07-27-2021, 03:35 PM
(This post was last modified: 07-27-2021, 03:42 PM by LionMonkey.)
Yoyo Quick update- I'm about to dreamland. Looping for 3 hours tonight I feel instead of last nights 4 hours.
Last night update: didn't fall asleep for like 3 hours and then slept 6 hours more so 9 in total.
Felt like I didn't want to hit the gym but went anyway.
Felt tired after work and didn't want to go to the city to socialize at all but went anyway.
Walked around the party streets with lots of people around - talked to no one except asking a question at a point.
There were 2-3 medium fear level situations/moments I could have met some chicks but I didn't do it.
My mind was set to, just walk around the city and enjoy it. The reason I noticed those moments with those chicks were because they were distracting and pretty.
It seems like I still have this blockage in my body. Logically I find them attractive. I know I want to date multiple chicks and I know I want to have more attractive chicks around me.
But once in situations where they are there in front of me I'm feeling zero. There is a little bit or else I wouldn't even notice them and the underlying fear.
The tiredness from last nights bad sleep and the mindset was what stopped me from just doing it.
I felt I wanted some negative emotions. Like dark emotions.
So on the way back to my car I tried to punish myself by looking at the crowds of young people and think that I will die one day and I will have missed out on all of this if I don't start feeling something again.
I will die. I will miss out on life. I will never have slept with a chick like that. I will never experience this. Etc..
In my car, I played some death music, like Death of Ase recommended by a friend recently and death music from movies..
It felt good. And I noticed it was addictive.
I think I will need more time to do more of these kind of self punishment to get my mind, emotions and body straight to really go for what I want and not care about learned social norms and false limitations...
-LM
Last night update: didn't fall asleep for like 3 hours and then slept 6 hours more so 9 in total.
Felt like I didn't want to hit the gym but went anyway.
Felt tired after work and didn't want to go to the city to socialize at all but went anyway.
Walked around the party streets with lots of people around - talked to no one except asking a question at a point.
There were 2-3 medium fear level situations/moments I could have met some chicks but I didn't do it.
My mind was set to, just walk around the city and enjoy it. The reason I noticed those moments with those chicks were because they were distracting and pretty.
It seems like I still have this blockage in my body. Logically I find them attractive. I know I want to date multiple chicks and I know I want to have more attractive chicks around me.
But once in situations where they are there in front of me I'm feeling zero. There is a little bit or else I wouldn't even notice them and the underlying fear.
The tiredness from last nights bad sleep and the mindset was what stopped me from just doing it.
I felt I wanted some negative emotions. Like dark emotions.
So on the way back to my car I tried to punish myself by looking at the crowds of young people and think that I will die one day and I will have missed out on all of this if I don't start feeling something again.
I will die. I will miss out on life. I will never have slept with a chick like that. I will never experience this. Etc..
In my car, I played some death music, like Death of Ase recommended by a friend recently and death music from movies..
It felt good. And I noticed it was addictive.
I think I will need more time to do more of these kind of self punishment to get my mind, emotions and body straight to really go for what I want and not care about learned social norms and false limitations...
-LM
1. Do whatever you want.. risk whatever your gut tells you because.. you know you have good intentions.
2. Pressure forms the man.
3. Clarity gives space for better decisions.
