Since I have memory I never had any kind of real interest in women besides psysical attraction, that doesn't mean I can't interact with them but when it comes to whatever attraction I feel towards a women I just can't do it, my body stops, my brain stops, my consciousness stops and then I find myself thinking about how I can escape from talking to her, can't even write online, there is this force that stop me from doing so, I feel a bit fearful but most of it is shame, is like a deathtrap, if I speak to her I die and if not I feel ashamed of myself, a part of me wants to but then the fearful part just stop me.
I can only think back when as a kid women often humiliate me and I hope this doesn't break rules but I will say it regardless, I enjoy seeing them being humiliated and that doen't mean I like the idea of disrespecting them or treat them like shit, my emotional self just enjoy it whenever I see it, I'm pretty fucked up I know and won't deny those parts of myself, looks like fear had prevented me from committing atrocities in the past but now fear itself is like a jail that prevents me from improving myself and letting go of the past.
I can only think back when as a kid women often humiliate me and I hope this doesn't break rules but I will say it regardless, I enjoy seeing them being humiliated and that doen't mean I like the idea of disrespecting them or treat them like shit, my emotional self just enjoy it whenever I see it, I'm pretty fucked up I know and won't deny those parts of myself, looks like fear had prevented me from committing atrocities in the past but now fear itself is like a jail that prevents me from improving myself and letting go of the past.
