06-18-2021, 09:20 PM
Day 32 ON - Saturday 19 June - ON#1
1) as you can see from the previous post I havent had any chance to update it as not had any chance to read my own journal. Just been very busy preparing for next exam and focusing on my sleep.
2) Today was the first day where I increased the intensity so incase you havent read above, today is the first day of 2 loops, 2 days on and 2 days off.
3) I couldnt sleep. I went to bed at 8pm, aimed to sleep by 9pm as per previous day. I was in and out of sleep. I doubt I went to deep sleep much but I was always coming back out of sleep however at the END OF THE 2 LOOPS, around 2hours and 15mins I woke up and checked my phone for the time and to see if the sub was still playing.
I needed a bathroom break twice during the night cant recall if this was the reason I woke up but it did make me wonder how it was significant that the loops end and then im awake..... hmmm?
I also due to constantly waking recall I had a dream, that was violent and worrying. I didnt like the dream. It wasnt a horror kind of dream more violent and upsetting. I dont recall the dream fully now want to repeat it here suffice to say if these are the kinds of dreams I have every night (I dont recall my dreams at all when I wake usually) then no wonder im living a fearfully fucked up life.
Anyway I couldnt sleep and eventually got up at 5am rather than the planned 6am.
4) I was making breakfast and suddenly on my white microwave as I was stood there with a plate that a small spider came from NOWHERE and skuttled across the surface of the roof of the microwave startling me with...you got it FEAR!!! I after a second or 2 then tried to compose myself that nothing to be afraid of and also to think where the heck is OF lol I then worked on a superb plan of action to remove said spider, a plan even Colonel John Hannibul Smith from the A-Team Tv Show would be proud off that involved a paper towel and a quick grab squeeze panic and throw manouver ive perfected over the years......but when I returned with my chosen weapon of destruction the spider was nowhere to be seen.
This incident alone made me wonder if OF is working or not but also that after 30 days with only 5 more months left, I have a long long way to go.
5) Yesterday was a productive day. After the journal update I got on with my most pressing task for the day - working on the next exam which is only days away.
6) Today I so far made breakfast a big breakfast followed by quick microwavable pancakes and tea. I spoke to my friend on the phone and then got him off quick so that I could focus on todays goals. Due to waking early and trying to focus my self around sleep ive become more focused on getting things done in the day and not wasting time which is great.
7) Tasks for today well first was to get this journal done while the above data was fresh in my head, rather than coming and doing this update later and forgetting salient points. Then I need to address a reply to a friends email. Again can be done later but rather do it now so that will take me a hour atleast. After that I have to unpack my luggage which was in quarantine to be safe. Well that safe time is complete so next 2 days is unpacking.
8) I spent 3hours since waking on having a wash, making and eating breakfast and enjoying a martial arts movie as I ate as well as speaking to my friend and now its 8.17am so not bad even though I really do need to work at making my breakfast reduce to 2hours and then eventually to 1hour.
9) I may be back later to update my data for today and I may also be back to read over the last 30days data to see if I have changed due to the sub but if I dont no worries I need to learn to prioritise more and besides im not fussed as long as I play the sub and I change I dont care about reading over the past to see that change as long as some time in the next remaining 5months I realise the fear has gone completely as the sub promises to do.
10) Finally, to speed up my time ive realised im not writing in the same way today but more focused and concisely thus these numbered bullet points which is nice.
1) as you can see from the previous post I havent had any chance to update it as not had any chance to read my own journal. Just been very busy preparing for next exam and focusing on my sleep.
2) Today was the first day where I increased the intensity so incase you havent read above, today is the first day of 2 loops, 2 days on and 2 days off.
3) I couldnt sleep. I went to bed at 8pm, aimed to sleep by 9pm as per previous day. I was in and out of sleep. I doubt I went to deep sleep much but I was always coming back out of sleep however at the END OF THE 2 LOOPS, around 2hours and 15mins I woke up and checked my phone for the time and to see if the sub was still playing.
I needed a bathroom break twice during the night cant recall if this was the reason I woke up but it did make me wonder how it was significant that the loops end and then im awake..... hmmm?
I also due to constantly waking recall I had a dream, that was violent and worrying. I didnt like the dream. It wasnt a horror kind of dream more violent and upsetting. I dont recall the dream fully now want to repeat it here suffice to say if these are the kinds of dreams I have every night (I dont recall my dreams at all when I wake usually) then no wonder im living a fearfully fucked up life.
Anyway I couldnt sleep and eventually got up at 5am rather than the planned 6am.
4) I was making breakfast and suddenly on my white microwave as I was stood there with a plate that a small spider came from NOWHERE and skuttled across the surface of the roof of the microwave startling me with...you got it FEAR!!! I after a second or 2 then tried to compose myself that nothing to be afraid of and also to think where the heck is OF lol I then worked on a superb plan of action to remove said spider, a plan even Colonel John Hannibul Smith from the A-Team Tv Show would be proud off that involved a paper towel and a quick grab squeeze panic and throw manouver ive perfected over the years......but when I returned with my chosen weapon of destruction the spider was nowhere to be seen.
This incident alone made me wonder if OF is working or not but also that after 30 days with only 5 more months left, I have a long long way to go.
5) Yesterday was a productive day. After the journal update I got on with my most pressing task for the day - working on the next exam which is only days away.
6) Today I so far made breakfast a big breakfast followed by quick microwavable pancakes and tea. I spoke to my friend on the phone and then got him off quick so that I could focus on todays goals. Due to waking early and trying to focus my self around sleep ive become more focused on getting things done in the day and not wasting time which is great.
7) Tasks for today well first was to get this journal done while the above data was fresh in my head, rather than coming and doing this update later and forgetting salient points. Then I need to address a reply to a friends email. Again can be done later but rather do it now so that will take me a hour atleast. After that I have to unpack my luggage which was in quarantine to be safe. Well that safe time is complete so next 2 days is unpacking.
8) I spent 3hours since waking on having a wash, making and eating breakfast and enjoying a martial arts movie as I ate as well as speaking to my friend and now its 8.17am so not bad even though I really do need to work at making my breakfast reduce to 2hours and then eventually to 1hour.
9) I may be back later to update my data for today and I may also be back to read over the last 30days data to see if I have changed due to the sub but if I dont no worries I need to learn to prioritise more and besides im not fussed as long as I play the sub and I change I dont care about reading over the past to see that change as long as some time in the next remaining 5months I realise the fear has gone completely as the sub promises to do.
10) Finally, to speed up my time ive realised im not writing in the same way today but more focused and concisely thus these numbered bullet points which is nice.
OF3 5.75.7G 13/15Vol
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
