Mateunio's Life Tune Up 5G 3.1 Journal

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 81

This update is written without much thought on the fly, but it's kind of a point. Don't expect much elaboration. Also no offence for tappers

You guys (especially in men's forum) often talk about PSTEC, fasterEFT and god knows what else. I find it kind of funny to be honest as from what I read it helps short-term, but in long term users still have issues, if not old ones then new ones keep appearing. I've tried tapping for a couple of times and it helps against sudden stress/anxiety, but longer than 1 minute tapping doesn't seem to help anymore and I'd rather listen to some music/walk around the room like a psycho. Anyhow, I have super-gun at my disposal, one I used on Saturday I think. I don't wanna tell you what it is because 1) it's not family safe and 2) I'm not particularly proud about it myself. Go figure it for yourself

I used it for different motive than last time though. Last week it was to release some rising pressure, but it turned out to be way more effective than I thought. I was like I was on diet and I wanted candy so much, but once I tasted it it was bitter and not worth having more fat in my body. I still ate it though. Now it was more like I'm curious if candy's still bitter, or maybe it's sweet and delicious. And so I made an experiment, rose some pressure on purpose and tasted the candy. And it was still bitter. It was worse than bitter in fact, it was tasteless. The idea of candy is still present and I will look for sweet candy for sure, but that particular brand is worthless. Tastes like paper or something.

TL;DR I managed to detach myself from one gigantic problem I have. I know it will still haunt me and it still has imprinted it's mark in my subconscious, but I've made today the biggest progress since last December I think.

P.S.
I just hope I won't kick me in the butt in something like day or two. :/ Doubt it and I will do some countermeasures, but can't be sure.

P.P.S.
This is more or less how I fell right now.

[Shawn]

Day 81

You guys (especially in men's forum) often talk about PSTEC, fasterEFT and god knows what else. I find it kind of funny to be honest as from what I read it helps short-term, but in long term users still have issues, if not old ones then new ones keep appearing.

Hi. I don't completely agree here. It's true that we have to deal with different stuff everyday, so new issues might occur with the time. But if you clear the root of a specific kind of issues than this kind of issues shouldn't show up again. At least not for a long time. And PSTEC seems to be more profound here than FEFT. And no, I don't feel offended

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 81

You guys (especially in men's forum) often talk about PSTEC, fasterEFT and god knows what else. I find it kind of funny to be honest as from what I read it helps short-term, but in long term users still have issues, if not old ones then new ones keep appearing.

Hi. I don't completely agree here. It's true that we have to deal with different stuff everyday, so new issues might occur with the time. But if you clear the root of a specific kind of issues than this kind of issues shouldn't show up again. At least not for a long time. And PSTEC seems to be more profound here than FEFT. And no, I don't feel offended

I'm glad. The thing is I'm cautious when it comes it things like that, it's easy to mistake working method with wishful thinking. After all I was very skeptical about subs and part of me still is. Maybe one day I'll try it for longer than one minute Hopefully though there will be no need for that. Also I think reading too much You_Know_Who's journal might have decrease my faith in PSTEC.

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 82

Euphoria went away and like fog rising after the battle it showed the results. And the result seems to be huge hole somewhere in me. I know it sounds terrible, but it's good I mean it's better that there is vacuum now rather than burden and poison. Some of it tries to creep in again, but it's not persistent and I'm able to redirect my thoughts when it happens. Right now it fills with hope and dream of better day, hopefully it will fill it whole. But even now, half-empty I feel good, much lighter. It's so much easier to be open now, to smile and talk with people. Even my eye contact is longer and more confident.

[kalmah0804]

What is pstec and those other stuff you mentioned?

[Mystic Pymp]

http://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-PSTEC-...ion-thread

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 84

I've weighted myself twice this weekend and apparently I've lost 0.5 kg this week It might be random fluctuation, but even so recent measurement show that I don't gain weight, part of my natural seasonal circle. It's especially surprising since I don't really eat better nor exercise more. This almost makes me want to focus on losing weight right now. To put you into perspective I'm 1.70 metes high and 82 kg fat (for those of you living in middle-ages 5'8'' and 165 pounds). The lightest I've been since I stopped growing was 75 kg. Maybe, despite bad weather outside, it's a good time to focus on it so that in spring I'll look like an actual human being?

If I was to buy supplements to aid me with weight loss, what do you advice? Two problems I had last time I used those were 1) I'd use them as excuse to eat up (which I wouldn't now that I'm more disciplined and my self-esteem's higher) and 2) caffeine affects me quite strongly (I don't drink coffee because of it) and so they would make me feel disoriented quite often.

On another topic I've talked with my old internet female friend I've barely had contact with since September I think. I want mention exact topic out of respect for her, although it made me think as well, but there was something very interesting I wrote. When she asked me "How are you" I answered something in line of "I'm the best I've ever been since 2.5 years". And that's true. For reference 2.5 years ago I've ended high school, left it all behind and started semi-independent life (parents help me great deal still) and studying things I'm passionate about. But then came Her as well as other problems and things came back to the high school standards of bad. It seems this bad stuff is being undone now and I feel almost like a Faust given my youth and happiness back.

And you might have noticed I've changed my avatar. Why? I don't know, too many cats on this forum.

[AlphaMind]

Don't buy supplements. Just revise your food (protein, healthy fats, water, complex carbohydrates), do intermittent fasting, & workout.

If you see supplements are necessary just buy whey protein. Drink it after workout and before sleep.

[kalmah0804]

I actually recently started taking a one a day multivitamin in the morning with a full glass of water and I'll tell you that it's been doing wonders for me. I feel so much more boosted with energy and focus and optimism to start off every day. Supplements can be good for you, but ultimately aren't truly necessary if you diet well and exercise decently enough.

But before you go straight to whey protein I'd recommend starting to take a multivitamin once every day. It's been doing wonders for my energy, attention, and even my metabolism (maybe just my head but seems like it started after taking the multivitamin).

Also, just to mention, if you're performing in any competitive sports leagues, a lot of them have very strict rules about using whey protein and creatine, so be careful. Although it doesn't sound like you're in any sports leagues, judging by your journal so far

[Mystic Pymp]

@AlphaMind

Workout is no-no for me now. I'm at the Uni from 9 to 9 and with my flatmates going to bed early is impossible. And about diet, well, it's not easy to keep it as a student I'm trying though.

@kalmah0804

I'm taking some supplements already, fish oil, some multivitamins and something for concentration before hard days at Uni (yes, with caffeine, but just enough caffeine ).

Nah, the most exciting sport I've been ever interested in was Snooker

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 87

I feel good. Lots of things I'd want to discuss, most of them I'll keep to myself not to bore or I'll discuss them when I start AM. Second category is due to me starting reading "How to become an alpha" as per AM instructions (seems to be just right as I consider LTU kind of AM stage 0 ).

I'd like to discuss my today's conversation with postdoc I've just ended laboratory classes with. Today my whole group talked with her about stuff, mainly life and work. And it left me kind of sad. Maybe not sad, but worried or disturbed. She's 30 and already her life is nothing but work. She is nice and friendly, but it didn't sound like she can do anything with her life anymore. Mind that she didn't sound miserable, I'd call her content instead. Content is this strange state where you're neither happy nor sad, you just exist. It seemed that her only purpose is work and if not for that there would be nothing for her. She didn't mention anything beside it and it felt like it was on purpose. She doesn't have a boyfriend and she is not some kind of beauty, but I'm sure if she done her hair and put on some make-up she'd look fabulous. And you know what is the worst? That my colleagues smiled and laughed bitterly, but it was clear they almost know this is what will await them. I wanted to say something, that you must be optimistic and aim high, but I'd be laughed at.

What is important for me is this - if I didn't start the subs, if I didn't commit to better myself, would this who I'd become? Is it still danger for me? Becoming content, like kind of plant of cattle, working from 8 to 8 at Uni and having this sense of fulfillment as I do my research, but feeling like a robot inside. I promise myself I'll never become that, never!

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 90

I've had great night, went our partying with my friends and ended up hanging up with my friend and even trying to pick something up. However in one sphere my morale took huge hit. You see, the reason why I'm talking quite a lot about AM recently is because I'm trying to bet into this alpha mindset already. More thoughts than actions so far, but I'm having much easier time maintaining eye contact for example, I'm more confident and I care very little of what people think.

Anyhow at this party the was this girl. 10/10 for me, 7/10 for most of you I guess (I don't like using such scales anyway, it's almost offensive). She was with friendzoned beta, but it wasn't the issue. Problem was I had no balls whatsoever to even talk with her. The only thing I've done was catching some eye contact which always ended with her smiling and turning her attention elsewhere. I feel ashamed of myself, not because I passed a chance that almost seemed manifested (if you believe in those sorts of things, I have doubts), but because of how I acted. I have my justifications as I wasn't at my best, but main factor was fear and this unworthiness I feel. Well, to be honest I acted like alpha, I'm such a value she should have approached me, her loss

[JackOfHearts]

When you'll have girls everywhere being attracted to you then you would not mind for this little things. Because everywhere you go you'll have encounter like that and even better.

[Mystic Pymp]

When you'll have girls everywhere being attracted to you then you would not mind for this little things. Because everywhere you go you'll have encounter like that and even better.

I know, that's why I don't bother with this much right now. It's like me planting seeds in my garden now instead of spring, guess with seed will bear the fruit Important thing is this encounter showed me how much anxiety is still with me and that I'll have to fight it. And I even have ideas on how to do it.

Third month summary

Here it comes again, my monthly summary. November was a good month, showed me that I am stronger than I believed and assured me there is hope and possibility for me to change. I wrote at the beginning of November that this will be very challenging month, and it was. Both physically and mentally I had to push myself further than comfortable. Lots of classes where I have to stay at the Uni until 21, emotional strains as well as long nights and dark days should have left me winded and at the edge of my strength. However despite the odds I am strong and optimistic! This November saw me in better condition than any other November before and vistas of what is to come in the spring in a few months leave me almost excited. So long, November, you'll be missed.

I've made this pledge last time and now I must answer what is its resolution. Well, it's bad to be honest. My eating habits would surely improved if not for the fact I was eating very irregularly because of my schedule. Because of that I lost 2 kg, but I'm not sure if it's good way to do it. I was trying to make sure my nutrition is good and my immune system seems to suggest it's good indeed, but I have my worries. Exercises were sparse and I didn't create a habit of doing some everyday (some squats at least!). Again, I blame schedule and lack of energy after coming back home. About learning, well, I could have done better as well, but I'm not disappointed. But hey, it's me, person who watches lectures while other flatmates play video games to relax

There will be only one pledge for December - I'll finish reading "Become an Alpha Male". I want to be prepared for AM run well, I want to know what mindset to expect from new sub as well as what behavior to encourage. I'm a little scared to be honest that I'll become jerk kind of guy, but with enough self-control and development I will change in alpha direction while staying true to who I AM. But that's topic for the future.

Now, what changed this month, inspired by LTU's bullet points:
-My self esteem and other selves improved, but not terribly so. I think I need either some kind of proof/event to support that claim, like losing 10 kg more or having awesome girl asking me out (or at least being very obvious about her intentions).
-Self discipline improved, procrastination lingers but is mostly harmless.
-Optimism is going through the roof, when I'm talking with my fellow students I must hide it not to look like a hippie or other crazy. I have my moods and sometimes I feel bad and hopeless, but it always disappears soon enough.
-Anxiety is still huge problem. Forcing myself to do things is possible, but most often than not when anxious I'm paralyzed and unable to do much.
-"Being a good person" - not that's funny. I thinking a lot about not being a douche, I hope it counts. With my increased socializing and confidence I often find myself worrying I might cross the line.
-Winner's mindset is on, the world is my oyster!
-Ego balancing is interesting as I find myself a bit anxious that I use to much "I", "me", "mine" in sentences.
-Socializing part in on, but extremely so. Not enough time and energy to do this right now.
-OGSF is star of the show, as always. I forgive myself easily and learn from mistakes instead of crying over the outcomes.
-Wisdom, maturity, taking responsibility and so on works well enough.
-Emotional healing took giant step this month, I've cleared a lot and even though there's still plenty to go through I'm more ready than ever to do so.
-Optimus Engine is second best thing in LTU after OGSF. It throws solutions at me and makes me use them, or at least consider them. If I'm ever to use program without it (WM :/) I will miss it a lot.
-Nail biting is still an issue, little to none progress made here. In this rate I think I'll have to be using bitter nail polish to stop this.
-Interestingly my sarcasm is on the rise. I've been sarcastic ever since I've started watching House M.D. countless years ago, but now everything is joke and cynicism for me. I have no idea what causes it, but as long as it doesn't harm me in any way I won't fight it.