Jennie's Journal with Emotional Pain Relief and Healing Aid

[jennielee]

Day 46: i am definately starting to see manifestations that are going to lead to success. How or why they seem tied in with this sub i have no clue. My boyfriend is a web designer, and i just got contacted by a graphics artist yesterday too. I am making the connections im going to need to get everything done for my business. I have no idea if this is a result of the sub or coincidence. It could be that becoming successful is one of the things i need for my emotional healing and its manifesting accordingly. This should be very interesting to see how all this plays out. Im also very close to starting a table downtown at the farmers market. At that point everything is looking up from there. I have to say everything is going alot better for me now. I am definately happier overall too. I am not any better off financially yet, but i definately see the hope on the horizon. I feel like im in a better place, and i guess thats where the manifestation starts. First you see yourself successful, then you take actions that lead that way, then you become successful. :-)

[jennielee]

Day 47: i am so close to making major breakthroughs with my business i can feel it. I got some excellent tips for photography and im excited to try them out once i get a couple dollars together for the supplies. Im pondering reworking the product descriptions one last time, but im going to wait a little for that. All the other pieces are slowly coming together!

In other news my ex husband decided he was going to be a jerk to me yesterday and i stood up to him and told him off in such a confident manner that it surprised me. Needless to say he ended up hanging up the phone lol!

[jennielee]

I am extremely annoyed, as i was redoing tbe product photography for my perfumes i noticed that some of them had little cardboard like contaminants in it. After investigating it appears that the bottle of perfumers alcohol has been compromised. I am not happy at all because now i have to inspect and pull any that have something in it. Im sure its harmless, but i cant sell them that way. Ugh what an aggravation this is. I also have no way of knowing if the bottle was contaminated at the producer or by my ex. So now im down half a bottle of alcohol plus an unknown number of perfumes... :-( not what i needed considering how over invested i was to begin with.

[jennielee]

Day 48: well today is pretty normal i guess you can say. Im definitely feeling very peaceful and relaxed. Even after yesterday's setback i found a solution for it. I have concluded the contamination was my exes fault because the manufacturer has not heard of anything like that. My best guess was there was some dust etc in the bottom of a beaker he used and when he poured the excess back into the main bottle he contaminated it. So now its just a matter of filtering everything. I just found it funny, because any good scientist knows not to pour stuff into your stock bottles. Somebody forgot their science classes lol.

In other news my attempts for additional exposure for my business have been pretty successful. Just a few more tweaks and ill hopefully have everything where i want it. My photography attempts have been lacking so i guess its about time to hire someone to do it. Guess that will have to wait until i get some cash together

[stratos]

neat to see your progress.

[jennielee]

Thanks stratos!

Day 49: i found myself having a significant amount of fear yesterday later in the day regarding my pending doctor's appointment. Alot of it has been what if's. Like what if i get some sort of bad news. Thankfully my boyfriend has been extremely supportive in all this. I also find myself in a position where i have lost the trust i had with my ex. I feel that he was careless and irresponsible. I had gone on the same trust we had the first time, and didnt question things. Now i very much regret doing so. I can only hope that the immunization i had was finished and effective. My feelings on the matter are a bit difficult to verbalize at the moment, but i guess the best description is all this adds insult to injury.

I managed to escape for a bit this morning and go down to the beach. That really helped me feel much better. Also recognizing my fear has helped me control its impact on my life. I find that once i recognise it i can conquer it fairly easy. By conquer i mean i am to the point where it doesn't affect my choices or responses. Anyway guess thats it for today.

[jennielee]

Day 50: well today ive managed to get to the point where everything is back into perspective and ive managed to get a grip on the fear and anxiety i had. This is a significant improvement because normally it would take so much time to recognize, and then fix the fears so i could take control again. I feel this is becoming a more natural process for me. I also accept my own responsibility for my choices, but i also hold people accountable for theirs. It took me a bit, but finally i am in a calm state of mind again. I have some really awesome things in the works and i am looking forward to them coming to pass.

[jennielee]

Day 51 & 52: yesterday i spent way too much time in a doctors office with so much inefficiency it wasn't funny. Over 2 hours fir the little they actually did was crazy. Well on another note i had to face some of my anxiety and fear yesterday. Today is going to be another big day. I am anxiously awaiting some news that i will get later today.

[jennielee]

Day 53: well today has been a day of reflection and inner soul searching. I have dug deep to figure out what i was doing just to "follow the leader" or "do as i was told". I am reviewing those choices to ensure that they are in fact my choices and not just blind following.

[jennielee]

Day 54: well there isnt much to say for today. I still find myself reflecting and revisiting previous choices. Overall i guess you could say this is a calm period. I also decided that for my business i am replacing 2 size bottles with different ones in the near future, and for the 3rd im switching suppliers because i am not happy with the quality of the current bottle. Still more and more issues popping up here and there, but ive gotten used to it now. Sales are still super slow, and its a slow road to get to the point that i want to be.

[jennielee]

Day 55: i am really feeling like i have plateaued and reached a good spot with this sub so far. Im not sure what all to report on because there really isnt much new.

[ffaux]

Your journal isn't an obligation. The fact that there isn't much to report is itself, I think, noteworthy. Contrast it with where you were a short 55 days ago

[jennielee]

Yeah definately.

Day 56 & 57 lately ive been pretty busy trying to find ways to boost my business. The way i want to boost it will require some investment so im just making due with circumstances the way they are. I am still waiting for all the travel to come together so my boyfriend can get here. Its kinda rough waiting, but the economy in the area he is in is totally crappy. Its taking longer than expected to get the funds for his trip together. Im sure that things will all come together though. We are such an amazing match in every way that i can say this is probably the closest to perfect that is possible.

[jennielee]

Day 58: i noticed today that i had an adverse reaction to a term someone used in a conversation that i conciously associate with my ex. I have been exposed to this term many times over with no reaction, but today for some reason was different. The suggestion was made that perhaps its a trigger word that had been placed during hypnosis. Either way it has me in a bad mood. Today was odd in a number of ways. My lab tests came back "failed" and no one seemed to have a clue what that meant, and they only decided to call the lab after i waited for well over an hour. After everything they plan to call me when they figure out whats up with the lab. I have never seen such gross incompetence. Failed usually means a bad sample.. so why none of them know that i have no idea. But honestly im sick of having my time wasted.

In other news im still working to make my own choices and own them. Alot of choices i made during the time i was with my ex were made for the wrong reasons. So now im reexamining them to make sure its still the right choice and to make sure it has the right reason behind it.