06-10-2021, 09:10 AM
The last cycle ended up being:
2 loops:3 loops:2loops:OFF:OFF (currently on 2nd SASRB off day)
The day I ran 3 loops was by accident(?). Rather than run the 2 loop playlist, I got lazy and checked the loop repeat toggle on my Neutron player. I normally toggle the loop repeat back to "play once through and stop," fairly early on into the last loop. Instead, I neglected to check at all, and found myself 3 minutes into a 3rd loop when I did.
I'm not tired at all (when caffeinated - per my norm) during the day. When I run loops, I find I get tired while listening, and could easily nap or go to bed.
Yesterday, I found myself easily stressed, irritated, angry, and/or anxious. Seems to be the case today, so far, as well.
Have some big changes going on right now (which I'll talk about when it's all settled), which I'm sure are contributing to the stress. I can almost feel all of my energy going to dealing with OF subconsciously, so much so that I have very little of anything left to deal with things in my day-to-day. I'm sure this will get much better as fears are cleared away and the root causes dealt with. In the meantime, I turn to caffeine to keep myself going (either pills or Diet Mountain Dew). Eating healthy and exercising feels like swimming upstream - just added stressors. I think I'm eating unhealthy choices often (especially fatty meats, like burgers/wings/bbq/fries/Chick-fil-a). Unfortunately, gaining weight and eating unhealthy stresses me out, too. I still find myself drinking more alcohol, as well.
Using healing and clearing subs, I had an easier time eating better, exercising, and avoiding alcohol. Since FRM subs, that's been a much bigger problem for me. Perhaps it was DMSI telling me to make myself sexier that helped with that, I don't know. I haven't been where I want to be with those things since 2018. I also don't enjoy coffee anymore, whereas I used to drink a pot a day. So a lot has changed, in different ways.
Had a memorable dream again last night. I was staying in a hotel suite that had laundry machines in multiple rooms. I remember counting 8 or so. Then I walked in on a beautiful girl (who appeared to have just showered, as she had her hair wrapped in a towel and was wearing a robe). She told me that I should go clean up the hotel suite, as she disrobed in front of me, and started dealing with arranging her hair. She had a perfect body, and she was clearly very comfortable being naked in front of me. I remember setting off to clean up, and the dream ends there.
2 loops:3 loops:2loops:OFF:OFF (currently on 2nd SASRB off day)
The day I ran 3 loops was by accident(?). Rather than run the 2 loop playlist, I got lazy and checked the loop repeat toggle on my Neutron player. I normally toggle the loop repeat back to "play once through and stop," fairly early on into the last loop. Instead, I neglected to check at all, and found myself 3 minutes into a 3rd loop when I did.
I'm not tired at all (when caffeinated - per my norm) during the day. When I run loops, I find I get tired while listening, and could easily nap or go to bed.
Yesterday, I found myself easily stressed, irritated, angry, and/or anxious. Seems to be the case today, so far, as well.
Have some big changes going on right now (which I'll talk about when it's all settled), which I'm sure are contributing to the stress. I can almost feel all of my energy going to dealing with OF subconsciously, so much so that I have very little of anything left to deal with things in my day-to-day. I'm sure this will get much better as fears are cleared away and the root causes dealt with. In the meantime, I turn to caffeine to keep myself going (either pills or Diet Mountain Dew). Eating healthy and exercising feels like swimming upstream - just added stressors. I think I'm eating unhealthy choices often (especially fatty meats, like burgers/wings/bbq/fries/Chick-fil-a). Unfortunately, gaining weight and eating unhealthy stresses me out, too. I still find myself drinking more alcohol, as well.
Using healing and clearing subs, I had an easier time eating better, exercising, and avoiding alcohol. Since FRM subs, that's been a much bigger problem for me. Perhaps it was DMSI telling me to make myself sexier that helped with that, I don't know. I haven't been where I want to be with those things since 2018. I also don't enjoy coffee anymore, whereas I used to drink a pot a day. So a lot has changed, in different ways.
Had a memorable dream again last night. I was staying in a hotel suite that had laundry machines in multiple rooms. I remember counting 8 or so. Then I walked in on a beautiful girl (who appeared to have just showered, as she had her hair wrapped in a towel and was wearing a robe). She told me that I should go clean up the hotel suite, as she disrobed in front of me, and started dealing with arranging her hair. She had a perfect body, and she was clearly very comfortable being naked in front of me. I remember setting off to clean up, and the dream ends there.
