Laura's Journal 2013

[Laura]

Hello

I've decided to start a journal for the year 2013.

I'm not entirely new to subliminals, but I can't tell yet whether I'm responsive to them or not. Here part of my post where I introduced myself:

"Have I tried subliminals before? Yes. In fact, I ordered a full custom subliminal from Shannon a few years ago via his older site, including consultation service. The consultation service was very professional. Whether the full custom subliminal had any effect on me, I can't tell. The custom subliminal involved not just my name but also somebody else's name and things between that person and me didn't quite work out for whatever reason. So it didn't make sense to listen to that subliminal anymore. I can't remember how long I listened to it either.

So, now I'm back and I can see A LOT of titles that I would like to try out. I think this forum will help me to stick with Shannon's subliminals for a while and see whether they have any effect on me."

I've been working on a master's thesis (on and off - and most of the time by being busy rather than productive) for about 6 years. There's something that seems to stop me from getting it done . So the subliminals I've chosen for now are Write a Chapter a Day and Write Now, Edit Later.

I've been listening to Write a Chapter a Day for a week now and to Write Now, Edit Later for about 3-4 days. I listen to one of the titles every night via sleepphones (I started with the sleepphones 2 days ago) and I've created a playlist on iTunes with 4 hours of each sub in repeat mode that I listen to throughout the day when in front of my laptop. The time I spend in front of my laptop varies, but it's definitely several hours per day. In fact, I'm in front of my laptop so much that I've come down with RSI .

Right now I'm working on the analysis for my thesis so I'm not writing right now.

[Laura]

I was in bed for 2 hours and now I'm up again. I was tired when I went to bed - very tired. I decided not to fall asleep with a sub today because I realized I might be listening for too many hours otherwise. According to the instructions, the recommended amount when using 2 3g programs is 12 hours and 16 is the maximum amount of hours.

Once I realized I couldn't fall asleep, I listened to a brainwave app for 30 minutes that has helped me to fall asleep in the past. It didn't help today. I was suddenly so awake and I had all these negatives thoughts racing through my head. The last three days haven't been that good, possibly because I'm PMSing.

I took a sleeping drug and hope to fall asleep soon. I need a good day tomorrow. I want to feel strong and productive.

Tomorrow (well today - already 1 am here) is Monday. The good thing is that I know I have a good morning routine in place that helps me being productive. Tomorrow I'll have all day to work on my thesis. I will have to make sure that I don't deviate from the morning routine so that I can set the pace for the rest of the day. I'll also need to work on a good afternoon and evening routine.

For the time being, I'll stick to the two subs I'm currently listening to: Write a Chapter a Day and Write Now, Edit Later. However, I might want to exchange one or both of them to something else. Honestly, the last three days have clearly shown me some of my weaknesses. They've shown me some of the traits I've always had in me to a certain extant, such as feeling aggressive and being impetuous. They've also shown me that I've lost much of that self-confidence that I've once had.

I'm glad I got up and jotted some things down. I've calmed down and I have goals for tomorrow: make sure my morning routine works smoothly and work on getting an afternoon and evening routine in place that helps me being productive. I'll be thinking about a productive afternoon and evening routine while falling asleep.

[Laura]

This sleeping drug is useless. It used to work in the past and even though I haven't used it for a month or so, I can't fall asleep today. I really don't understand why I can't fall asleep at all today. It's not like something has happened that keeps me awake. I can't think of one reason for not being able to sleep. I'm tired, but can't sleep. My alarm is going to wake me up in 3.5 hours. I've taken a second sleeping drug.

If I were at home I could sleep in tomorrow if needed. However, I'm at my partner's place and I usually leave the apartment with him. I fear my insomnia is going to completely screw up my day tomorrow.

[massagemaggie]

You know what always gets me to sleep....

[AbiDrew85]

You know what always gets me to sleep....

Why yes... I think I probably do... And if so... works here too......

[Sean]

You know what always gets me to sleep....

What a coincidence! Deriving calculus problems in my head puts me to sleep, too!

[Laura]

You know what always gets me to sleep....

You sound just like my partner when he says, "Let's go to bed" and I say "I'm not tired yet" and he would then answer "I can make you tired". I keep telling him just because he sleeps within five minutes after intercourse doesn't mean I do to. It's the cocktail of brain chemicals that get released in guys after intercourse orgasm that makes them sleepy.

Of course some women might fall asleep soon after intercourse, too. After all, it might be their bed time anyway and many women find it easy to fall asleep whether it's after intercourse or just in general when they go to bed. I don't happen to be one of them. I have to go to bed when I'm tired and even then I might suddenly feel wide awake again.

[Laura]

Here some update: Yesterday I purchased Overcoming Guilt, Shame and Fear and from now on I'll be listening to a playlist of 4 hours of Overcoming Guilt, Shame and Fear followed by Write a Chapter a Day (on loop). I'm not listening to Write Now, Edit Later anymore.

Why? Both Write a Chapter a Day and Write Now, Edit Later are 3G. On the other hand, Overcoming Guilt, Shame and Fear is 4G. 4G is supposed to work faster and people who are resistant to subliminals react to 4G better than to 3G - at least that's how I understand it. Another reason is that Shannon told me it could be a good idea to start with one of the subliminals that tackle fear. Again the reason here is to make me more responsive to subliminals in general.

If you read this message and are a person that did not respond to subliminals at first, but does respond to them now, what was your journey?

[Shannon]

Interestingly, it is very rare for me to be tired after intercourse because of the orgasm. No matter how good the orgasm, it just never made me tired except maybe a few times, when I was either exhausted to begin with, or coming down with something. So it's not universally true for all men, or all women.

[AbiDrew85]

Interestingly, it is very rare for me to be tired after intercourse because of the orgasm. No matter how good the orgasm, it just never made me tired except maybe a few times, when I was either exhausted to begin with, or coming down with something. So it's not universally true for all men, or all women.

I just wish to clarify that it doesn't make me tired so much as it relaxes me in a way nothing else can... and as any hypnotist or masseuse could tell you, relaxation is what's required to put a person to sleep, not exhaustion. In fact, exhaustion alone CAN lead to severe issues.

OFC... I've never actually had intercourse, only enjoyed a few fantasies that I can only hope might come true someday. So I'm talking more about post-orgasm, regardless of source, I'm more relaxed than at any other time. I'm also more cuddly, but for now, don't really have any way to fulfill that

[Laura]

Update: I think I've gotten used to listening to subliminals with my sleep phones all night long so from now on I'll be listening to Overcoming Guilt, Shame and Fear during the night (ca 7 hours) and to Write a Chapter a Day during the day.

Before today, I had my subliminals in a 4 hour loop because before having sleep phones, I could not listen to subliminals during the night when at BF's place. Once I got my sleep phones I had some trouble with the playlist but last night, everything worked as it should and from now on I want to do what is suggested when listening to 2 subliminals: Listen to one while asleep and to the other one during the day.

Yesterday, most of my day was perfect and the rest of my day was OK/good. I felt in harmony with myself, my partner and the world. I could focus deeply when doing research for my thesis, a tiny conflict with BF before breakfast was solved smoothly and constructively and I felt deeply connected with him when seeing him off at the airport. This may sound normal for others, but as far as having the feeling of being connected with my partner is concerned, I don't often feel that and sometimes I actually feel quite detached from him. Some years ago, I found out that also women and not just men can be emotionally unavailable and from then on I've been working successfully towards becoming more and more emotionally available. I'm still working on this and it may well be that listening to Overcoming Fear, Guilt and Shame will be helpful in this process.

The reason why yesterday evening was just OK/good is because I wasn't entirely present while teaching an evening class. I was distracted by this forum and I let myself be distracted. I'll need to work on that. Multitasking isn't effective.

[Laura]

I felt really good this morning. I got up and got into action. However, I also spent some time writing my last post and I realized I did that during my most productive time which I should use for my thesis. After that I soon had to leave to go downtown to two libraries (to return and get some books for my thesis) and to have lunch with two friends.

Once back home I recorded some flashcards for my final exams for an hour (that went well) and then switched to some grammar research that I had started with in the morning and that is related to my thesis. I suddenly became very unmotivated. It's not that I got distracted by something in particular - it's just that I didn't feel like doing anything anymore and I just couldn't switch my mood around.

Had some ice cream (wanted something that gives me comfort) and then checked out this forum, read a few posts and then started journaling. Not sure whether my mood switch has anything to do with listening to the subs, but I thought it would be a good idea to record it.

I don't feel like doing anything and I hate myself for it. It's not even 7 pm and I wish I could go to bed and just sleep and start a new day tomorrow. However, there's no way I can sleep now. All I know is that tomorrow will be a better day. If it is to be, it's up to me.

[Laura]

I had a really good day two days ago (Saturday). I got up early, focused on what I wanted to focus on and the day passed quickly.

In the evening, I was invited for dinner at a couple's place. I'm friends with both of them and I actually talked more with him than with her.

The topic of sleep came up and I talked about my sleeping patterns. I told him that I hardly ever sleep 6-7 hours in a row without waking up at least once and that whenever I do actually sleep through the whole night (which happens very rarely - maybe 2 or 3 nights per year) I feel betrayed because it's already time to get up. He then told me that I obviously would have difficulty of letting go and that it seems to him that I need to be in control.

His comment made me think of subliminals. If it's true that I need to be in control does that mean I'm less responisve to subliminal messages? I certainly have a fear that I might not be as responsive as other people to Shannon's subliminal programs, but I definitely hope that my fear will turn out to be wrong .

At this point, it's hard to say yet whether I'm responsive or resistant. What's more, I'm not going to give up after 'I'm done' with the two programs I'm listening to right now - regardless of the perceived results. I guess some people will also just need to be exposed to a subliminal program longer than others to register the effects. Again, I may or may not be one of those who need to be exposed longer. There's no doubt about it that Shannon's products work and they may work as well for me as for the people who've had success with them!

[Laura]

Two days ago (from Saturday to Sunday) I fell asleep with my sleep phones and with Overcoming Guilt, Shame and Fear. I slept well for the first 3.5 hours, but then was awake for a long time. The sleep phones are very comfortable, but when I woke up, I wanted to get rid of them. I actually had the feeling it wasn't so much the sleep phones but the subliminal. I didn't want to listen to it anymore. However, I knew that I need to be persistent and I got up and plugged in my laptop and tried to loop Overcoming Guilt, Shame and Fear on iTunes. For some reason I didn't succeed so I listened to Write a Chapter a Day instead.

Once I got up I continued to listen to Write a Chapter a Day for a few hours while I did some work including some work on my thesis (research). I had a few good hours.

Later on I changed to Overcoming Guilt, Shame and Fear because I had only listened to that one for about 3.5 hours during the night. I wanted to reflect on my January thesis goals and I realized it was very uncomfortable. I had achieved very little when compared to what I wanted to achieve. It wasn't that I didn't put in the time - I know I did. It wasn't that I wasn't focused - I've been pleased with my focus and routine that helps me to be productive lately. Maybe my January goals were too high, but it's not only that. There's so much resistance.

The most brutal part for me was to realize that at the beginning of January there was hope that I could hand in my thesis in March so that I could take my exams in the summer. I know now that's not possible anymore. I've drastically reduced the hours I work till October so that I can focus on my studies and I will need to work more from October on again. It will be tough to work more before having done my exams. I don't like the thought.

A lot of stuff came up yesterday. And I realized that there's also some shame involved regarding my thesis. Shame that it is still not done. I can't even remember when I first started working on my thesis. Is it 6 years or more? And it is only a master's thesis. It is all pretty ridiculous and I'm embarrassed. All that stuff came up while my computer was looping Overcoming Guilt, Shame and Fear and I was aware of that. I was wondering whether it was the subliminal that caused me all those uncomfortable feelings I had to go through yesterday. And I realized it was good that I purchased Overcoming Guilt, Shame and Fear and not just OF.

Last night I didn't want to use my sleep phones. I didn't want to listen to Overcoming Guilt, Shame and Fear. The idea of looping it on my laptop seemed less painful and so I did that. After a few hours of sleep I woke up and I was aware of my laptop next to my bed playing Overcoming Guilt, Shame and Fear. I didn't like that. I wanted to stop it. It seemed like I felt the power of the subliminal (or my resistance?) and I wanted to be free.

I didn't stop it. I didn't sleep much and I didn't sleep well. It's difficult to say whether my sleep (or the lack of it) had anything to do with the subliminal because I have these nights without listening to subliminals, too. However, I was aware of the presence of the subliminal and it made me feel uncomfortable.

I guess change is uncomfortable and I hope it's all worth it. Right now I have negative feelings when thinking of listening to Overcoming Guilt, Shame and Fear. Maybe those negative feelings are resistance. I hope I'll continue to listen to Overcoming Guilt, Shame and Fear. Right now I don't know. I'll for sure listen to it again tonight and then I'll see. I do want to listen to it for at least 32 days and possibly longer. Whether I will do that - I don't know at this point.

I'm also wondering whether all this means that I do respond to subliminals. That would be a good sign. There are so many programs I want to try out down the road. At this point it all could be placebo. And at this point, what I'm going through is rather uncomfortable.