Greenduck's LTU5 journal

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Step 1: Let go of your "friend". Accept that it's over. Move on and live your life.

Yeah, everybody tells me to do that...

I just can't for some reason.

[Zane]

Step 1: Let go of your "friend". Accept that it's over. Move on and live your life.

Yeah, everybody tells me to do that...

I just can't for some reason.

Just don't quit.. You will reach your goai.

If it was easy everyone would have done it

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Step 1: Let go of your "friend". Accept that it's over. Move on and live your life.

Yeah, everybody tells me to do that...

I just can't for some reason.

Just don't quit.. You will reach your goai.

If it was easy everyone would have done it

Which goal are you referring to? My goal of getting my friend back using the "becoming" method? Or the goal of becoming a highly desired alpha male that beautiful young women throw themselves at using AM6, WM, SM and DMSI over a period of years? Also, feel free to answer this in my E2 journal, as I feel like I'm derailing Greenduck's journal.

[Z-Man]

You have to forgive yourself first. Do it for yourself. You are worth it. Your friend may never forgive you. Believe you can change, be patience with yourself. If your friend is doing you more hurt than good. Let them go, so you can more on. If you can afford LTU5 right now E3 has a lot of deep healing in it that could help you.

[Greenduck]

You have to forgive yourself first. Do it for yourself. You are worth it. Your friend may never forgive you. Believe you can change, be patience with yourself. If your friend is doing you more hurt than good. Let them go, so you can more on. If you can afford LTU5 right now E3 has a lot of deep healing in it that could help you.

Agreed. Better to go with E3 now if you can afford it rather than using E2 until LTU. Big difference E2 and E3. And screw the goals of becoming alpha right now, you need to become emotionally healthy before that. Set it as your first priority. Let go of our expectations and reach for feeling good and content inside even if it seems unlikely you will get there with the help of the subs. But E3 is something entirely different than E2 so you are in some way wasting your time running E2 instead of E3.

[Shannon]

Step 1: Let go of your "friend". Accept that it's over. Move on and live your life.

Yeah, everybody tells me to do that...

I just can't for some reason.

You can. You may not want to. You may not choose to. But can't is bullshit excuses.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Step 1: Let go of your "friend". Accept that it's over. Move on and live your life.

Yeah, everybody tells me to do that...

I just can't for some reason.

You can. You may not want to. You may not choose to. But can't is ***** excuses.

I guess it's because I feel like I would be accepting defeat. Like I'm not good enough, was never good enough and will never be good enough, so I might as well just give up, because I can't change that. And I don't want to admit defeat. I don't want to admit I'm not good enough and will never be good enough. I want to think I can win, and prove I am good enough. Problem is, with that attitude, I'll NEVER be good enough anyway. It feels like a catch 22. It feels like I'm in an unwinnable scenario. I realize I'm relying way too much on external validation, but I feel like if I were really good enough, the external would match the internal, right? Problem is, the internal doesn't believe I'm good enough, so the external DOES match the internal. A catch 22. I dunno how to resolve this. Maybe I DO just need to let it go and believe I AM good enough despite what external circumstances say. But I don't feel that way. Sorry I'm dumping my shit on you. You're right, I can accept it's over, I just can't seem to accept myself. I never could. I hate myself, and don't think I'm worth anything. I need these healing subs. But I don't know if they can clean up all this self hatred. I guess I just gotta have faith and try my best, because I'm running out of options.

[Greenduck]

Step 1: Let go of your "friend". Accept that it's over. Move on and live your life.

Yeah, everybody tells me to do that...

I just can't for some reason.

You can. You may not want to. You may not choose to. But can't is ***** excuses.

I guess it's because I feel like I would be accepting defeat. Like I'm not good enough, was never good enough and will never be good enough, so I might as well just give up, because I can't change that. And I don't want to admit defeat. I don't want to admit I'm not good enough and will never be good enough. I want to think I can win, and prove I am good enough. Problem is, with that attitude, I'll NEVER be good enough anyway. It feels like a catch 22. It feels like I'm in an unwinnable scenario. I realize I'm relying way too much on external validation, but I feel like if I were really good enough, the external would match the internal, right? Problem is, the internal doesn't believe I'm good enough, so the external DOES match the internal. A catch 22. I dunno how to resolve this. Maybe I DO just need to let it go and believe I AM good enough despite what external circumstances say. But I don't feel that way. Sorry I'm dumping my shit on you. You're right, I can accept it's over, I just can't seem to accept myself. I never could. I hate myself, and don't think I'm worth anything. I need these healing subs. But I don't know if they can clean up all this self hatred. I guess I just gotta have faith and try my best, because I'm running out of options.

There you go.

[DavisMind91]

Step 1: Let go of your "friend". Accept that it's over. Move on and live your life.

Yeah, everybody tells me to do that...

I just can't for some reason.

You can. You may not want to. You may not choose to. But can't is ***** excuses.

I guess it's because I feel like I would be accepting defeat. Like I'm not good enough, was never good enough and will never be good enough, so I might as well just give up, because I can't change that. And I don't want to admit defeat. I don't want to admit I'm not good enough and will never be good enough. I want to think I can win, and prove I am good enough. Problem is, with that attitude, I'll NEVER be good enough anyway. It feels like a catch 22. It feels like I'm in an unwinnable scenario. I realize I'm relying way too much on external validation, but I feel like if I were really good enough, the external would match the internal, right? Problem is, the internal doesn't believe I'm good enough, so the external DOES match the internal. A catch 22. I dunno how to resolve this. Maybe I DO just need to let it go and believe I AM good enough despite what external circumstances say. But I don't feel that way. Sorry I'm dumping my shit on you. You're right, I can accept it's over, I just can't seem to accept myself. I never could. I hate myself, and don't think I'm worth anything. I need these healing subs. But I don't know if they can clean up all this self hatred. I guess I just gotta have faith and try my best, because I'm running out of options.

The first thing you may want to do IS accept who you already are, once you do this you’ll truly recognize there’s room for improvement and begin to progress. You’re still breathing which means you still have an opportunity to keep striving for improvement. In truth, if the person you are could get you what you wanted, you’d already have it, so instead of quitting try moving forward and see what results you get from that. I once hit the point where I gave up too, a couple years before I found IML. Know what happened?...life sucked even more when I layed down instead of rolling with the punches and moving forward. 10 years before that I was moments away from taking my own life. Everything is a choice and every moment you have to choose better in order to become better. Laying down in bed all day won’t help either obviously. Start getting up and doing SOMETHING, action seems to be a good counteraction to depression in my experience. 

You may not feel good enough to achieve your goals right now, but you definitely won’t be until take control and assert the best part of yourself on to life. You’re still here which means you haven’t been defeated yet. If your validation has been external then it means you need to become the author of your own story now. Take responsibility and accountability for your own life and realize that self hatred is getting you nowhere and it never will, except maybe 6 feet under. Do you really want to leave this world knowing you just gave up before you ever gave yourself a real chance?

One day you’ll be gone for good like the rest of us. So tell me @EvolvingPhoenix what legacy would you like to leave behind? That’s all that should matter to you at this point.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

So I got high last night, and realized I'm CHOOSING to suffer. This realization has, I think, changed my perspective in a profound way.

[Shannon]

Step 1: Let go of your "friend". Accept that it's over. Move on and live your life.

Yeah, everybody tells me to do that...

I just can't for some reason.

You can. You may not want to. You may not choose to. But can't is ***** excuses.

I guess it's because I feel like I would be accepting defeat. Like I'm not good enough, was never good enough and will never be good enough, so I might as well just give up, because I can't change that. And I don't want to admit defeat. I don't want to admit I'm not good enough and will never be good enough. I want to think I can win, and prove I am good enough. Problem is, with that attitude, I'll NEVER be good enough anyway. It feels like a catch 22. It feels like I'm in an unwinnable scenario.

Who do you think this is a competition with?  Your friend walked away, and you somehow think that getting them back is going to "win" you something?  Life's experiences are rarely about "winning" and "losing".  This is about learning.  Nobody but you can decide if you're "good enough", so how did you end up deciding you're not?  You make the decision, not someone else!  It's about like having the winning numbers for the lotto each and every week before the draw and intentionally choosing the wrong ones to play because "I don't deserve to win".  How stupid and useless is that?!

The only person who can decide what you believe is YOU.  And the only person who can decide whether you are a winner or a loser or happy or miserable or successful or a failure or good enough or not is YOU.  Not your friend.  Not some stupid magazine.  Not the TV or the radio or the websites you see on the Internet.  YOU.

You put yourself in an unwinnable scenario with faulty thinking and failure based beliefs.  So change that!  Change your point of view, change what you believe about yourself, and make yourself everything you want to be!

I realize I'm relying way too much on external validation, but I feel like if I were really good enough, the external would match the internal, right? Problem is, the internal doesn't believe I'm good enough, so the external DOES match the internal. A catch 22. I dunno how to resolve this. 

Resolve it by understanding that it is based on a false belief and faulty thinking.  The premise here is: 

If I were really good enough, the external would match the internal, right?

And the conclusion you reach is

The internal doesn't believe I'm good enough, so the external DOES match the internal.

OF COURSE the external matches the internal.  IT IS YOUR BELIEFS THAT GENERATE YOUR EXTERNAL REALITY!  So now has come the time to change your beliefs.  You can start at a conscious level and use your conscious will to do this, and you can also use a program like E3 or LTU5.  I suggest that it is better to get E3 now and worry about saving up for LTU5 later, if you still think you need to, and while you are using E3, than save up for LTU5 right now.

Maybe I DO just need to let it go and believe I AM good enough despite what external circumstances say. But I don't feel that way. Sorry I'm dumping my shit on you. You're right, I can accept it's over, I just can't seem to accept myself. I never could. I hate myself, and don't think I'm worth anything. I need these healing subs. But I don't know if they can clean up all this self hatred. I guess I just gotta have faith and try my best, because I'm running out of options.

Yes.  Exactly right.  Let go of the failure based beliefs and start integrating success based beliefs that result in you generating internally and externally the reality which you desire.  You generate the external circumstances with what you believe and think internally.  You must change the internal first.  You may have to use subliminals and your imagination at first, but you can feel that way.  The becoming technique would be excellent for this while you are waiting on getting E3, if you must wait for it.

And yes, you can accept yourself.  Can't is a bullshit excuse, regardless of where you point it.  Stop making excuses.  Choose the end result you want.  Align yourself with it in your thoughts, feelings, choices and actions.  Become it.

Seek to consciously understand why you hate yourself.  Why you think you are worthless.  Self hate and low sense of self worth are ALWAYS the result of a misunderstanding.  100% of the time.  

I know a woman who was abused mentally, emotionally and some would say physically while she was 0 to 18 years old.  She still believes deep down that she is somehow at fault for that.  That she did something wrong to make them hate her and treat her that way, because she is such an innocent soul that she can't yet comprehend that her parents are selfish, clueless, low-awareness morons who only understand "me" and everything that is "not me" must have no feelings or value.

So because her parents were drug addicts and morons who didn't care for her or take care of her and constantly were manipulating her and telling her that her cries for love and help and her pain and depression were wrong, didn't matter, weren't real, and she should just shut up and do what they told her to do while they ignored her unless she wasn't there to ignore, she believes that she somehow deserves to be punished for being such a horrible child and she is indeed punishing herself every day for that.  She punishes herself in ways that are just as horrible as what her parents did to her.  All because she misunderstood that they were responsible for her and they were responsible for their choices and their actions, not her.

Maybe you have something similar?

Trace it back and try to understand where it came from.  Then try to understand why it us faulty beliefs and faulty thinking, and change that.  And get yourself a copy of E3 and use it.

By the way, that woman is using LTU5.  She just yesterday told me that she is in the process of doing the most difficult thing she has ever done in her life: she is divorcing herself from her family.  The whole thing.  Because LTU5 has made her understand that she deserves better than how they are treating her, and she is no longer willing to accept the bad treatment she gets from them.  E3 is a big part of why she is doing that.  And while it's nt easy for her to make this change in her life, she is doing it and it is having a profound positive impact on how she feels and how her life and future are going.  

So unless you can get LTU5 very soon, get E3 and then worry about whether or not you want LTU5.  Make progress while you work towards it if you still need it.  And don't forget professional psychological help, either.  If you have a way to get that, get it.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Step 1: Let go of your "friend". Accept that it's over. Move on and live your life.

Yeah, everybody tells me to do that...

I just can't for some reason.

You can. You may not want to. You may not choose to. But can't is ***** excuses.

I guess it's because I feel like I would be accepting defeat. Like I'm not good enough, was never good enough and will never be good enough, so I might as well just give up, because I can't change that. And I don't want to admit defeat. I don't want to admit I'm not good enough and will never be good enough. I want to think I can win, and prove I am good enough. Problem is, with that attitude, I'll NEVER be good enough anyway. It feels like a catch 22. It feels like I'm in an unwinnable scenario.

Who do you think this is a competition with?  Your friend walked away, and you somehow think that getting them back is going to "win" you something?  Life's experiences are rarely about "winning" and "losing".  This is about learning.  Nobody but you can decide if you're "good enough", so how did you end up deciding you're not?  You make the decision, not someone else!  It's about like having the winning numbers for the lotto each and every week before the draw and intentionally choosing the wrong ones to play because "I don't deserve to win".  How stupid and useless is that?!

The only person who can decide what you believe is YOU.  And the only person who can decide whether you are a winner or a loser or happy or miserable or successful or a failure or good enough or not is YOU.  Not your friend.  Not some stupid magazine.  Not the TV or the radio or the websites you see on the Internet.  YOU.

You put yourself in an unwinnable scenario with faulty thinking and failure based beliefs.  So change that!  Change your point of view, change what you believe about yourself, and make yourself everything you want to be!

I realize I'm relying way too much on external validation, but I feel like if I were really good enough, the external would match the internal, right? Problem is, the internal doesn't believe I'm good enough, so the external DOES match the internal. A catch 22. I dunno how to resolve this. 

Resolve it by understanding that it is based on a false belief and faulty thinking.  The premise here is: 

If I were really good enough, the external would match the internal, right?

And the conclusion you reach is

The internal doesn't believe I'm good enough, so the external DOES match the internal.

OF COURSE the external matches the internal.  IT IS YOUR BELIEFS THAT GENERATE YOUR EXTERNAL REALITY!  So now has come the time to change your beliefs.  You can start at a conscious level and use your conscious will to do this, and you can also use a program like E3 or LTU5.  I suggest that it is better to get E3 now and worry about saving up for LTU5 later, if you still think you need to, and while you are using E3, than save up for LTU5 right now.

Maybe I DO just need to let it go and believe I AM good enough despite what external circumstances say. But I don't feel that way. Sorry I'm dumping my shit on you. You're right, I can accept it's over, I just can't seem to accept myself. I never could. I hate myself, and don't think I'm worth anything. I need these healing subs. But I don't know if they can clean up all this self hatred. I guess I just gotta have faith and try my best, because I'm running out of options.

Yes.  Exactly right.  Let go of the failure based beliefs and start integrating success based beliefs that result in you generating internally and externally the reality which you desire.  You generate the external circumstances with what you believe and think internally.  You must change the internal first.  You may have to use subliminals and your imagination at first, but you can feel that way.  The becoming technique would be excellent for this while you are waiting on getting E3, if you must wait for it.

And yes, you can accept yourself.  Can't is a ***** excuse, regardless of where you point it.  Stop making excuses.  Choose the end result you want.  Align yourself with it in your thoughts, feelings, choices and actions.  Become it.

Seek to consciously understand why you hate yourself.  Why you think you are worthless.  Self hate and low sense of self worth are ALWAYS the result of a misunderstanding.  100% of the time.  

I know a woman who was abused mentally, emotionally and some would say physically while she was 0 to 18 years old.  She still believes deep down that she is somehow at fault for that.  That she did something wrong to make them hate her and treat her that way, because she is such an innocent soul that she can't yet comprehend that her parents are selfish, clueless, low-awareness morons who only understand "me" and everything that is "not me" must have no feelings or value.

So because her parents were drug addicts and morons who didn't care for her or take care of her and constantly were manipulating her and telling her that her cries for love and help and her pain and depression were wrong, didn't matter, weren't real, and she should just shut up and do what they told her to do while they ignored her unless she wasn't there to ignore, she believes that she somehow deserves to be punished for being such a horrible child and she is indeed punishing herself every day for that.  She punishes herself in ways that are just as horrible as what her parents did to her.  All because she misunderstood that they were responsible for her and they were responsible for their choices and their actions, not her.

Maybe you have something similar?

Trace it back and try to understand where it came from.  Then try to understand why it us faulty beliefs and faulty thinking, and change that.  And get yourself a copy of E3 and use it.

By the way, that woman is using LTU5.  She just yesterday told me that she is in the process of doing the most difficult thing she has ever done in her life: she is divorcing herself from her family.  The whole thing.  Because LTU5 has made her understand that she deserves better than how they are treating her, and she is no longer willing to accept the bad treatment she gets from them.  E3 is a big part of why she is doing that.  And while it's nt easy for her to make this change in her life, she is doing it and it is having a profound positive impact on how she feels and how her life and future are going.  

So unless you can get LTU5 very soon, get E3 and then worry about whether or not you want LTU5.  Make progress while you work towards it if you still need it.  And don't forget professional psychological help, either.  If you have a way to get that, get it.

Gonna reply on my E2 journal because This is Greenduck's journal.

[Shannon]

Sorry, Greenduck. I don't always realize who's journal I am replying to.

[Greenduck]

Sorry, Greenduck. I don't always realize who's journal I am replying to.

No worries. I'm almost always interested in what you have to say so I was just glad to take part of it. The forum is here for helping each other and as long as my journal don't become a chat-forum for everybody I'm fine with it