Mojam's E2 Journal

[mojamhaque]

Date: 15.06.2017
Day: 14
Listened Hour: 04 hours

Nice day passed but still has some fears for performance, job etc. Still didn't notice any massive changes inside myself except a lot of fears. May be required some more times.

Tried to watch some video tutorials on algorithms and data structures but can't concentrate properly. I'll have to seat for interview in December,2017 but still I can't concentrate in my study but I passes hours and hours in facebook type social network. I have to read a lot of books and watch a lot of video tutorials within next december but I can't seat on table for read.

[mojamhaque]

My thinking patterns are irritated me very frequently. Some of my thinking patterns are as-

Fear of reading:
If I don’t read what will happen in my future. I have no financial stability. So I have to read more and more for income sufficient money. I have to know a lot of thinks. So I have to read and read. But when I seat for read I can’t concentrate. Start with one topic and frequently move to another topic. At that time I think “Probably that topic is more important to me. So I have to complete that first then have to go to this one” and due to this thinking I frequently switch topic to topic, book to book and finally complete nothing.

Fear of Death:
If I die what will happen with my family. I don’t have enough money left for them. They don’t have nobody but me. What they will do in absence of me. So me have to income a lot of money for them so that they can survive in absence of me.

Worrying about Career:
What will be my career? What will be my final destination? I have to income a lot of money for a nice future. So I need to have a nice career. Do I destroy my career by wasting time?

Worry about performance:
Am I a good performer? Am I know everything that require to perform the job? Can I actually complete the job smoothly? What will be the measurement of my performance? Would it be good or worst? I want to be the best but why I can’t? etc. etc.

Fear of Job:
What will happen to me or my family if I loss the job? I don’t have enough money.. How I will survive with my family if I become jobless? How I will manage another job? I don’t have enough skill, I have to work hard for increase my skills… Would the salary of that job will be as handsome as current one? Etc. etc.

Fear of my boss:
What my boss thinks about me? Is it good or bad? Will he dismiss me from this job? Is he mind for my attitude/behavior? Is he angry with me? Am I able to do everything that my boss instructed me to do? Am I able to do everything in the same way as my boss instructed me? Did I do everything same as my boss advised? Etc etc.

Worry about money
How I will get enough money. I have a lot of loan. I have to pay them. I need a lot of money for my family, for my future. I need my own residence. How I will get money to build that? I wish I have a nice car. I wish I have billions of amount in my bank account. etc etc.

I always remain worried by thinking above bullshits. All my joys and happiness are gone from me due to those thinking. I can't concentrate in anything, I don't get confidence to do anything, I remain demotivated always, I Can't think anything deeply, feel very weak both physically and mentally. I just heart and soul want to get rid from those thinking.

[Zane]

It is said that most of the things which u worry or fear about never usually happens...

Ever since I became conscious I always remember living in fear. My parents told me that when I was 4 or 5 I was brutally beaten by one of my school teachers. I seriously don't even remember that. But I think that was where it all began and fast forward 20 years. I was still like that. I even got used to this emotion and thought it was a part of me and I loved it when I went into depression. I loved living with those sad, depressed all those emotions driven by fear.. Cause fear me me to stop taking action and due to which I won't accomplish my goal which ruined my like and made be miserable..
I was looking for a solution and somehow I found IML and I unconsciously started experimenting with the subs for about a year and found what I need.

Your fear was the driving emotion which helping u live ur life. In ur job, ur choices everything. These were the hidden emotions which were hidden deep into ur mind and now they r all coming to surface... All u have to do is to face them. Not fight but just face them. Don't be afraid of those emotions just face them. Once u do that u will realise how powerful u r and how weak they are..

Face these zombiefied emotions and u will be free..

[mojamhaque]

It is said that most of the things which u worry or fear about never usually happens...

Ever since I became conscious I always remember living in fear. My parents told me that when I was 4 or 5 I was brutally beaten by one of my school teachers. I seriously don't even remember that. But I think that was where it all began and fast forward 20 years. I was still like that. I even got used to this emotion and thought it was a part of me and I loved it when I went into depression. I loved living with those sad, depressed all those emotions driven by fear.. Cause fear me me to stop taking action and due to which I won't accomplish my goal which ruined my like and made be miserable..
I was looking for a solution and somehow I found IML and I unconsciously started experimenting with the subs for about a year and found what I need.

Your fear was the driving emotion which helping u live ur life. In ur job, ur choices everything. These were the hidden emotions which were hidden deep into ur mind and now they r all coming to surface... All u have to do is to face them. Not fight but just face them. Don't be afraid of those emotions just face them. Once u do that u will realise how powerful u r and how weak they are..

Face these zombiefied emotions and u will be free..

Thanks Zane. You are really inspiring. Some of my traumas that's I remember (from the very beginning of my life) are follows-

+. At the time when I was the student of play group one day I found that my seniors are busy to cleaning their teeth, nails etc because Thana Education Officer will visit our school and he will beat all the students who are not enough neat and clean. As soon as I heared that I became afraid and started crying. When I was cried one of my uncle came to me and I left the school with him (for that day). This nervousness were in my mind for a lot of day. It happened when I was only 4 years old.

+. At the period of my play group I also remain afraid because I saw some teachers were beat the senior students very badly. This fear were in my mind up to my secondary school certification. This can be the root cause of fear of teacher. In our country (at that time) students were beaten very badly by teachers up to secondary level

+. At that time I also sometime become afraid due to a gossip "Someone will slaughter me". This fear didn't sustained very long time.

+. When I was the first day of my school one of my teacher beaten me and I carried a lot. I still remember after that I was carried everyday to go to school and one of my elder sister sat beside me in class room so that I don't cry. At that time I was only 5 years.

+. When I was class 05 (at my 10 years old) we beaten one of my classmate. As a result he complained to head master against us. After hearing that we were very afraid thinking that our head master will beat us very much. But actually he didn't do that. He just made a mutual solution. At that time I was only 10 years old.

+. When I was class 05 I was afraid for Junior School Certification Exam because from some seniors I came to know that it would very hard and the in-charge of the exam can ban me from the exam for any mistake.

+. When I was in class six (age only 11) one of my neighbor committed suicide. At that time I were very nervous after knowing that her dead body became very ghastly. Even I didn't saw her dead body due to nervousness. I was as much afraid due to this that I started praying due to the fear of death at that time. Consciously I was afraid at least one more year for that. After this incident I still can't go to see any dead body. It causes me fear.

+. When I was class eight (at the age 13) there were fighting between people of two areas (in front of me) due to showing the power. They used different weapons against each other. At that time I became very afraid and ran away from there.

+. I came from a lower middle class family where money is one of the regular problem. I had to struggle huge for my fooding, clothing etc. Even when I was a undergraduate student sometimes I had to passed day without eating anything due to lack of money. A lot of day I passed when I just took a glass of water and a piece of biscuit as my breakfast or launch or dinner because I failed to afford more than that. A lot of days I passed when I took only a cup of tea and a biscuit for my launch or dinner or breakfast. A lot of day passed when I took nothing in my breakfast or launch or dinner. These memories still exists in my mind. Even I become afraid when I think about that time.

+. When I was undergrad level student once I was arrested by police (without any offence). What I did were I was Gossiping with some of my friends beside road. At that time police raid that area and arrested us and put into the cell. Our Varsity Authority came and bailed us. Still I feel nervous for this and pray to Almighty so that I never fall such situation for second time.

+. Two years before there was a terrible incident happened in Nepal. Earthquake. At that time the effects of those earth quakes also affected our country very badly. Each day of earthquake I was at level 16 so I felt the vibration of the earthquake very badly. Still this is the source of my nervousness

+. When I was very child I often listen different terrible stories like stories about ghost, stories about robbers etc. from my grand mother. Those stories made me afraid at that time.

+. My boss fired some employees in front of me (different time for different reasons but those reasons were not enough massive for fire an employee). This can be the cause of my fear too.

As far as I remember those are the fearful events in my life.

You asked me to face those emotions. How can I face them? Can you please explain briefly?

[Jake2015]

It is said that most of the things which u worry or fear about never usually happens...

Ever since I became conscious I always remember living in fear. My parents told me that when I was 4 or 5 I was brutally beaten by one of my school teachers. I seriously don't even remember that. But I think that was where it all began and fast forward 20 years. I was still like that. I even got used to this emotion and thought it was a part of me and I loved it when I went into depression. I loved living with those sad, depressed all those emotions driven by fear.. Cause fear me me to stop taking action and due to which I won't accomplish my goal which ruined my like and made be miserable..
I was looking for a solution and somehow I found IML and I unconsciously started experimenting with the subs for about a year and found what I need.

Your fear was the driving emotion which helping u live ur life. In ur job, ur choices everything. These were the hidden emotions which were hidden deep into ur mind and now they r all coming to surface... All u have to do is to face them. Not fight but just face them. Don't be afraid of those emotions just face them. Once u do that u will realise how powerful u r and how weak they are..

Face these zombiefied emotions and u will be free..

Thanks Zane. You are really inspiring. Some of my traumas that's I remember (from the very beginning of my life) are follows-

+. At the time when I was the student of play group one day I found that my seniors are busy to cleaning their teeth, nails etc because Thana Education Officer will visit our school and he will beat all the students who are not enough neat and clean. As soon as I heared that I became afraid and started crying. When I was cried one of my uncle came to me and I left the school with him (for that day). This nervousness were in my mind for a lot of day. It happened when I was only 4 years old.

+. At the period of my play group I also remain afraid because I saw some teachers were beat the senior students very badly. This fear were in my mind up to my secondary school certification. This can be the root cause of fear of teacher. In our country (at that time) students were beaten very badly by teachers up to secondary level

+. At that time I also sometime become afraid due to a gossip "Someone will slaughter me". This fear didn't sustained very long time.

+. When I was the first day of my school one of my teacher beaten me and I carried a lot. I still remember after that I was carried everyday to go to school and one of my elder sister sat beside me in class room so that I don't cry. At that time I was only 5 years.

+. When I was class 05 (at my 10 years old) we beaten one of my classmate. As a result he complained to head master against us. After hearing that we were very afraid thinking that our head master will beat us very much. But actually he didn't do that. He just made a mutual solution. At that time I was only 10 years old.

+. When I was class 05 I was afraid for Junior School Certification Exam because from some seniors I came to know that it would very hard and the in-charge of the exam can ban me from the exam for any mistake.

+. When I was in class six (age only 11) one of my neighbor committed suicide. At that time I were very nervous after knowing that her dead body became very ghastly. Even I didn't saw her dead body due to nervousness. I was as much afraid due to this that I started praying due to the fear of death at that time. Consciously I was afraid at least one more year for that. After this incident I still can't go to see any dead body. It causes me fear.

+. When I was class eight (at the age 13) there were fighting between people of two areas (in front of me) due to showing the power. They used different weapons against each other. At that time I became very afraid and ran away from there.

+. I came from a lower middle class family where money is one of the regular problem. I had to struggle huge for my fooding, clothing etc. Even when I was a undergraduate student sometimes I had to passed day without eating anything due to lack of money. A lot of day I passed when I just took a glass of water and a piece of biscuit as my breakfast or launch or dinner because I failed to afford more than that. A lot of days I passed when I took only a cup of tea and a biscuit for my launch or dinner or breakfast. A lot of day passed when I took nothing in my breakfast or launch or dinner. These memories still exists in my mind. Even I become afraid when I think about that time.

+. When I was undergrad level student once I was arrested by police (without any offence). What I did were I was Gossiping with some of my friends beside road. At that time police raid that area and arrested us and put into the cell. Our Varsity Authority came and bailed us. Still I feel nervous for this and pray to Almighty so that I never fall such situation for second time.

+. Two years before there was a terrible incident happened in Nepal. Earthquake. At that time the effects of those earth quakes also affected our country very badly. Each day of earthquake I was at level 16 so I felt the vibration of the earthquake very badly. Still this is the source of my nervousness

+. When I was very child I often listen different terrible stories like stories about ghost, stories about robbers etc. from my grand mother. Those stories made me afraid at that time.

+. My boss fired some employees in front of me (different time for different reasons but those reasons were not enough massive for fire an employee). This can be the cause of my fear too.

As far as I remember those are the fearful events in my life.

You asked me to face those emotions. How can I face them? Can you please explain briefly?

I don't mean to interrupt your journal and I cannot explain how facing your emotions can help you overcome them but ill try and assist in explaining what I know and understand.

There is a methodology that teaches people to accept their emotions as simply an emotion, the same way you accept that the day is light and night is without light, it doesnt change anything except that you accept this is the way it is.

So accepting your emotions, which means feeling them inside you as they occur and saying YES to them releases them.

However you need to have a lot of patience with this technique and a lot of time and tbh neither of which most people have.

So I cannot suggest this and do not suggest this.

I also feel that facing or resurfacing your emotions doesn't release them it makes you either focus on them giving them power or if you try to accept them you simply become desensitised to them which I don't believe is healthy either.

I think what you have to understand is that we all have some level of pain in our lives and guess what we will all continue to have pain too.

This life is a test as some believe and therefore you cannot go through it simply not having issues BUT you are here now and you are using E2.

Clearly E2 is working for you. I didn't believe it worked for me for the time I had used it and I didn't notice it working on me either however for you its clear it is working.

No matter what your goals are with your career and all the learnings you have to do, I think since e2 is working then you should continue with it and help it to clear you of your emotional baggages.

It is something you have to sit and think hard about, which is when the time comes do you continue with e2, or move to MLS 5.5 or any other sub.

Since this sub is working, and since you have sat at your computer listing your past issues/traumas which I know you did after the advice you sought then perhaps dealing with those is your primary goal.

I also think that even if you do move to MLS which no body can blame you for since you have career goals for your life, then know that you can return to E2 at a later time to complete your healing.

All that I ask is that you:

1) Ask shannon how much time away from subs you should have, as a break from e2 to any sub you may want to use later, such as MLS 5.5G. Its often unwise to jump from 1 sub to straight to another unless Shannon says.

2) Sit with a pen and paper and evaluate which needs priority, your healing or other goals and that way you can know what to move onto next if you need to or know to remain on E2 for a year or longer.

Either way, I believe myself that focusing on emotions and trauma does nothing, sometimes life just gives you a bad hand and you may never understand why yourself. Only know that no matter how bad your life is, there is always someone in a worse position who still gives thanks to God and smiles and that teaches us all that with all our fears we can still know we don't have as bad as another.

I know my words are easy, and its easy to type but were all here to help one another 1 way or another, so don't worry about your past, let E2 deal with your past, you simply work out where you want to go with your future and let your journey and your adventure be Awesome!

[mojamhaque]

It is said that most of the things which u worry or fear about never usually happens...

Ever since I became conscious I always remember living in fear. My parents told me that when I was 4 or 5 I was brutally beaten by one of my school teachers. I seriously don't even remember that. But I think that was where it all began and fast forward 20 years. I was still like that. I even got used to this emotion and thought it was a part of me and I loved it when I went into depression. I loved living with those sad, depressed all those emotions driven by fear.. Cause fear me me to stop taking action and due to which I won't accomplish my goal which ruined my like and made be miserable..
I was looking for a solution and somehow I found IML and I unconsciously started experimenting with the subs for about a year and found what I need.

Your fear was the driving emotion which helping u live ur life. In ur job, ur choices everything. These were the hidden emotions which were hidden deep into ur mind and now they r all coming to surface... All u have to do is to face them. Not fight but just face them. Don't be afraid of those emotions just face them. Once u do that u will realise how powerful u r and how weak they are..

Face these zombiefied emotions and u will be free..

Thanks Zane. You are really inspiring. Some of my traumas that's I remember (from the very beginning of my life) are follows-

+. At the time when I was the student of play group one day I found that my seniors are busy to cleaning their teeth, nails etc because Thana Education Officer will visit our school and he will beat all the students who are not enough neat and clean. As soon as I heared that I became afraid and started crying. When I was cried one of my uncle came to me and I left the school with him (for that day). This nervousness were in my mind for a lot of day. It happened when I was only 4 years old.

+. At the period of my play group I also remain afraid because I saw some teachers were beat the senior students very badly. This fear were in my mind up to my secondary school certification. This can be the root cause of fear of teacher. In our country (at that time) students were beaten very badly by teachers up to secondary level

+. At that time I also sometime become afraid due to a gossip "Someone will slaughter me". This fear didn't sustained very long time.

+. When I was the first day of my school one of my teacher beaten me and I carried a lot. I still remember after that I was carried everyday to go to school and one of my elder sister sat beside me in class room so that I don't cry. At that time I was only 5 years.

+. When I was class 05 (at my 10 years old) we beaten one of my classmate. As a result he complained to head master against us. After hearing that we were very afraid thinking that our head master will beat us very much. But actually he didn't do that. He just made a mutual solution. At that time I was only 10 years old.

+. When I was class 05 I was afraid for Junior School Certification Exam because from some seniors I came to know that it would very hard and the in-charge of the exam can ban me from the exam for any mistake.

+. When I was in class six (age only 11) one of my neighbor committed suicide. At that time I were very nervous after knowing that her dead body became very ghastly. Even I didn't saw her dead body due to nervousness. I was as much afraid due to this that I started praying due to the fear of death at that time. Consciously I was afraid at least one more year for that. After this incident I still can't go to see any dead body. It causes me fear.

+. When I was class eight (at the age 13) there were fighting between people of two areas (in front of me) due to showing the power. They used different weapons against each other. At that time I became very afraid and ran away from there.

+. I came from a lower middle class family where money is one of the regular problem. I had to struggle huge for my fooding, clothing etc. Even when I was a undergraduate student sometimes I had to passed day without eating anything due to lack of money. A lot of day I passed when I just took a glass of water and a piece of biscuit as my breakfast or launch or dinner because I failed to afford more than that. A lot of days I passed when I took only a cup of tea and a biscuit for my launch or dinner or breakfast. A lot of day passed when I took nothing in my breakfast or launch or dinner. These memories still exists in my mind. Even I become afraid when I think about that time.

+. When I was undergrad level student once I was arrested by police (without any offence). What I did were I was Gossiping with some of my friends beside road. At that time police raid that area and arrested us and put into the cell. Our Varsity Authority came and bailed us. Still I feel nervous for this and pray to Almighty so that I never fall such situation for second time.

+. Two years before there was a terrible incident happened in Nepal. Earthquake. At that time the effects of those earth quakes also affected our country very badly. Each day of earthquake I was at level 16 so I felt the vibration of the earthquake very badly. Still this is the source of my nervousness

+. When I was very child I often listen different terrible stories like stories about ghost, stories about robbers etc. from my grand mother. Those stories made me afraid at that time.

+. My boss fired some employees in front of me (different time for different reasons but those reasons were not enough massive for fire an employee). This can be the cause of my fear too.

As far as I remember those are the fearful events in my life.

You asked me to face those emotions. How can I face them? Can you please explain briefly?

I don't mean to interrupt your journal and I cannot explain how facing your emotions can help you overcome them but ill try and assist in explaining what I know and understand.

There is a methodology that teaches people to accept their emotions as simply an emotion, the same way you accept that the day is light and night is without light, it doesnt change anything except that you accept this is the way it is.

So accepting your emotions, which means feeling them inside you as they occur and saying YES to them releases them.

However you need to have a lot of patience with this technique and a lot of time and tbh neither of which most people have.

So I cannot suggest this and do not suggest this.

I also feel that facing or resurfacing your emotions doesn't release them it makes you either focus on them giving them power or if you try to accept them you simply become desensitised to them which I don't believe is healthy either.

I think what you have to understand is that we all have some level of pain in our lives and guess what we will all continue to have pain too.

This life is a test as some believe and therefore you cannot go through it simply not having issues BUT you are here now and you are using E2.

Clearly E2 is working for you. I didn't believe it worked for me for the time I had used it and I didn't notice it working on me either however for you its clear it is working.

No matter what your goals are with your career and all the learnings you have to do, I think since e2 is working then you should continue with it and help it to clear you of your emotional baggages.

It is something you have to sit and think hard about, which is when the time comes do you continue with e2, or move to MLS 5.5 or any other sub.

Since this sub is working, and since you have sat at your computer listing your past issues/traumas which I know you did after the advice you sought then perhaps dealing with those is your primary goal.

I also think that even if you do move to MLS which no body can blame you for since you have career goals for your life, then know that you can return to E2 at a later time to complete your healing.

All that I ask is that you:

1) Ask shannon how much time away from subs you should have, as a break from e2 to any sub you may want to use later, such as MLS 5.5G. Its often unwise to jump from 1 sub to straight to another unless Shannon says.

2) Sit with a pen and paper and evaluate which needs priority, your healing or other goals and that way you can know what to move onto next if you need to or know to remain on E2 for a year or longer.

Either way, I believe myself that focusing on emotions and trauma does nothing, sometimes life just gives you a bad hand and you may never understand why yourself. Only know that no matter how bad your life is, there is always someone in a worse position who still gives thanks to God and smiles and that teaches us all that with all our fears we can still know we don't have as bad as another.

I know my words are easy, and its easy to type but were all here to help one another 1 way or another, so don't worry about your past, let E2 deal with your past, you simply work out where you want to go with your future and let your journey and your adventure be Awesome!

I will use E2 at least three months then will move for MLS 5.5 G

[mojamhaque]

Date: 16.06.2017
Day: 15
Listened Hour: 04 hours

Started the day with a lot of worries but as the time passed they all disappeared from me. Shannon advised me to find the root of those worries. @Zane also talked me same. I have enlisted some traumas from the very beginning of my life. @jake said that E2 started working on me which is very inspiring for me.
End of the day I met with my spiritual leader which was very peaceful for me. My spiritual leader is my love and final destination of my life. Each time I met with my spiritual leader all my tensions, worries etc disappear automatically. At that place I also met with one of my best friend and gossip with him more that 3 hours which was very amazing for me.

[mojamhaque]

At last met with my doctor regarding my condition. He listened everything and finally gave me a simple solution to consume at least 5 liters water each day. This solution seems viable because I consume very small amount of water each day. He also prescribed me to take Cali Phos 12X three times each day. Lets see what happening next.

[mojamhaque]

Date: 17.06.2017
Day: 16
Listened Hour: 04 hours

Sat for reading but found it was quite tough to keep concentration during study. After a lot of trying completed a 1 hour video tutorial session. Except that nothing changes are noticed inside me. Missing my family. They are 350 KM away than me. Next week I'll meet with them. Can't wait for that. Already started counting down... Home my sweet home.

[mojamhaque]

Suffering for fever

[mojamhaque]

Feel worries for future

[Zane]

These feelings are not permanent. It's not gonna last forever. After few days u r gonna realise that it was all in ur head and it's worth going thru all these emotions.

[mojamhaque]

18.06.2017
Day 17
Listened hour-02 hours

I was almost senseless due to fever. So failed to listen exactly 04 hours. Only listened 02 hours. One thing I noticed all my fears and worries came to me in the morning. May be due to not listening exactly 04 hours for the day. That's why today I am trying to listen 04 hours. Already 03 hours listened and one hour remain. Hope I will also be able to complete this one hour.

[mojamhaque]

Already 17 days I'm listening E2. Sometime uncertainty of future, sometimes fear of death etc. comes to my mind and give me a lot of pain. Still I am afraid to face any reality. Don't know how much more times to require to overcome those. I still remember @Ben said me "Temporarily it can lower motivation because it puts you in 'healing' mode. Kind of like if you're in a hospital bed healing physically, because it's putting you in a state for healing emotionally."
. But how much time me have to remain like that? Sometimes becomes very impatient.

Pray to Almighty heart and soul to help me to overcome those situations.