Mateunio's Life Tune Up 5G 3.1 Journal

[ffaux]

I want to be prepared for AM run well, I want to know what mindset to expect from new sub as well as what behavior to encourage. I'm a little scared to be honest that I'll become jerk kind of guy, but with enough self-control and development I will change in alpha direction while staying true to who I AM.

Don't fear this because there is nothing to fear. AM6 made me a kinder, better person. A jerk is not an alpha male, a jerk is acting like an alpha male.

[Mystic Pymp]

I want to be prepared for AM run well, I want to know what mindset to expect from new sub as well as what behavior to encourage. I'm a little scared to be honest that I'll become jerk kind of guy, but with enough self-control and development I will change in alpha direction while staying true to who I AM.

Don't fear this because there is nothing to fear. AM6 made me a kinder, better person. A jerk is not an alpha male, a jerk is acting like an alpha male.

I know your right since journals prove your point (maybe except for objectifying women left and right, but it's more because of earlier issues or certain blogs they are reading like bible. just saying). Still there is this fear in me, maybe it's fear or unknown or kind of resistance. I doesn't matter though as long as it will not be stopping me from putting my headset while playing AM. And I know it won't.

Day 92

Some time ago I wrote about me taking on a hobby to meet new people and be more outgoing. I don't have time for that, but opportunity for something similar came in form of Khet tournament. Khet is game similar to chess, but with laser and different pieces, google it if you're interested. Tournament will be on next week and today in between my classes I went to training session, knowing nobody in there and never playing this game before - quite out of character for me. Anyhow I had quite a fun, people were very friendly and I even got to play with very beautiful girl. And I mention this only because it wasn't really a big deal for me, when I was in phase I was playing as if she was my good colleague. Only later it stroke me. And BTW there was draw 1:1, quite nice for someone who played the game for the first time ^^

I'm having some issues though, in particular I'm having mood swings. At one time I am very merry and careless and 10 minutes later I can be angry and passive-aggressive. Fortunately those swings are controllable if I want to, but they show there are some issues I still need to resolve. I just hope they will show themselves soon enough so I know what to deal with.

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 95

I had interesting experience lately. While going back home on the bus late evening I was standing in front of bus' glass door and whole ride home I was looking at my reflection in front of changing vistas and driving cars. It wasn't mirror image though, it was dark, colorless and with dead eyes. It almost felt like there was this darker side of me on the other side of the door staring back at me. It felt so much more real because I know there are still things lingering in me and that event almost gave them a face. Strange and kind of creepy.

I've read "How to become ..." and I rate it 4/5 with "read it again" stamper on it. It's not perfect and it's hypocritical at times, but it gives quite an interesting perspective at a couple of issues. As I'll be going through AM (only 1-2 weeks left!) I'll read it at least once more to see how I've changed my perspective on it, if nothing more. I'm thinking what self-help book to read next, I'll probably go with "The Slight Edge" because why not! I've heard it's good and maybe there will be something worthwhile in it.

My anger issues decreased, or rather I have more control over it. It's like "look, it's not a big deal, wait some or make some action but don't get emotional". Also I've had quite a lot of strange dreams this week. It's very hard to interpret them and the only thing I got from them is that consciously I'm still detached from issues I struggled with earlier this fall, even if in my subconscious they still are somewhere, hiding or dying.

Last thing, probably most important. Yesterday I went to professor at my faculty to talk with him about my thesis. I've never had classes with him, but his research is interesting and his standing is quite high, so I might use it to my advantage. There is a problem however as subconsciously feel it's not the best decision to go to him. Nothing's been set in stone just yet and I have time so I can try and pursue this path and retreat later on. Also despite this fear (or uncertainty rather) I don't better options for me than this. Should I take a leap of faith and keep going or step back and look at all options again? Why choose when I can do both?

[AlphaMind]

Read Alpha Male 2.0 undeniably this book covers a lot more aspects the "How to become...."

[Mystic Pymp]

Read Alpha Male 2.0 undeniably this book covers a lot more aspects the "How to become...."

I've read about this book in men's section, many people recommend it and the price isn't bad. If this book truly delivers on its promises I will definitely buy it, even though I'm not BlackDragon's fan.

edit

I've just bought it, gonna start reading today. I hope I won't be disappointed

[AlphaMind]

I am not a fan of anyone except Owen Cook Blueprint program. Roughly I can say BlackDragon Alpha Male 2.0 is more like a Blueprint without filler and more devised and more defined. Blueprint is 20 hours video seminar and more like "expand the idea yourself" which is good for me, but the fact of a 20 hours video

EDIT

Lets have a discussion when we are done with this book.

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 97

Sit 'round and listen to the story of two books o' mine, so similar yet so different. One is decorated with superb illustrations, another one blank and pale. One I hold and smell, another I can only see through the glass. One was given to me, another I bought. One reminds of who I was, another of who I want to be and together they combine this vision.

I'll start with first one, "World of Ice and Fire". If you watched "Game of Thrones" it's history of that world with epic illustrations and stories only mentioned in TV show or books. I got it from my parents as a gift and I fell in love with it from the start. It's just that there is something in this book that wakes up this inner child in me. Important thing is that because of all this joy that looking at fantasy castles and finding references gave me I recognize now that I should not shy away from my nerd side. For some time now I thought that all my nerdy stuff is a distraction for me, something that is undesired on my road to alpha. But now I think this is just who I am and instead of being ashamed of those interests I should be proud of my imagination and use it to my advantage. I will embrace who I am, not fight it.

I will evolve however, and second book is tool to do it. Mentioned in posts above "The Unchained Man - The Alpha Male 2.0". I've read two first chapters so far, but it's enough to say something about the book itself. And I like it. I don't agree with many things, but argumentation are well written and presented in unapologetic manner (as alpha should write and think!). It shows that book was beta-tested by people like me as it often seems to read my mind . Also as actually intelligent book (not to offend "How to become...") I found myself rereading and contemplating about some paragraphs, quite surprising really in positive sense. And it leaves this almost unsettling feeling sometimes, like it gives you realization of something you'd rather deny, but you know it's true. I have no idea what next chapters will bring as topics are all over the place and I'm afraid about consistency of the book. I'm sure I'll do full pledge review once I'm done, but even now I think it's safe to say it's true alpha male resource, concentrating on more than how to impress women, which shows that author understands concept very well.

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 100

Yeah, 100 days! What a score! I've never followed through with any self-help program for that long! And I'm sure I'll keep on going. I was thinking about doing some kind of summary, but I'll be starting AM this weekend probably so there then I'll summarize what LTU done for me in nice testimonial.

I've had bizarre dream tonight (by bizarre I mean more bizarre than usual, and I have lots of them nowadays). I that dream I borrowed my father's scooter and because of my carelessness it was stolen before my eyes. I went to pursue and I was taken hostage be the thieves. They wanted me to give up scooter and my dog (which I have no idea where came from). I had no intention to give up anything, especially my dog, so I resisted. While holding the dog in one hand and defending myself in the other I was buying some time. Then, after they got tired or something, my female colleague from Uni came by and I asked her to call police and my parents where I am and smooched her in the cheek. My captors apparently heard my call for help and wanted to beat me badly, and that's when I woke myself up.

Interesting thing I'm not much interested in her for two reasons. First although she's cute in her way she's not that pretty (or I'm not that desperate) and secondly we study together and I uphold the rule "don't poop where you eat". That being said today in between lecture while casually talking she told me that I look like some kind of king, like Aragorn from LotR or something. That was... strange. And timely. Not to mention I'm only to start using AM and people think I'm royal or something. Nice, nice!

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 102

Probably my last update on this journal and possibly the hardest one I've ever had to write. I think it's my third try to write this down and I don't even know if it's worth writing about since in day or two I will forget about it. But for sake of keeping track of my healing process, I feel I should do it.

I've met this girl today. By met I mean talked with for 2 or 3 minutes in lecture pause. And she's perfect. By that I mean my kind of perfect. It was almost as I had attracted her into my life. She's pretty, feminine, clever and, as I've learnt later, free. Because of this encounter I feel confused, with my mind absent and all over the place at the same time.

Why am I like this? Two reasons I can think of. First is that I'm scared, last time I felt like this two years ago (almost exactly in fact) it ended in the way I had to start LTU. Second reason is that I fear I will not meet her again (it was one time lecture) and I won't have chance to make any move (given I'd have balls to make a move in the first place).

Pizza and some beers with my friends helped and I'm sure I'll be better in day or two once I'll realize thinking about it is pointless, but for now I must endure.

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 103
The last one

I've just posted testimonial from my journal with LTU, read it if you like. Tonight I'll be listening to my freshly bought Alpha Male 6. That being said I want to thank you for being such an awesome community, you helped me a lot by posting here, writing your own journals as well as simply reading my random thoughts here. Thank you and I hope my adventure with AM will be even more fun. I'll be staring new journal tomorrow, in men's section.

To connect some loose ends: as I predicted I feel much better today. What I felt yesterday was not falling in love or anything, I was some strange reaction which this girl must have caused. This only shows how much more emotional baggage I have to go through yet. I cut one head of the Hydra, one I knew face of, but more remain with blurry faces and faceless whatsoever. I'm ready though. I'm more ready and determined than I ever was.