Have struggled to get much done today.
I've been sitting here feeling depressed, trying to get some stuff done. Just letting myself breathe a bit with the feelings in my body instead of running to a coping mechanism.
Right now what I want to do the most by far is go and look at porn. I haven't much for a while and i'm struggling against that. Why fear makes me want to look at porn, I have no idea.. but this is a very familiar old coping mechanism.
Then suddenly I had this thought "Ok either I can look at porn, or I can put OF on". I put ocean surf on my mp3 player to use on headphones so i'm not exposing others using it from my computer, I know it's better to stick to 1 format at a time, but for now at night ultrasonic and if I get these urges during the day then ocean surf, as I don't have to sit in the one place if I have my mp3 player and headphones either.
I did consider hybrid but thought maybe it's too soon.
21/7/21 - 1 loop of ocean surf through the day. Volume 5.
At this point I was planning to take tonight off, but i'll see how I feel and the urge I get before I goto bed. Another observation is that it usually takes me a while after stating a subliminal to get depressed and goto my coping mechanisms like this, and usually it starts off with alot of good stuff and comes later. So again for this to come so soon with OF V3 I feel is telling to how deep it is going.
One difference is that it's not pleasant, but I still crave the input of listening more as opposed to wanting to get away from what is bringing it up like usual.
I've been sitting here feeling depressed, trying to get some stuff done. Just letting myself breathe a bit with the feelings in my body instead of running to a coping mechanism.
Right now what I want to do the most by far is go and look at porn. I haven't much for a while and i'm struggling against that. Why fear makes me want to look at porn, I have no idea.. but this is a very familiar old coping mechanism.
Then suddenly I had this thought "Ok either I can look at porn, or I can put OF on". I put ocean surf on my mp3 player to use on headphones so i'm not exposing others using it from my computer, I know it's better to stick to 1 format at a time, but for now at night ultrasonic and if I get these urges during the day then ocean surf, as I don't have to sit in the one place if I have my mp3 player and headphones either.
I did consider hybrid but thought maybe it's too soon.
21/7/21 - 1 loop of ocean surf through the day. Volume 5.
At this point I was planning to take tonight off, but i'll see how I feel and the urge I get before I goto bed. Another observation is that it usually takes me a while after stating a subliminal to get depressed and goto my coping mechanisms like this, and usually it starts off with alot of good stuff and comes later. So again for this to come so soon with OF V3 I feel is telling to how deep it is going.
One difference is that it's not pleasant, but I still crave the input of listening more as opposed to wanting to get away from what is bringing it up like usual.
