10-17-2020, 05:44 PM
(10-17-2020, 03:25 PM)RTBoss Wrote:(10-17-2020, 11:31 AM)NOMAD Wrote: Stage 3, Day 7
I carry an internal sadness. I've carried it for a very long time, but in the past, it's only been obvious when I'm either alone or around the holiday season. Lately it makes itself known during the weekends when I'm not intently focused on work.
I took a walk to day and pondered its source. I don't have any real goals other than getting out of debt, which I'm well on my way to accomplishing. But there's no joy in it. There isn't much that really excites me. My default emotional state is more or less apathetic. When I have down time, I don't know what to do with myself other than rest. A lot of this stems from repeated childhood verbal abuse that essentially crushed my dreams. I lost sight of the things I enjoyed as a kid (mostly nerdy, imagination-based stuff). That part of me has retreated into a hole and I don't know how to bring him back out. I haven't had contact with him in almost 30 years. I think he's crying out to me. I think he needs me. I certainly need him.
I've done inner child meditations with varying degrees of success. If anybody has any tips or suggestions for me, I'm very much open to them.
Pick some imaginative/nerdy thing or activity you could easily access to do in your spare time - even if it's 15 minutes/week - and do it. See what happens.
My son took some styrofoam from an Amazon package today and started coloring it with marker. Next thing I know, he's got it taped to his chest, and told me he's Optimus Prime. I have an imagination, but mine is more for music. I told him that I never had that type of imagination as a kid, and that I thought it was awesome. He was pretty happy. So make or do something that could make you happy, even if your adult self thinks it's stupid. You may be surprised.
I love this on more levels than you can imagine. Thank you for this. (Optimus Prime was one of my childhood heroes BTW and I'm about your age). I also have some musical inclinations. To this day , I can still actually hum the tunes to Dallas, Magnum PI, Dukes of Hazzard, the A-Team, Knight Rider ( who can't?) , and even the somewhat obscure Simon and Simon. My wife even played a tune oneday and I asked her..."Is that Airwotlf?"...yep. I can even hum the tune from that Wesley Snipes movie Dropzone when they're gaming grin the sky.
My dad has always been very musically inclined as well.
After I reread some of this I realize that it might come across as arrogant. That wasn't my intent at all. My intent was to show that I deeply relate to what you're saying.
