Day 38/180 OFF #1- Fri 25 June - (part 2)
1) Ive changed the title structure to make it easier to follow etc
2) Ive spent the last 1 hour reading through my journal from start to now to see where the numbering went wrong and how ive been and if there has been any chance since starting the sub. I rather than saying day 33 on Sunday 20th June, I mistakingly wrong 31 and yet managed to realise the numbering was wrong the very next day lol so all dates have been fixed since then (ie last 6days).
There have been times where in my journal things could be seen as the sub working and at other times unsure if it was the usual me or a placebo however as I was reading the journal 1 thing became clear to me, its time I increased the intensity again, which I planned to this anyway this weekend as previously stated.
3) So now on my next ON day (Sunday 27th June - Day 40, I will listen to 3 loops a day, still at 2 days ON and 2 days OFF). I went to 2 loops on 19th June, so this means I would have done 8 days of this including all on and off days.
I even have the feeling to increase the sub further than this but ill be doing things slowly to enable me and you all to gauge how I am progressing.
4) So back to today, I had managed to get off my ass eventually to deal with ordering and delivery of groceries and ordering online a food processer and a fast charger plug. BOTH websites didnt accept my card so spent most of the day dealing with the bank and them and back and forth. I didnt feel anxious etc however I wouldnt in this situation anyway as its happened before and I know I can always resort to another means of payment should all else fail.
5) After this ordeal I rewarded myself with a meal and then the grocery was delivered so spent next hour cleaning/disinfecting that as has become the norm due to this pandemic. That took me an hour.
6) After that I came to this site and became reading my journal and making notes of the days and numbers of days etc and finally here I am. Time to take a break again and eat and chill now.
Addendum
7) been reading journals and recall how today I was thinking about going out to walk (goal is to do daily walking soon) and the idea of walking when its quiet (looked quiet with less people around) somehow caused fear inside me as if I wouldnt be safe. I recall now whilst typing this of a tv program for kids I once saw as a kid about a small british town that was at the brink of a nuclear disaster or something and so the town was evacuated and it looked empty thus scary.
8) I also recall how I saw people walking when I did see people and felt insecure of how I will look walking outside with all my weight etc. Fleeting thoughts but shit thoughts nevertheless and worth adding as data.
1) Ive changed the title structure to make it easier to follow etc
2) Ive spent the last 1 hour reading through my journal from start to now to see where the numbering went wrong and how ive been and if there has been any chance since starting the sub. I rather than saying day 33 on Sunday 20th June, I mistakingly wrong 31 and yet managed to realise the numbering was wrong the very next day lol so all dates have been fixed since then (ie last 6days).
There have been times where in my journal things could be seen as the sub working and at other times unsure if it was the usual me or a placebo however as I was reading the journal 1 thing became clear to me, its time I increased the intensity again, which I planned to this anyway this weekend as previously stated.
3) So now on my next ON day (Sunday 27th June - Day 40, I will listen to 3 loops a day, still at 2 days ON and 2 days OFF). I went to 2 loops on 19th June, so this means I would have done 8 days of this including all on and off days.
I even have the feeling to increase the sub further than this but ill be doing things slowly to enable me and you all to gauge how I am progressing.
4) So back to today, I had managed to get off my ass eventually to deal with ordering and delivery of groceries and ordering online a food processer and a fast charger plug. BOTH websites didnt accept my card so spent most of the day dealing with the bank and them and back and forth. I didnt feel anxious etc however I wouldnt in this situation anyway as its happened before and I know I can always resort to another means of payment should all else fail.
5) After this ordeal I rewarded myself with a meal and then the grocery was delivered so spent next hour cleaning/disinfecting that as has become the norm due to this pandemic. That took me an hour.
6) After that I came to this site and became reading my journal and making notes of the days and numbers of days etc and finally here I am. Time to take a break again and eat and chill now.
Addendum
7) been reading journals and recall how today I was thinking about going out to walk (goal is to do daily walking soon) and the idea of walking when its quiet (looked quiet with less people around) somehow caused fear inside me as if I wouldnt be safe. I recall now whilst typing this of a tv program for kids I once saw as a kid about a small british town that was at the brink of a nuclear disaster or something and so the town was evacuated and it looked empty thus scary.
8) I also recall how I saw people walking when I did see people and felt insecure of how I will look walking outside with all my weight etc. Fleeting thoughts but shit thoughts nevertheless and worth adding as data.
OF3 5.75.7G 13/15Vol
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
