MHS-5.5G Journal [Second Run]

[D.Ace]

Day 22

Well I am gonna write these thoughts down as I feel it will be like reaffirming to myself or something like that.

My whole life I have lived as "nice guy". I helped people even if they didn't helped me back. They use to make fun of me and I thought that I was important to them. But I was only fooling myself..Someone would ask me for help and I couldn't even say "No" and next thing you know I will be doing stuff which wouldn't even want to. I thought that I wast doing a good thing by going against my wishes and intentions to help someone..
This was since my childhood. No one in my family is like this except my mom and I know that I inherited this from her but I was a level beyond that..

They use to call me "Nice kid" or "Nice Guy".. Being called nice is like saying that u are so weak that even if they hurt u.. You don't have enough strength to fight back... Its a taboo..
My friends were only with me cause they all had their selfish reason.

My relatives and friends all of them are ***** Hypocrites.. Everyone of them. They think they are so spiritual but I can see them that they are such a big Hypocrites that even [rule 4]

I think the reason I have so much mental disorders is because I never listened to my soul/subconscious whatever you want to call it.. No wonder I was suffering from MDD, SAD, ADHD, Insomnia and all other shit..
But one thing I knew before even finding IML.. That I knew I will fix myself..
I was at a stage that I would go to sleep and would never even want to wake up again. I spend months inside my house and never going outside.. I was so scared and full of shame whenever I would step outside my house...

I was so much exhausted mentally and physically that I was about to just give up cause I stood up so many times but this time I didn't have the strength to.. But help came and I am healing now and getting better.. I never knew who I was. I was so busy in outside world.

OF and MHS are two things that have started to fix things.. MHS healing my mind and body. I am just so happy that I found my way out of this.. and from this day onwards things are only gonna get better cause bad days are over..

As I'm currently in a difficult situation which also happened because I helped too much, my inability to say no, I could relate to your story.
Surprisingly, I think I inherit it from my mom too.

I tried my best not to come out bitter and stop being kind, I learned to calculate and having a careful approach before helping anyone around.
For I don't know if the help I provide might harm anyone's state (like being dependent to me, or not trying the best before reaching out for help) or it ends up backfiring like what I'm going through now.

I wish you strength, man.
Cheers,

Ace