Transcendental Sith Lord's UMSv2 Journal/ Few weeks of E5

[DarthXedonias]

@ncbeareatingman thanks for the compliments and of course the heads up haha

@Shannon Yeah, hopefully this becomes to norm and you are able to get through the resistance. Btw, I did have 2 questions for you. The first one is I wanted to ask you about a specific state of the mind as you deal with the subconscious a lot and I assume you know certain states the mind can be at times. Its just I have never felt anything like that in my life. It felt as if there was no past or future, there was only the hear and now. In that hear and now the only thing I wanted to the exclusion of everything else was to execute the instructions, to believe them fully. Nothing else, whether space or time, mattered. Though there were 2 words that popped in my mind during all this that felt like description of it. It was this feeling of pure existence. No concern with time or space, just here and what I wanted here in this moment.

The 2nd question is "assuming" (even though this is a big assumption) that there aren't too many unforeseen delays forced upon you would you say we should probably be like within 2 weeks of a DMSI release? I ask because I certainly have felt TID and even more strongly after I cleared out all that trash from within. I would even say I can feel the TID at will now because its like I just focus on that particular timeline where I would use it and I just feel my energy change instantly.

Now as to the results of this sub there has been one major interesting thing that might happen in the near future that I feel is probably a combination of E5 and TID from DMSI. Short story about the lead up it obvious to me that my mother has noticed the drastic change and feels powerless. Its like she feels like she has lost control of me but is trying some almost delusional stuff to try to regain control. Mainly by imagining some dumb thing about the property manager trying to kick her out of the property somehow and then acting on that imaginary nonsense which then will really cause something to happen. I think there is another motive as well as I noticed out of no where all of a sudden she mentioned something about what my plans were and if I were going to use that VA home loan I still have to use. I told her straight up I'm not buying property in the US. Then all of a sudden it became some sort of my room not being clean enough will get her kicked out and then I would be "obligated" to provide her housing. I'm not worried about any of that per say because I'm not an idiot and I'm not getting into 600k+ in debt for some women who constantly keeps on fucking up her life then doesn't want to take responsibility for it.

What is more concerning for me though I'm not too concerned about reverting back to my previous self but I certainly don't want to be in an environment that would try to bring back some of those tendencies somehow. Which means getting away from her or any of these other members of my family. So I had already decided that even though I wouldn't probably get as good a paying job in Texas as here in California I would probably move in with my father for a while. So I would need to save up money for at least 2-3 more months (to make sure I can pay my tuition in case I don't finish this degree by the end of March) and then move out there. However the important thing that might happen actually showed itself yesterday. So my company in partnership with a tech giant had open offices in New York City about a month or so ago. Yesterday the email went out looking for volunteers to go out there first and get some initial work done.

Just for background for my job when you volunteer to go to another city you literally get your housing taken care of (whether hotel room or condo, etc) and you get a corporate card for your daily food needs while also still getting paid. In this case, I would be provided a hotel room for 3 months, a corporate card, and an additional 2 USD per hour in pay on top of my current pay. So essentially I would be able to save a lot of money up, somewhere in the 9k to 12k range. This is also good as it would mean I would be able to further save up for a down-payment for a loan for a home in Latin America. This would mean as well I that I leave my toxic mothers influence. Now the reason why I feel this might be some TID for DMSI is that I know for sure I will be running it but also I would be in a major city that is known for having a lot of hot women in it and being afforded my own hotel room I would have a place to bring women back to with no worry y of relatives.

Within like an hour of seeing that email I applied for it and now I just need to see if I'm one of the people who gets picked. I have confidence I will but even if I don't I will just save up money and move out to Texas then. I am thinking afterwards as well that if I do get accepted and do the three months I will see if they need any people to stay on there which I would volunteer for no problem with those type of benefits. If they don't need to keep any additional people then I would just get back to California to get my things then move out to Texas.

As for other things I have going on I do plan on doing a trip to Colombia and Venezuela in either early December or Late December. Some of it is to get some dental work done cheaper in another country but the other is I have a bunch of woman down there that I need to meet up with. Most of them are in Venezuela but one is in Colombia and I am quite interested in meeting her. Another plan I have as well is that I have thought about actually many times though still not sure is I want property in Latin America mainly and believe it or not I have considered Venezuela at times just because with everything going on there property has become very, very cheap. Mostly because most of the citizens have left the country.

The problem with the country now isn't crime or even lake of supplies. Essentially the local government gave up trying to control the use of USD in the country. Therefore unlike problems where store shelfs weren't stock anymore the issue now is everything is priced in USD while most natives are still getting paid in their local currency which when exchanged for USD doesn't add up for much. So the store shelfs are full now, its just that most locals can't afford what's on the shelves now. From what I have learned from others now that are there is that I would say food prices for a month are probably what it would cost for in the US for a person for a month. To me that isn't as much of an issue even though for sure that means that Latin country has higher food prices than what is normal for Latin America. What is of concern is mainly power grid issues.

So I admit I have thought about potentially buying a high quality, cheap property there then upgrading it with solar panels and its own water supply so its self sufficient. Essentially that's all i would need to make the house livable as the main issue would be if I had remote work but there were constant power outages, etc. However this is just one thing I am thinking of. It would probably still be better to move to any of the other Latin American countries.

Anyway, that's about it for now. results are still there with the sub as I just don't feel any fear, anxiety, guilt, or shame.

[Shannon]

@Shannon Yeah, hopefully this becomes to norm and you are able to get through the resistance. Btw, I did have 2 questions for you. The first one is I wanted to ask you about a specific state of the mind as you deal with the subconscious a lot and I assume you know certain states the mind can be at times. Its just I have never felt anything like that in my life. It felt as if there was no past or future, there was only the hear and now. In that hear and now the only thing I wanted to the exclusion of everything else was to execute the instructions, to believe them fully. Nothing else, whether space or time, mattered. Though there were 2 words that popped in my mind during all this that felt like description of it. It was this feeling of pure existence. No concern with time or space, just here and what I wanted here in this moment.

Not sure I understand your question in this.

The 2nd question is "assuming" (even though this is a big assumption) that there aren't too many unforeseen delays forced upon you would you say we should probably be like within 2 weeks of a DMSI release? I ask because I certainly have felt TID and even more strongly after I cleared out all that trash from within. I would even say I can feel the TID at will now because its like I just focus on that particular timeline where I would use it and I just feel my energy change instantly.

I am relatively close to finished making and adjusting the script of DMSI.  After that, config and build.  Should be within 2 weeks.

That presumes that whatever is happening to me right now does not somehow magically stop or slow me down.  It has robbed me of almost all motivation, and working has become a serious struggle just because of that, but I have also been dealing with being sick for the last week, and this sickness is real but seems to be magical in its ability to linger.  That means I either have COVID or my subconscious is doing whatever it can to keep me sick, or both.  Before I got sick (which GF got over completely in 3 days) I had a five day period wasted because I somehow managed to play 18 loops of UMS v2s4 in one day.  If that was subconscious sabotage, it wasn't the parts normally sabotaging me, because they were crying long before I figured out what the issue was.

What I have left to do on DMSI is relatively simple, at least on paper.  A lot of time was spent on trying to understand what the best path to take for the outward facing FRM was.

[DarthXedonias]

@Shannon that first part was more of a question of whether you have heard of any state of the mind that is similar to what I had described. Reason being that when I described that time when it felt like I basically had taken the on the memories of a version of myself that would be more conducive to executing the program you knew about that particular idea, etc. Wanted to see if you knew what this particular state was like.

Guess I will do a wrap up for this sub since new DMSI is pretty imminent and I plan on running it. I did have one other major breakthrough with fear that translated into real, concrete results. It was after a simple revelation. Basically the things I fear aren't even worth fearing because if there are multiple different realities based on different choices, that means in those realities there are some where those fears don't come to past or don't exist. If that is true fear is not needed at all. I just need to make the right choices then that results in those certain realities. After I realized this simple fact it was a major change. The most noticeable change is the lack of procrastination I have now. This is a huge change because for the longest time I have had a long history with procrastination and now its just really gone for the most part. I also notice my mindset changed to the idea that the path to victory is done in steps. You need to do the steps that lead to where you want to be every single day. You can just dream about it and drag your feet. That will get you no where.

I have also decided on one other thing, that essentially I need to move out of here again. My hatred and anger against my mother is basically gone but at the same time that doesn't blind me to the fact that if I have her influence around its more likely to stifle me again. Even more so since I'm trying to save and invest to get an house and I can't do that with her asking continually for 600 USD every month for rent and now since rent has gone up she's asking for 1000 USD in rent. If I have to start paying that much that means the job with the good pay is less of a reason to stay now, especially in California. Essentially, with that taken out of my paycheck every month I now might as well go somewhere else. I basically have 3 options now of which they all have their own pros and cons. I can go back to teach English in China where I will only work 13 hours a week, get paid 3k a month, not have to worry about needed expenses except for food on the weekend when the cafeteria is closed, and due to the low hours of work I have enough time to get my degree done finally.

The cons of that option are that China won't be revising their entry requirements until probably this summer. So once I enter I won't be leaving until that is revised or else I would have to do quarantine all over again. The other issue is that of the great firewall which means I might need to find a way to use the VPN (which I will have regardless) during my proctored exams for my degree. The 2nd option is that I go to stay with my father in the house I will inherit eventually anyway. He currently lives in an suburb like town right outside of Houston. He said I can stay there no issue and the only thing I would have to pay for is the internet and that's it. I looked into jobs in the area and quite honestly I feel like the economy there as far as variety of jobs is a lot better than San Francisco. Pay is generally lower but costs are a lot lower as well. The only con I can think of is something I will keep private for now but that's the only one I think.

There is one benefit in that if this new DMSI really works well I noticed there are quite a few very high paying sales jobs in the solar industry. When I mean high paying I mean 90k to 200k potentially. So if DMSI worked very, very well I do think I could get one of those jobs and save up all that extra money then have the amount I need for the deposit for the property in Latin America along with paying off some other debts. The third option which I am also looking into is that I do an internal transfer in my company to Dallas, Texas. I would keep the same pay but also since its a newer place I would also get an housing allowance and a daily food allowance. So I basically wouldn't have to touch my base pay for much of anything. This option also have very few cons to it. This is really big for me as this is me really just getting rid of any fear and if I'm not happy with something I just change it. In this case my mother is way too negative and complains about every single thing.

I do admit this is probably one thing why in some regards I'm ok with not being in a relationship with anyone because I do notice this habit in some women of just finding anything to complain or nag about and it gets very irritating. Since clearing up my issues I have even less tolerance for negative and complaining people. Probably because I noticed these type of people don't want to actually solve their issues. No that would be too scary for them.. so they rather just complain about them while doing absolutely nothing. So essentially I'm done being around her. I think I will save up and do some fixes on my car at my current job for another 2 months then I will leave. I will actually start packing up what things I will be taking with me permanently soon. Even if I choose the China options I will probably be driving to my father's place and dropping all my other stuff over there. I have no intention of coming back here again.

I do have other reasons as well why I don't want to return. I just don't want to be here in California. I have noticed this attitude in my mother but also others here. The attitude of this idea that simply being they live in California that makes them "better" than everyone else. Its hard to describe but its like this attitude as if everyone else in the country (besides New York and Maybe Washington state) are just backwards people or something. Like this kind of coastal elitist attitude. I do find that somewhat comical as so many people I know here are literally working 2 jobs just to survive the extremely high cost of living here. So if I had to sum up the results due to the fear removal I would say I am way less hesitant to take action now. If I decide I don't like the situation I am in then i will change it. Simple as that.

In other news I would like to say I'm pretty darn sure I am getting DMSI TID now and its starting to show externally. Before it was mainly internal things like sexual confidence and the belief that I could get any woman that I wanted. Even women making like lots of money or actresses. Now I'm starting to notice things here and there that make me think its showing external effects. Mainly women becoming more clingy to the point of annoyance. Also one woman who before said she only saw me as a friend when we finally met up (to be honest I felt similarly though I changed my mind after I started to heal myself a bit) and now I'm starting to notice the changes when we chat. Her actually initiating contacting me more, etc.

If DMSI comes out this week I do think I will have one of the best environments to test it out in. I will actually be going to Cartagena, Colombia next week and be there for close to a week. I will be meeting at least one woman I have been talking to over the last 2 to 3 months. I might be meeting another but not totally sure yet. However I think overall this might be a good place to test this out. I was going to go to Venezuela to visit some women there but the prices for flights there are too darn high.

Lastly before I forget I have noticed that E5 have made 2 other changes. Mainly that I might start getting annoyed or even angry about something but then I stop myself very quickly and I think "why am I allowing this to get myself worked up over and letting it ruin my day?". I find that most of the stuff I was getting upset over didn't really mean anything in the long term so there is no point getting upset about those things. Even in those times I do allow myself to get upset about something I just allow it for maybe a few minutes to maybe an hour then I move on. I expressed my emotions and now I'm done with that so its best to move on. Another thing is I don't like listening to the same type of music as much. I like listening to lofi or relaxing, Jazz type music more now. Either way that's about all i have to say for now. I will probably be starting another journal a week to maybe 2 weeks after the new DMSI comes out. I find now that I usually like to gather a bit more info after using the sub a while then start a new thread than start one right when i start using the sub. Wish everyone luck with the new DMSI.