08-01-2019, 02:56 PM
(08-01-2019, 02:49 PM)findingme Wrote: This is my 2nd day break, and I'm doing one loop now. It's a needed reprieve. I've been having old fears whispering to me about women, money, how people viewed me... It's like I was looking for some familiar feeling to camp out in. A lot of it was old self pitying thinking, me looking for some old norm.
Something my mind threw at me today was that LTU was nothing more than a "feel good" drug. It sunk in for a few minutes since it was tagged heavily with fear. I'd been thinking of what LTU has been working on, my self esteem mostly. Considering my mind's accusation, I reflected on the recent emotional successes, and after the fear died, I realized.....LTU is warring some fears, and they're speaking up.
I have this sense that it's getting closer to another root. Just now, I thought "maybe being the victim isn't a desirable identity". I held to that for years.
And 15 minutes later (been thinking here), I saw some image when I was 10 or so. I felt powerless. And unsuccessful making my mom happy.
I'll sit on that. My sister's coming by to take me out to dinner for my birthday.
Happy birthday. Don't worry about the fears, you clearly see they are fighting for their life so to speak. Keep going and they'll be gone soon enough. I've experienced some similar thoughts at times while running LTU.
