The last day of this cycle is tomorrow and then I think I'll shorten the days off to 5. There is subtle TID on the 6th day off, which likely means that I should shorten the rest cycle.

[Shannon]

First, TID doesn't mean you need to shorten anything. It means you're going to run the program again soon. TID, by it's very nature, is the result of using the program, and gets stronger the closer you are to pressing "play". You'll have the same experience of TID by shortening the days, because you're still going to "press play" again. The days off give you time to rest, unpack and execute.

Second, OGSF is designed to be subtle and unobtrusive so you can achieve the program's goals as easily as possible. That seems to be working well for you.