MJ1's Find Your Perfect Job Journal

[MJ1]

day 9:i'm bored.what i love about other types of subs like ASC is you are the change.you see your behavior changing for good and when you are angry or sad even that's a good news means your are growing.

playing sub at least 10 hours a day.the reason i'm writing this is i don't want to do anything else.for finishing the book gonna need about 60 days or more of hard work.but in the land that procrastination is the king who wants to work?

i missed motivation. i missed feeling i'm gonna fix it or die trying.i know where to hit but i don't have the hammer .have to change myself or it's gonna cost me.

today i should call for tour leading program.

have to be honest i'm disappointed of my choice in choosing FYPJ. maybe it's temporary maybe it's not.but it's how i'm feeling right now.

[MJ1]

day 10:i can feel inner resistance toward my game project but what i realized is for this period of life i want to do something simple but not easy.

and another thing i like to talk about.maybe it's not directly tied to topic.it's being perfectionism

lets say i want to buy a game i want it to be best in every way.man that reminds me of Harvest moon:back to nature in PS1.or i want to make a sandwich i try to make it the best.i feel like Sheldon in TBBT

sometimes i even do not try.because i know it's not gonna be perfect.fear of failure or perfectionism or both.

EDIT:God i'm sooo angry. don't know why.

i rarely talk and feel every second gonna explode!

the day after tomorrow have meeting with tour manager.

although it may took months to be tour leader but time gonna pass anyway.

just want to be alone and translate.have reached a good speed in translating.

productivity increased but my head is not clear.don't know what's happening in my mind.

[MJ1]

after a long pause i have been on FYPJ for 6 days

last 3 nights had weirdest dreams ever! -_-

yesterday friend called he wants an eye on his business when he's

out of town.he said i have many guys but i trust you,good to hear.i said no because got another offer

to sell a new product it can bring cash flow to me.

i'm getting more popular in university.my ex lover's fiance(my friend) tries to

challenge me.but he can't keep up with me.

got a little translating job.customer was happy and suggested me to her friends.

also resumed an old offer about a software project.i give them the idea and they give me team

when product is sold i got my share.

saving money for AM6. in next days i can buy the whole 6 stages.but prefer to wait for a more secure

situation.beside sub starting to show some results.

home food is repetitious and lost some weight.not a good thing

2 month ego printed about 5000$ and putted it in my room.and in next weeks it's more likely to have

that money for real.

another interesting event was a call from a customer which wanted to reuse my services.

i could get better result if i was better than i am right now.

[MJ1]

i'm getting angry again.noticing a pattern of getting angry with this sub.

just want to be alone.even parents talking annoy me -_-

there are small things in their behaviour that makes me crazy.i know what their problems are but even

if i say so they wouldn't listen to me!i see they are going he wrong way.dam!

it's getting hard to control myself.i just wants silence.

sometimes i think about moving out in next months.have to see how selling the book goes.

i'm wasting lots of mind energy in this house.

[MJ1]

i had a panic attack. while was translating in my room tv sound really annoyed me and i said reduce

the volume and they did but still it was annoying and then i hit my head with both hands.

want to shout.want to hit something.

i hate how they are ruining their lifes .sitting on the coach watching bullshit programs with 15 minute

ads -_-

@Shannon can you explain this?

[MJ1]

anger reduced and replaced with sadness and fear of future, mostly because job paying me shitty

i called for two jobs today.first one didn't need employee anymore and second one i didn't like the

way woman was talking with to on the phone.

in next days result of the audition i talked about will be revealed i hope i pass.after that will be

2 more small audition to get the job

ahh man,i feel sad.i'm surviving instead of living.

finished 10% of translating the book.got some calls from small customers but one of my big customer

going to delay his purchase.

my parents are really worried about my future.i know they are proud of me for studying and working

at the same time.i try to look solid and strong but yesterday cried 3,4 times when i was alone.

i spent my money wisely,i mean really wisely but when your income is lower than your expenses you have to

reduce expenses(almost impossible and not good) or increase your income.

in short time better paying job could do me that and in long term finishing my game site and finishing the

book.

[MJ1]

one of coworkers who was pain in the ass is not coming to work anymore

we had same position in the university but worked at different times

he was there before me and thought i'm his apprentice haha

he used to come really close when talking to me i once said: i know you may not noticing but when

talking to me keep your distance.in a calm way

it worked.but yesterday when another coworker talked to him on the phone they argued.

the result of getting job delayed again

don't know it's me or i have the most noisy family in the world.

95% everything they do annoys me.when i can't change them have to take my self to better

environment

[MJ1]

first of all bought TLAM for my dad

it may have little effect next weeks but it's gonna be bigger and better everyday passes

have applied for some jobs most off them translating

translated 60 page of the book i want to publish

also saved money for my next collage pay

really missed being in a relationship most of the time i'm working.

the funny thing is there is a rich girl who use to call me. she's good looking but nothing about her turns me on!

i feel i have more charm now.there is something about me . . . wish knew more about the changes that sub does to user

oh almost forgot to say i sent an item for a podcast and got job offer as a doubler(some one who talks as the person in cartoons or movies)

it's the best company here.and my friend's brother is friend with the CEO. problem is it's in another city but i can go there when need to record.

i have stress.my part on podcast was short and i really did my best.but we will see what's gonna happen.

i try to do not play sub around my mother it have kind of negative effect on her and unwanted consequences

find me a job baby!

[Fonzy3]

Awesome choice of sub man. I used a manifest sub before and the results came in 120 days. Since FYPJ is in 5G it should happen faster than that. Mojatba goodluck.

Thanks

Fonzy

[MJ1]

Awesome choice of sub man. I used a manifest sub before and the results came in 120 days. Since FYPJ is in 5G it should happen faster than that. Mojatba goodluck.

Thanks

Fonzy

thanks Fonzy,

i thing you were surprised when that happened.

can't wait to find a perfect job.even a good temporary job would be nice.

[MJ1]

it's sucks that nothing happening for me (i know i know it takes time to manifest something)
but i'm losing hope of getting job.all i want in life is a job that pays me normally.i almost spend no
money.i want to do something on daily bases that makes me feel useful.

it's been about 45 days after starting the sub.next week after holidays gonna talk with my boss about pay raise.actually they are paying me way less than they should.if i didn't have second job couldn't keep up my normal lifestyle.

you know on one side i need to manifest a job on other side there is a high chance that if i be a better person i can get pay raise in current job or maybe that's not how it's work.

i'm almost a skinny guy and because i don't have money i can't go to gym or eat more to add weight.don't want to ask parents for help.that's why a good income can help.
and because i'm skinny people think i'm not qualified enough.feel like man in boy's body.

i said past 3 lines for the first time in my life

my fear,my doubts and my limits are making me a passive person and when you know about AM you can't sit and watch.have to fix inner game asap

UPDATE:btw it was my 100st post

[SargeMaximus]

Yeah man. I myself am only 160lbs right now and 6'1". Skinny as all f*ck but it's not what counts, what counts is how you see yourself. Seeing yourself better will help with the job issues too.

[MJ1]

Yeah man. I myself am only 160lbs right now and 6'1". Skinny as all f*ck but it's not what counts, what counts is how you see yourself. Seeing yourself better will help with the job issues too.

wow! we have almost same height and weight!

[MJ1]

last night had a dream that boss asked one of co-workers for resignation so he can teach here as a prof

this was good for him.during the dream i was thinking man if he's going i get a better position.

it's first time i see something in my dreams with FYPJ.

another thing is i always have something to say.

UPDATE: desire to watching porn and masturbating decreased interesting.or at least i control it.