Day 192,
Looking back, I'm realizing that I have unconsciously been pushing the gas pedal on my habits for guitar, Jiu Jitsu, and fitness. More charisma and people-person skills.
My internal ‘give a shit’ meter is super low, but I’ve been behaving like someone who cares to achieve something.
And yet, I'm not exactly pursuing the 'out there' stuff I figured that I would be mentally liberated enough to pursue.
It feels as though my consideration of other people's input for my life path is minimized; it might simply be unconscious (beyond my knowledge) at this point.
So, I get to choose my life path, but what awaits at the end of the tunnel?
By analogy, imagine you are a baby calf, and all you know is that you're in a cage too small for your own good. The whole point is that you will be slaughtered and rendered into tender veal meat for $10 a pound.
However, someone comes to rescue me; my cage is loosened over time, and now the cage door is open. All I have to do is step through to enjoy freedom. But, I'm so unpracticed at the skill of walking (my own path) that it will take a lot of extra work and effort to rebuild those mental muscles and to go where I please. If you have weak legs, it's not enjoyable to move, let alone pivot at a moment's notice.
So supposing that I'm "free" now, in an huge open field, what is so great about this point of the field over any other point? After all, I'll still need to deal with hunger, thirst, predators, cold, comfort. The game has become much more complex, and all of those issues were being addressed in my tiny cage; I'm trading the certainty of that for more navigability, and with a deficiency in creativity on how to make the most of this navigability.
As a real world example, I currently like Jiu Jitsu enough to attend 5-6 times per week and to subject myself to discomfort, even if it's 20 minutes at a time. Other people like it far more and will do two-a-days for 5-7 days per week. They have their hands in all of the competitions and want to reach an elite level.
I do it to be as dangerous as possible, and to leave no doubt that I could maul a bad man on the street if it ever came to that (and I hope it never does).
But what accounts for that delta between hobbyist and the 0.0001% of the sport? What are you left with when you win BJJ titles? Glory? Name recognition? Fame? Even as a BJJ hobbyist, I'm given a torrent of big names in the sport, which I forget within 10 seconds of hearing them. At least the accolades will attract hotter women - I buy that argument, for sure - but some of these guys have wives that I wouldn't touch with a glove.
Even Mike Tyson says that his championship belts are "garbage": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgcHBcQR...hannel=CBS
His accomplishments are tied in with so much mental baggage - I'm sure that Mike would agree on that. And he probably believed that the wins would strike down the feelings of inadequacy that his childhood instilled in him. At the same time, he has touched a lot of money and a lot of pussy because of it. He has since worked on his inner peace and stillness, which is a plus.
Everything fades over time, yet some things shined brightly while it lasted. Is that worth it? That's my dilemma for today. At this moment, I'd say that it is.
Looking back, I'm realizing that I have unconsciously been pushing the gas pedal on my habits for guitar, Jiu Jitsu, and fitness. More charisma and people-person skills.
My internal ‘give a shit’ meter is super low, but I’ve been behaving like someone who cares to achieve something.
And yet, I'm not exactly pursuing the 'out there' stuff I figured that I would be mentally liberated enough to pursue.
It feels as though my consideration of other people's input for my life path is minimized; it might simply be unconscious (beyond my knowledge) at this point.
So, I get to choose my life path, but what awaits at the end of the tunnel?
By analogy, imagine you are a baby calf, and all you know is that you're in a cage too small for your own good. The whole point is that you will be slaughtered and rendered into tender veal meat for $10 a pound.
However, someone comes to rescue me; my cage is loosened over time, and now the cage door is open. All I have to do is step through to enjoy freedom. But, I'm so unpracticed at the skill of walking (my own path) that it will take a lot of extra work and effort to rebuild those mental muscles and to go where I please. If you have weak legs, it's not enjoyable to move, let alone pivot at a moment's notice.
So supposing that I'm "free" now, in an huge open field, what is so great about this point of the field over any other point? After all, I'll still need to deal with hunger, thirst, predators, cold, comfort. The game has become much more complex, and all of those issues were being addressed in my tiny cage; I'm trading the certainty of that for more navigability, and with a deficiency in creativity on how to make the most of this navigability.
As a real world example, I currently like Jiu Jitsu enough to attend 5-6 times per week and to subject myself to discomfort, even if it's 20 minutes at a time. Other people like it far more and will do two-a-days for 5-7 days per week. They have their hands in all of the competitions and want to reach an elite level.
I do it to be as dangerous as possible, and to leave no doubt that I could maul a bad man on the street if it ever came to that (and I hope it never does).
But what accounts for that delta between hobbyist and the 0.0001% of the sport? What are you left with when you win BJJ titles? Glory? Name recognition? Fame? Even as a BJJ hobbyist, I'm given a torrent of big names in the sport, which I forget within 10 seconds of hearing them. At least the accolades will attract hotter women - I buy that argument, for sure - but some of these guys have wives that I wouldn't touch with a glove.
Even Mike Tyson says that his championship belts are "garbage": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgcHBcQR...hannel=CBS
His accomplishments are tied in with so much mental baggage - I'm sure that Mike would agree on that. And he probably believed that the wins would strike down the feelings of inadequacy that his childhood instilled in him. At the same time, he has touched a lot of money and a lot of pussy because of it. He has since worked on his inner peace and stillness, which is a plus.
Everything fades over time, yet some things shined brightly while it lasted. Is that worth it? That's my dilemma for today. At this moment, I'd say that it is.
UMS v2 Journal (current) || Overcoming Fear 5.75G Journal
