A little update. That was a false alarm Didn't turn out to be anything, I recovered during my rest days and continued the sub as it is without any problems. Except that all I did was resist afterward with many ups and downs.
In the past couple of months, I found myself sneaking into old mental habits and mental states I thought I had overcome. Needless to say, that was my first serious patch of resistance. I thought I'd overcome it if I keep listening to the sub as it is and do nothing special. But one week after the next, and the next, and I couldn't breakthrough. I switched to Ultrasonic from Hybrid in hopes that it would make any difference, but never had great results with Ultrasonic, and not this time around either. After what felt like banging my head against a wall, I stopped listening all together for a couple of weeks. For what it is worth, considered it the end of the journey when it comes to OF.
But the new year comes with new hopes. I thought I'd get going again, maybe the break helped. I downloaded Masked on my phone, headphones in, pumped up the volume by a click, and voila! A breakthrough, finally. Masked is technically the weakest version, but if it is helping me overcome resistance, I am not complaining.
I believe that the source of my resistance was/is the uncertainty about the future and the learned helplessness that can arise from it. I had planned to start my restaurant in 2020, but covid ruined any such plans. And 2021 is not looking too bright yet to endeavor on such a mission. And if I do go that route, I have to be meticulous about it. Also, have to sort out which part of my reasoning is based on fear and which part is not. But it's all unclear at the moment. I felt hopeless.
Ever since I started OF, I've been constantly updating what sort of life I want to lead. And I am very much aware of my tendency to always live for the future. To live for the next moment. But as long as I am executing, I do a splendid at not rushing through life, and not aiming for "glory" that I never need in the first place. But life is full of opportunities, and I want to go back to college to finish my studies, as it will open many more doors for me. But juggling the things I potentially want to do is tricky, and maybe not wise either to divert my focuses like that. I am keeping away from making a decision that I feel guilty about changing in the future and keeping my options open. I don't have to rush, and it doesn't have to be one thing or the other. But it's been great progress from feeling hopeless to exploring all these options.
I see that OF V2 is out, exciting! I'll save up for it and switch to it as soon as I can.
In the past couple of months, I found myself sneaking into old mental habits and mental states I thought I had overcome. Needless to say, that was my first serious patch of resistance. I thought I'd overcome it if I keep listening to the sub as it is and do nothing special. But one week after the next, and the next, and I couldn't breakthrough. I switched to Ultrasonic from Hybrid in hopes that it would make any difference, but never had great results with Ultrasonic, and not this time around either. After what felt like banging my head against a wall, I stopped listening all together for a couple of weeks. For what it is worth, considered it the end of the journey when it comes to OF.
But the new year comes with new hopes. I thought I'd get going again, maybe the break helped. I downloaded Masked on my phone, headphones in, pumped up the volume by a click, and voila! A breakthrough, finally. Masked is technically the weakest version, but if it is helping me overcome resistance, I am not complaining.
I believe that the source of my resistance was/is the uncertainty about the future and the learned helplessness that can arise from it. I had planned to start my restaurant in 2020, but covid ruined any such plans. And 2021 is not looking too bright yet to endeavor on such a mission. And if I do go that route, I have to be meticulous about it. Also, have to sort out which part of my reasoning is based on fear and which part is not. But it's all unclear at the moment. I felt hopeless.
Ever since I started OF, I've been constantly updating what sort of life I want to lead. And I am very much aware of my tendency to always live for the future. To live for the next moment. But as long as I am executing, I do a splendid at not rushing through life, and not aiming for "glory" that I never need in the first place. But life is full of opportunities, and I want to go back to college to finish my studies, as it will open many more doors for me. But juggling the things I potentially want to do is tricky, and maybe not wise either to divert my focuses like that. I am keeping away from making a decision that I feel guilty about changing in the future and keeping my options open. I don't have to rush, and it doesn't have to be one thing or the other. But it's been great progress from feeling hopeless to exploring all these options.
I see that OF V2 is out, exciting! I'll save up for it and switch to it as soon as I can.
