Something broke through last night. I discovered something very big.
Close to 2 months back, a lottery scratch-off ticket was left right on my desk at work. I left it there a few days in case the owner wanted to retrieve it, but it stayed there. So, I eyed it kind of quickly, felt it may have value, but I also was frustrated since it looked like it was complicated. I took it home, and that resistance to check it out has remained. I realize I've had this built-in belief that I would, and even should, fail if I ever played the lotto. So, it sat on my bathroom counter for these last 2 months, untouched.
Something changed last night. I realized yesterday afternoon that I'd run UMS for 8 days straight, as I just wanted to and it felt good. But the fact that I was tired all weekend--and not resting--was my cue. i was on loop 4, but i just shut it off. Day one of rest started today.
But......I also picked up that scratch-off ticket. That mental roadblock of mine didn't seem to be so strong, as i understood the card quickly.
This is a crossword scratch-off, and if you get 10 words, you win $500,000. Ten words are showing, and I wasn't the person who scratched them off. So basically, I won $500,000. My feelings of believing I should fail are still alive, right in the middle of this. But I called the FL lottery minutes ago to see if anyone would answer. I learned they're open from 830-500, and it's 7 now. Finished work at 630. I went online last night, and only 4 of 8 possible $500,000 winning cards have been turned in.
Limiting beliefs. Wow. I don't even buy lotto tickets!
I became aware of other limiting beliefs today too, and one stuck in my mind and heart. Me and my coworker were talking about women and kids, and a thought stuck with me since I'm acting it out. I've believed "I'm not worthy of a woman's love". I've dated only when pushed (meaning almost never), and I've only had sex with 2 women, the 2nd my wife. Let it be known this was not chastity or morals. I used that as a cover, when the truth is I just didn't feel worthy of a woman's love. And I married someone living by the same standard with men.
So, with the money, I am going one step at a time, but I'm going. I've just been believing "good things don't happen to me". Guess I'm in some form of pity party right now. I'm feeling sad for some reason. It would feel real awkward celebrating this, especially when my mind keeps looking for reasons why it won't, or shouldn't, work for me.
And I'd do loops, but I'm trying to rest my brain. I'll take imput though.
Close to 2 months back, a lottery scratch-off ticket was left right on my desk at work. I left it there a few days in case the owner wanted to retrieve it, but it stayed there. So, I eyed it kind of quickly, felt it may have value, but I also was frustrated since it looked like it was complicated. I took it home, and that resistance to check it out has remained. I realize I've had this built-in belief that I would, and even should, fail if I ever played the lotto. So, it sat on my bathroom counter for these last 2 months, untouched.
Something changed last night. I realized yesterday afternoon that I'd run UMS for 8 days straight, as I just wanted to and it felt good. But the fact that I was tired all weekend--and not resting--was my cue. i was on loop 4, but i just shut it off. Day one of rest started today.
But......I also picked up that scratch-off ticket. That mental roadblock of mine didn't seem to be so strong, as i understood the card quickly.
This is a crossword scratch-off, and if you get 10 words, you win $500,000. Ten words are showing, and I wasn't the person who scratched them off. So basically, I won $500,000. My feelings of believing I should fail are still alive, right in the middle of this. But I called the FL lottery minutes ago to see if anyone would answer. I learned they're open from 830-500, and it's 7 now. Finished work at 630. I went online last night, and only 4 of 8 possible $500,000 winning cards have been turned in.
Limiting beliefs. Wow. I don't even buy lotto tickets!
I became aware of other limiting beliefs today too, and one stuck in my mind and heart. Me and my coworker were talking about women and kids, and a thought stuck with me since I'm acting it out. I've believed "I'm not worthy of a woman's love". I've dated only when pushed (meaning almost never), and I've only had sex with 2 women, the 2nd my wife. Let it be known this was not chastity or morals. I used that as a cover, when the truth is I just didn't feel worthy of a woman's love. And I married someone living by the same standard with men.
So, with the money, I am going one step at a time, but I'm going. I've just been believing "good things don't happen to me". Guess I'm in some form of pity party right now. I'm feeling sad for some reason. It would feel real awkward celebrating this, especially when my mind keeps looking for reasons why it won't, or shouldn't, work for me.
And I'd do loops, but I'm trying to rest my brain. I'll take imput though.
I want to be FREE!