Day 155,
I think that a lot of my previous pushes for constant busyness and productivity arose from the need to escape a natural internal state of being, which is an uncomfortable mix of apathy, grief, anger, pity, and anxiety. For this same reason, when the time comes to make a move towards self-improvement that is outside my comfort zone, I often avoid it, as I would be launching myself into the same baseline stew of emotions that I am running from.
I was pulled towards reading a book by David R. Hawkins, some of which is Rule 4 but a lot of it is practical self-improvement. The moral of this book - Letting Go - states that we rid ourselves of our negative emotions by not resisting them when they come up. In fact, you lean into it and 'surrender' to the experience; no intellectualizing, no bargaining, no springboarding from those feelings towards something 'better'. Take the hit on the chin. It eventually lessens and lightens, freeing your emotional state towards more elevated goals.
The moral is that your goals are likely mired in mixed feelings about them, acting as a field of landmines which you are tiptoeing through. Experience the bad feelings, surrender to them, and clear them up, and you will be prepared to more towards what you want.
Edit: education aside, the relevance to the above is that I've gotten tired of fighting against the current of my inner experience versus my outer actions. I've slowed down and allowed myself to feel more fully, without resistance.
I think that a lot of my previous pushes for constant busyness and productivity arose from the need to escape a natural internal state of being, which is an uncomfortable mix of apathy, grief, anger, pity, and anxiety. For this same reason, when the time comes to make a move towards self-improvement that is outside my comfort zone, I often avoid it, as I would be launching myself into the same baseline stew of emotions that I am running from.
I was pulled towards reading a book by David R. Hawkins, some of which is Rule 4 but a lot of it is practical self-improvement. The moral of this book - Letting Go - states that we rid ourselves of our negative emotions by not resisting them when they come up. In fact, you lean into it and 'surrender' to the experience; no intellectualizing, no bargaining, no springboarding from those feelings towards something 'better'. Take the hit on the chin. It eventually lessens and lightens, freeing your emotional state towards more elevated goals.
The moral is that your goals are likely mired in mixed feelings about them, acting as a field of landmines which you are tiptoeing through. Experience the bad feelings, surrender to them, and clear them up, and you will be prepared to more towards what you want.
Edit: education aside, the relevance to the above is that I've gotten tired of fighting against the current of my inner experience versus my outer actions. I've slowed down and allowed myself to feel more fully, without resistance.
UMS v2 Journal (current) || Overcoming Fear 5.75G Journal
