Findingme's Universal Detox thread

[Benjamin]

It was out yesterday haha :p

[Daredevil]

He's talking about Happiness and Joy, Shannon Stated that happiness and joy won't be made for a while because it is to complex for a Focus Fire Subliminal. This is mainly because it is human nature to err to the Negative side of things.

[rumi5]

WOW,

Shannon,

Will Genuine Happiness and Joy be 5.5 or 6? Any time frame? I'm REALLY EXCITED for this one!!

[Daredevil]

Probably will be 5.5 G and will probably be built in between DMSI 3.2 and 3.3 because solving the problems that impede hapiness and joy in humans will be a big thing to intergrate in the 6G skeleton script.

[rumi5]

i Want to be Happy just as much or more than I want to get laid all the time.

I hope that comes out ASAP!!!!

[findingme]

Probably will be 5.5 G and will probably be built in between DMSI 3.2 and 3.3 because solving the problems that impede hapiness and joy in humans will be a big thing to intergrate in the 6G skeleton script.

This makes so much sense to me. I've looked longingly at newer subs coming out.....but if one--especially DMSI--were to include all of them, I'd definitely wait for it.

DMSI has a focus on clearing out old head trash with women (those who we're attracted to), and I've been thinking on that some this weekend. Last weekend, my daughter asked me if any new females had come into my life, and I welcomed her question with a smile. My answer was "no", but her curiosity caught my attention. I'd been thinking on that exact thing days earlier. She's 13, so she's looking for relationship examples. The whole mood/attitude/happiness/hopefulness factor comes into relationships continually, and having a fast, effective sub tackle the mental giants is a great gift I'll willingly wait for.

Getting laid is nice, but keeping a relationship, in my book, is something I'd like tools for. I need to change or adjust my own thinking first, and I'll wait for those tools. I like what I've seen coming out.

[findingme]

I'm running UD now, and I consider it almost a test sub for mental/emotional clearing. I've bought, used, and made subs for 2 years now, and nothing ever hit me like UD did. I'll be antsy and irritated after work, will come home, and often just start up UD since I'll only have 10 hours before I have to go back.

I'll wake up feeling lighter and freer. I like that. Comparing it to other vendor's subs or one's I've made myself, IML subs dig up and replace crud, while other subs just pile stuff on top of my thinking. I know Shannon doesn't imply or state it in any way, but I'd use subs any day over face to face therapy--as I "hid" in therapist's offices for years past (for multiple years). His stuff clears out stuff I've clung to for decades. I'll take this "therapy" any day. Adding onto that, try paying a therapist once and coming back for more visits without paying again. Ain't gonna happen. Just ain't.

I'll fix my thinking instead. I'll choose subliminals. Thanks for making these Shannon.

[findingme]

Something I am curious about is that I've not had dreams surface, as I've rarely remembered dreams for years. One dream I had years ago stuck in my memory since it was so unusual. It wasn't a bad dream at all, but I kept it in my memory since I had slept very soundly, I woke up naturally (no alarm clock), so a lack of fear/tension may have allowed it to surface. It was a pleasant dream.

I'm bringing this up since using UD I sometimes will have clear daydreams while at work. I'll be riding shotgun in our work truck traveling 5-20 minutes to a site, and I'll daydream. Sometimes prominent imaginations will come up, like saying something I've wanted to or needed to to people, but haven't due to fear. I'll play these daydreams out fully, as I imagine some resolution which I've really wanted.

Is this normal? No remembered night dreams in my life, but somewhat regular daydreams with imagined feel-good resolutions. And my body relaxes once I've fixed the problem (in my head). I've always been a daydreamer, but UD has been making its imprint in my daydreams, I believe, as it feels similar to a sleeping dream in my head. The awareness of it after feels like my mind had been in sleep mode.

[findingme]

I'm back on UD, having run Self Esteem almost a week. SE is an excellent program. I just realized more clearing was necessary, so I sidelined it for now.

I began UD 1/18/18. I've had many good moments before I pulled off it, I'd been PMing different users about their sub habits and experiences, and realized I WANT THIS.

Thank you Shannon, for your tough words to ride out the resistance. I've not had much turbulence since coming back on, but wow--I was very, very aware something was running in my head the first day after. When I'd just listen to my thinking during the work day, it was like I could hear something (maybe the trickling stream). I also FELT like some things were being shuffled around. I could actually feel something, and as a stroke survivor who actively worked on healing my brain, UD felt very similar. Yes, the brain can regenerate itself given time, energy, and enough resources. UD is doing some healing too, and I am grateful to have picked it up.

[findingme]

I have been running UD again, 3 nights so far. Clearing is taking place.

I had been on SE for almost a month. I realized only 2 days ago.......I overloaded myself. I had been running SE way more than six loops. For 2 weeks, no problems came up. However, when clearing began, it hit HARD. I pulled off it, resumed E2 immediately after, but upon reading about E2's speed vs. subs after it, I chose to go back on UD. I ran E2 maybe 4 nights.

And I'm feeling old stuff surfacing on UD. I''m all feelings now, missing a dad and my brother. I had turned on a PianoGuys YT playlist this morning (not my norm), and one song got me crying. It's their cover of "This is my fight song", and the song is played in Scotland. A bagpipe crew comes in halfway, and it had me balling. I felt connected to that "we are in your corner" feel, and I really, really wanted that.

F*** it. I'll share this. I wrestled with these wants surfacing in the last 24 hours. It is/was me needing to feel loved by another guy, and the only love I ever experienced when younger was with my brother. I "wrestled" since I work with all guys. But this isn't a homosexual love one may be thinking.

I realized it's me needing a father's love. My father I never met, spoke, or even heard from until I was 17. After graduating high school, I drove across the state, met him again (my 2nd time), and ended up staying there for the summer. I moved in, wanting him to fill the void, but he was quite selfish. I distanced myself emotionally, and he passed away 3 years later. However, I was there when he took his last breath.

I felt these same desires for love in the early 90's since I had a friendship with a guy whose life I desired: living with both parents, making good money, and feeling a lot more secure than I felt. I secretly wanted this guy to.......father me, be my guide......and I wondered if I were gay. Nothing sexual I thought of, but being without information I wondered "Who else thinks like this?"

I contacted an organization, and I found out many gay people are seeking their same sex parent's love from a peer, as many have had traumatic relationships with that parent. This greatly relieved me since I had a big void, and great shame admitting it. I've been on and off looking at this wound since that time (mostly off), but it's come up a lot more since starting Shannon's subliminals.

I just wanted a father's love.

Regarding physical detox: nothing major. I had some sniffles this morning, and I realized the sub was doing this.

But my primary reason for running it again is to clear out my emotional lies to myself. I've been slightly aware I've wanted to drift to my old norm, my world of lying to myself. This is me hating myself, and I am using something which I've experienced major awarenesses with: UD. It is a subtle, powerful, life changing program. I'll do one day at a time though. Only six loops too.

[findingme]

I will insist this not be a place for needless debate. If you feel the need to debate with someone, do not do it here.

[findingme]

So, I didn't work today since I needed some medical info from my doctor, and I had a test taken. I noticed I'm wishing to put myself around women I find attractive. I did so a few times today. At the doctor's office, at the gas station, even at the library, which I've been wanting to do for months now. I stepped out of my fears.

I'm not sure what's going on, but staying in my same s*** isn't attractive to me at all. I plan on going to an ACA meeting tonight, which I've not been to for 3-5 (?) months.

I also contacted a member here who's been on the board a number of years asking him about AM. I'd looked into AM a month or 2 back, and pulled back on it. I shared that something I imagined about AM scared the s*** out of me. I'll not rehash that thinking here, but I'd read some old posts of Shannon's about the alpha male, and him sharing about doing the right thing hit me in gut. I've regressed to helpless little boy mode many times, and I'm feeling quite disturbed hiding in that "role".

That's partly why I'm going to a meeting tonight. When I think on it, I can worry about this/that/whatever. Just going and refusing to lie are my goals. I'll see what happens.

I get pissed thinking lying is the only thing I can do. Let's see what happens. I have choices now.

[findingme]

I went to my meeting. I realized during the meeting, and from something we read, why I'd not grown much. As I sat there, with men and women, I realized

1. I kept quiet around men since I have put them in parental roles for years. God forbid I should tell them or be honest. They might reject me; in my mind I'd already "seen" it many times.
2. I sat near women, and I had put them in parental figures too. I sat near one woman who's liked me, and I realize--yuck--I put a possible lover into a parent role--I had done the same with my wife, and it completely snuffed out attraction. (who'd want to sleep with their mother?) I'd never noticed this before, but I knew I'd shut down sexual desires regularly in meetings in years past.

It is a 2 hour meeting. Only 6 people there, and I didn't share yet. Finally, a reading on codependency came up, and I shared why I'd been quiet. I never shared the sexual stuff, only the expectations I put on many people so many years. Surprisingly (a good thing) was my share was much more emotionally vulnerable, and it affected other's shares following mine. The "book talk" where people spit out program phrases constantly just deafens me, as some "know" a lot, but haven't grown much.

I also shared how I'd read someone's post here (not naming anyone or IML), how one writer shared he shared his concerns, hangups, and struggles in AA meetings regularly to defuse the tension they created, and that's why I was sharing. I shared I'd spent many years in meetings, holding it in and feeling worse after.......for doing that never made me feel better.

I did feel better after I shared. Thank you for being real here Eternity. I heard you, and it worked for me too.

[findingme]

I got up an hour ago, after lying in bed for 4 hours. 2 big cups of coffee before an afternoon doctor's visit stayed in me, exciting my nerves. I'd had UD running on US, and.........I'd been whining to myself since I'm wishing to be productive and successful. UD doesn't (or hasn't) manifested anything like that. And I was restless. I was also toying with jumping on LTU (which I bought a month ago), so I could weasel into AM in a few weeks without anyone knowing I was ditching UD.

I finally jumped up. I wanted to feel good. I wanted to believe in myself, and LTU was my way there. I shut down UD and began LTU on loop. I walked around inside my small place to burn off some caffeine, and I began imagining me telling guys here (in some respectful, kind-of-mature tone) how they were complaining about DMSI but completely being ignorant that 1. they had no RIGHT to more, more, more, and 2. that the old subs are fossils in comparison to 5.5's speed. Also, (probably due to LTU's procrastination message), I began washing my dishes (undone over a week). I cleaned my kitchen, cleaned out my trash, and got together supplies for work tomorrow. And this message of bitching to the guys grew uncomfortably in me.

I slowly realized.......I was mad at myself for doing those very things I'd mentioned. I wanted more, more, more and now, now, now......... It was my frustration at myself. I wanted to point it at anyone else, literally. But I knew it was all about me. All about me. Whenever I have a real vent, I've noticed it's rarely about YOU.

After a loop and 8 minutes, I cut off LTU and resumed the final 2 loops of UD, where I'd cut it off.

It felt kind of sad in me. I'd been thinking--seriously--that this was similar to Stage 2 of AM, the "I can see your BS" stage. However, I really didn't have to dig too much to know my truth. I just felt it. I'd propped myself up, looking down on you, and I was hurting inside. I felt that. I wanted to blame you (anyone), punish you, since........I knew what was right (yikes).

In truth, I want to listen to me (sometimes) but often don't (much lately).

I've wanted the emotional release........f***.....without all the emotion. Yes, it feels good finally letting it out. It's just......I'm having to take a more active part this time. This is very strange to me since I often use subs so I can be a passive recipient without having to do much. Without a doubt this time, I've had to allow myself to feel things. I usually don't have to dig much. But this is very, very unusual in my subliminal experience. I've thought "let the sub do all the work", that of pulling up my weaknesses and ugly stuff.............I've wanted that, very much so.

This is new. And I am whining here. I'm findingme, and I've been whining today.

Emotions, when clearing my stuff, don't feel good. The truth, though, is that I've had my foot on the brake trying to move forward. It seems to make it hurt more. And longer. I've been keeping it in more than letting it out.