07-22-2022, 07:19 PM
Day 2 was pretty good.
Last night I was getting into bed and turned on the sub and was watching a video on my phone in bed and just chilling with the lights off. The sub started to arrest my attention and it was like the pressure valve of anxiety and fear that I had long forgotten how to open just opened up and it was a soul exhale that needed to happen for a long long time now. I just turned off the video and just let OF do its thing while I melted in a little bit of peace.
It's still a learning process though and while OF is paving the way I am learning to live differently. I'm not willing to live in fear anymore and remembering OF throughout the day has been helping with some of the more impulsive states of mind and being. I think one of the biggest things for me is to just impulsively push through subs to get to my "normal" state of being. However, I'm not entirely sure so that's just a maybe.
My humor and conversation ability is coming out again so that's good news. Still less stressed after work and because of that, I have more energy for after-work activities. My brain was starting to feel pretty burnt but OF has been helping.
Overall more relaxed and happy as well as feeling like I'm in my body a little more but that still needs some practice. Like working out an atrophied muscle, remembering a state of being long not used takes a bit of practice to maintain.
I wish I could play the sub another night but I can feel that I am tired. Might be a sign of resistance if that's possible. However, this is the first sub that, to me, feels like the goal of the sub is a forgone conclusion as long as I continue on.
Now it's time for 4 days off. I wonder what they'll be like.
Last night I was getting into bed and turned on the sub and was watching a video on my phone in bed and just chilling with the lights off. The sub started to arrest my attention and it was like the pressure valve of anxiety and fear that I had long forgotten how to open just opened up and it was a soul exhale that needed to happen for a long long time now. I just turned off the video and just let OF do its thing while I melted in a little bit of peace.
It's still a learning process though and while OF is paving the way I am learning to live differently. I'm not willing to live in fear anymore and remembering OF throughout the day has been helping with some of the more impulsive states of mind and being. I think one of the biggest things for me is to just impulsively push through subs to get to my "normal" state of being. However, I'm not entirely sure so that's just a maybe.
My humor and conversation ability is coming out again so that's good news. Still less stressed after work and because of that, I have more energy for after-work activities. My brain was starting to feel pretty burnt but OF has been helping.
Overall more relaxed and happy as well as feeling like I'm in my body a little more but that still needs some practice. Like working out an atrophied muscle, remembering a state of being long not used takes a bit of practice to maintain.
I wish I could play the sub another night but I can feel that I am tired. Might be a sign of resistance if that's possible. However, this is the first sub that, to me, feels like the goal of the sub is a forgone conclusion as long as I continue on.
Now it's time for 4 days off. I wonder what they'll be like.
