Have you no shame? - OGSF 5G | EPRHA 2.0

[CatMan]

AV is a high status, attractive, masculine VIP pheromone. It's exactly what AV does. AV is awesome.

[LionKing]

AV is a high status, attractive, masculine VIP pheromone. It's exactly what AV does. AV is awesome.

Cool. I knew BW to give of an aggressive vibe, but wasn't sure about AV. Anyway, I like it. Except for the scent, which is much better on BW. I'll be sure to request that if I ever need another bottle.

[apollolux]

I just received a bottle of BW, I prefer the scent of A314 more. BW seems "spicier" and I'm not yet used to it, but either way I love the Irish Spring smell over "spicy" or musky.

[LionKing]

Day 51

A challenge has presented itself. One that'd require a major upheaval in my life, but that also has a clear ring of success to it - compared to this dull staleness I've been feeling for a couple of years now. Feeling genuinely excited, scared, and aggressive. And sad. Let's see how it plays out in the following weeks. At the very least, I should be able to get a little clearer perspective to some things.

Two times now I've encountered the feelings of fear I normally never feel. Both times I've felt more alive than in a long time. Its something akin to passion. I want more.

[LionKing]

Day 71

So, I've been meaning to update, might as well do it now. I have a ton of things to report, but.. it really is hard to pin myself down for this. I do enjoy reading all you guys progress in here, and I've been sending some pm's when I feel like it.

+Been continuing the little daily habits, like dumbbell ex. + jogging, reading 10 pages, etc.

+I'm at 80% of Ask and you're given, which is about the law of attraction. Almost quit early, because the first halv felt like its pushing a religion on me, but the practices are really good. I'm very much learning to consciously choose positive thoughts, ones that make me feel really good. Maybe this will "attract" similar-feeling things to me, maybe not, but it definitely helps ME seek and act out things that lead to more of those feelings. And really, just feeling good should be regarded as a great thing, since a lot of activities and goals we have, we have with the aim of feeling good after/through them.

+With the above, 1 or 2 weeks ago I had a significant experience. I was already feeling good, and I purposefully really focused on all kinds of good things, and especially the way I'd feel if I was in that reality right then. Pride, joy, connection, stuff like that. I did this for many hours, at home, shopping, and such. In the end I was laying on my bed, feeling ecstatic and had all kinds of urges to get up, eat, watch tv, anything because I felt so good I really didn't know what to do with it - I was twitching to distract myself. But I didn't, and just let it grow beyond what I could contain. Cried for about 2.5 hours because I felt so much joy, lol. I felt like I found this fierce joy inside that I couldn't even remember losing at some point along the way. There was maybe a second or two where I felt this weird shift, like the direction of my life changed and I moved onto a different floor of a building blueprint, reorienting myself; it was like with the way I was feeling and thinking now, it was impossible for my life to continue down the path it had been going before. I'm just describing what I felt, I know it sounds messed up. A shift in perception we'll call it. After I was done, I was like "what now" for the rest of the night and for some of the next day. I was waiting sure I'd be forgetting the whole thing in days, but that joy has been accessible ever since then; I know its there and I can make it stronger if I sort of gradually aim for feeling it through visualizing what I want happening etc.

+Took up concentration meditation. I tried a little in the past, but am now more convinced of the benefits. I posted on this briefly in Raz's BASE journal. I'm doing one or two 30 min sessions daily, up to four. Then as I can keep my focus better, my ability to visualize and choose better-feeling thoughts is improved, which improves basically everything. Also, problem solving, eye contact, etc are improved with prolonged focus, and maybe with enough practice you can get into the jhanic states with bliss and such additional effects. Btw, whereas with tapping were focusing on, and looking for, what we don't want and releasing that; with this type of positive visualizing I'm focusing on, and looking for, what I do want. I'll start yawning and relaxing - its releasing resistance. Both of these focuses become a habit, I've experienced. You encounter a hot woman on the street, which habit do you want playing: a) "what's wrong with me, where do I feel tense? I need to mark it down so I can tap on it later", or b) "How would I feel if I looked her in the eye and we had this strong, open, sexual connection? Strong, loving, valued, expressive, joyful, playful, giving, ..."?

+I've been (slightly) wanting to get a new job for years. Also been (slightly) wanting to move to a bigger city for years. About a month ago I really kicked the process of it started, and I now have a really good job that'll move me forward, and I'll be moving to a bigger city - uprooting myself from most of what I have here. In a way this would've been easier on e.g. AM with the focus of "I'll do what I want and I won't be asking any questions from anyone", but now that I'm more inclusive of people close to me, I'm also more sensitive of both their uplifting support, and being brought down a bit because some are (initially) really focused their loss or point of view on the subject and almost trying to put that guilt on me. But in total the input has been really positive and I'm so happy I have such enthusiastic support from people close to me.

+Obsession with subs has reduced. I'm not that worried about how many hours I'm getting anymore, and I also find wearing head phones all the time uncomfortable, so I'll often just play US through the speakers nowadays. I am still pondering about switching subs, because in some way I feel "done" with E2. Though I know there's really a long way to go, but its like I've landed on a new level or something. I am a little hesitant of switching to ASC 6G or even AM6, because I think a too-sudden jump in confidence (aggression), or a sudden withdrawal from caring about anyone and anything else (money, good relations), might negatively impact my success on the new job.

+One note has been that whenever I'll have a really good day, then the next day or three will be total shit. Its oddly consistent and a bit discouraging, though I am starting to expect it now. But on average the slope is upwards.

See, this is why I don't post. Don't even want to admit how it took me write this.

[RTBoss]

+One note has been that whenever I'll have a really good day, then the next day or three will be total shit. Its oddly consistent and a bit discouraging, though I am starting to expect it now. But on average the slope is upwards.

This has been my experience as well. Today is one of those shit days. I am getting the nagging feeling of doing something different than E2, but I also feel like the major breakthroughs are still on the horizon. Hang in there with me.

[LionKing]

+One note has been that whenever I'll have a really good day, then the next day or three will be total shit. Its oddly consistent and a bit discouraging, though I am starting to expect it now. But on average the slope is upwards.

This has been my experience as well. Today is one of those shit days. I am getting the nagging feeling of doing something different than E2, but I also feel like the major breakthroughs are still on the horizon. Hang in there with me.

Yeah sometimes I'll notice that I've been thinking about changing subs for a few days already and that tips me to that something is off, or being processed, or I'm resisting. On the good days I don't even think about changing subs, because its already good. Despite the doubts, I also think E2 is worth hanging on to. Thanks for the reminder.

Gotta remind myself its only been 2 months, and I feel like a different person. After 6-12 months.. who knows, really. Maybe subs will just be a way to keep focus on some specific vibe I might want, a way to amplify that, and not about fixing anything or really even changing anything too important.

[LionKing]

...though gotta admit the temptation to go AM refresher -> SM is getting to me, since I have a feeling I might already be in a much better place to accept that programming. Choices.

[LionKing]

Day 73

This (concentration) meditation is making me angry, tired and insecure, wary. Not confident, even bitter. On the other hand its making me focused, sharp, strong, alpha. Sometimes amazingly happy if I deliberately take myself there (out of meditation). Right now its mostly insecure and tired.

Its like E2 puts on this happy vibe and nothing bad "sticks" to it. And in some ways it seems with more meditation that vibe can fade away. Maybe its just that I'm having a bad day, or maybe I'm more in touch with what's going on, or being processed, under the surface (I understand E2 is designed to "mask" it in some way). Or maybe its a phase in my early practice.

Its like the difference between having just opened that first cold beer and sitting down outside, taking in the sun and sights, complete blissful relaxation vs. having just studied several hours for an exam when you know the material perfectly and you know and are focused on on the exact steps you're gonna do next to kill it at the exam. On a good day the latter is confident and energetic, on a bad day its tired and "don't look at me". Today was the 1st time I've felt like "don't look at me" in months - I've been feeling really good and expressive. But if E2 requires that I'm not sharp and focused, then I'm going to do another program. No use living in a pink pillow, since that's not the end goal. But I do think and hope this is just a phase.

ION: even the girl at the candy shop is sad that I'm moving out, and says to make sure I visit her often. Feels good to get these surprisingly warm and genuine-feeling responses from all kinds of people.

[Shannon]

Meditation is state shifting. EHPRA 2.0 uses state shifting to achieve it's goals. If you use them both, then there is the chance that, as you see, they can disrupt eachother.

I recommend doing EHPRA 2.0 until you're healed enough that you don't have the negatives anymore. If you have to, put aside the other meditation while you're doing it. That's just derailing your efforts to heal, obviously.

[LionKing]

Day 76

Yesterday 1st halv: feeling really good.

Yesterday 2nd halv: feeling really bad.

Today: feeling really good.

That 2nd halv I woke up from a 20-minute nap and felt a very sharp change in mood, to the worse. This has actually happened several times - there's something about napping for me on E2. Anyway, had to go walk it off and sit outside with it, as I understand it was mostly bitterness resentment, anger, sadness and such due to giving way too much value to other's opinions and on making sure things sort of work out well for all involved. I've been making several decision about where I'll live, work, how to handle various things, etc. I'm not saying I'm gonna be an asshole about it from now on, but I do need to let go of this guilt about some of my decisions possible affecting others badly, or not pleasing all other parties, or not wasting people's time. Its my life and I'm aiming for the best-feeling outcome I can, and that's all I can do. So I shouldn't be making myself feel so stressed and bad about those things.

[SargeMaximus]

Anyway, had to go walk it off and sit outside with it, as I understand it was mostly bitterness resentment, anger, sadness and such due to giving way too much value to other's opinions and on making sure things sort of work out well for all involved. I've been making several decision about where I'll live, work, how to handle various things, etc. I'm not saying I'm gonna be an asshole about it from now on, but I do need to let go of this guilt about some of my decisions possible affecting others badly, or not pleasing all other parties, or not wasting people's time. Its my life and I'm aiming for the best-feeling outcome I can, and that's all I can do. So I shouldn't be making myself feel so stressed and bad about those things.

Hey man, what I realized a while ago was that if my actions don't kill, physically harm, emotionally scar or traumatize, take something from or hinder another person's goals, then there's no reason I shouldn't be 100% ok with doing it.

Even a kid will get sad if his parent tells him he can't go out to play till he finishes his homework, or that he has to eat his vegetables instead of ice cream everyday, but if the parents gave in to all the immature drama, not only would the kids turn out unhealthy, but the parents would too.

I'm not saying you treat other people like kids btw, it's just an analogy. Hope this helps.

[LionKing]

Hey man, what I realized a while ago was that if my actions don't kill, physically harm, emotionally scar or traumatize, take something from or hinder another person's goals, then there's no reason I shouldn't be 100% ok with doing it.

Even a kid will get sad if his parent tells him he can't go out to play till he finishes his homework, or that he has to eat his vegetables instead of ice cream everyday, but if the parents gave in to all the immature drama, not only would the kids turn out unhealthy, but the parents would too.

I'm not saying you treat other people like kids btw, it's just an analogy. Hope this helps.

Hey! Interesting analogy, though the concerns I have are more "sorry, I need to put my own needs before yours", and I see that analogy more as "sorry, you need to put your own long-term needs before short-term needs". But hey, its a different perspective.

Intellectually what I posted is, and has been, 100% clear to me - still, it often prevails. Don't like disappointing others, I guess. Maybe that links back to how I place 'value' on myself, somehow. Mm, whatever. There was other stuff mixed in that particular bad day as well; something about others getting it all in the end when I don't, or some general down-feeling like that (victim). Got out of it though after a little talk & fun.

[LionKing]

Btw, I'd be nice to report something on these good days too, which there have been plenty of. There just isn't anything to report, really. If something used to bother me, and now I'll just feel content, then there's no contrast in the event that I'd register. Always easy to spot the things that are bothering me, and so that gets reported and theorized upon. Idk, I feel good - going to go for a jog now. And going on a holiday next week :)