Journey Through Fear and Sabotage: DMSI V3.3 Journal

[Shannon]

Last few days were a bit tough because of work but I got through it.

DMSI V3.3 has helped ease the work situation a bit. I didn't get chewed out/yelled at by my supervisor the way I could/should have due to the foolishness that went on which I allowed because I let my own work standards slip because of others I work with. Unacceptable. I did bounce back in a big way so hoorah.

The chick I'm pursuing a relationship with was extra giddy yesterday and insisted on us taking selfies yesterday while at the company Winter Holiday event. She noted that another female coworker was really into me although to be fair I've know this other chick has had a thing for me for a while.

I've traced the source of my rage. It's coming from someone who is so used to bottling things up, accepting disrespect sometimes just to keep "peace", etc. that his true self was never really allowed to blossom at least not regularly or consistently. It took me YEARS to try and undo BS that happened early in my life. Now I feel it's all coming out. Sometimes on V3.3 I feel so blissful, so peaceful, and chill...but then there's times like now where I'm F*CKING PISSED. I mean PISSED. Part of me hates it because I've started snapping at people (which I'm not a fan of) but I've also started putting people in check which kinda makes me feel good.

For example, a friend/coworker (who frankly I'm starting to consider more as just a coworker because of her behavior towards me) kept interrupting me and refused to cooperate when we were trying to do a skit for my job. She then insisted on herself playing the role instead of me and because I was getting aggravated and wanted the damn thing over with I obliged. Later, she said "See K-Train, I told you I could do it better than you" to which I responded "No, I was better at COOPERATING than you which is why your role went so smooth". She then later said "well, do you want to do the role"? I told her no but since then she's acted better towards me.

@Shannon : I know from talking to you in the past you were once walked over by people a lot and didn't voice your opinion much. How did you deal with coming to terms with all the people who wronged/disrespected you? I ask because I feel like I've kept things bottled up so much that the barrier holding back all this pent up aggression is deteriorating via FRM4.1 and I just want a helpful solution to keep my emotions in check because I really am a peaceful person and strive to treat others the way I want to be treated.

At first I lashed out with 0 calibration. Lost my girlfriend and pissed off my mother big time. Then spent a lot of time contemplating my actions and found a balance of reasonable response. I would accept no shit, but I also wasn't being an ass about it. The key is blunt, no nonsense communication. "My boundaries are X, and if you cross those boundaries you will have to deal with the consequences and that is that."