04-22-2023, 10:18 PM
I once said before or maybe not that my parents especially my mother are overprotective, one can imagine the consequences derived from that but right now I'm going to focus on the internalized personalities I mimic from them, for what reason? for acceptance and to avoid shame and guilt when I didn't behave or act as they wanted which further lead to self hatred or rather hating their personalities but if I don't then I will feel ashamed and guilty for whatever reason which lead to fear of rejection, yet at the same time i can't stand that so I try to act like myself, triggering more fear, hatred and so on, also something nasty about the imitated personlities is punishment for going against them, for example trying to make me suffer when I do something they don't like for example using OF or OGSF and is already clear why, without the shame, guilt and fear they can't survive, for some time now my mind goes about how inauthentic I am and how I replicate their actions and behaviors that I dislike but what if I don't feel ashamed or guilty behaving as myself? I act more like myself and no longer trigger fear for doing it, the change will be progressive and those borrowed personalities will become nothing in the end, no use keeping phantoms within me.
