Just finished my v3a loops. Will most likely be my last until v3.1. I'd like to go completely sub-free, but I'm definitely copping MHS when it comes out and running it until v3.1 drops. How fitting that the sub urged me to play the hybrid at the LOUDEST VOLUME POSSIBLE today. I know that was extremely dangerous, but it's like my subconscious knew I'd be off DMSI for awhile and used this opportunity to drill through this bit of resistance that I'm experiencing today.
Gotta say, it's been quite a ride. I've experienced some very interesting blatant changes, and TONS of subtle changes that I still can't quite put my finger on. It did some major "under the hood" clearing.
Interestingly enough, despite the power of this version, it's also been the version that I had the LEAST amount of sexual activity on, despite the fact that it was manifesting beautiful women left and right -- almost to the point of exhaustion, where I wanted to just turned off my online dating profiles and hide. The clearing sent me into a hyper-introverted state where I had little to no interest in meeting women.
For the lurkers, potential buyers -- DO NOT LET THAT DETER YOU. As my time with v3a winds down, I realize exactly what was going on.
Up until this point, my life has been defined by neediness driven by an inability to let go of the past and embrace the future.
v3a is ripping every bit of neediness (the most unattractive thing to women) and fear (the second most unattractive) from my very core. I'm a very independent person. I take orders from no one unless I know it'll benefit me (that's how I can deal with military service -- if it's my job to just take orders, whatever. Just pay me.) So imagine my surprise when I realize just how much neediness and fear actually exists within me. And not just from women. Thanks to DMSI, I realize that I also possess a deep need for validation from others. In one month, I've experience almost a complete turnaround, doing my own thing with little to no need to even talk to another person about my plans.
About a month ago, I wrote about a terrible darkness that existed deep within my psyche that was holding me back. After performing a number of mental alchemy exercises, I can safely say that v3a has eradicated much of it, with the rest going "into hiding" (best way I can explain it). I've battled with this thing my entire life. It has prevented me from achieving great things. I know that I have the potential to be something absolutely amazing if I could just defeat this darkness.
But thanks to v3a, I realize that this darkness was never anything more than a psychovisual projection of my worst enemy:
Myself.
Something else to blame for my failures other than MYSELF. Interestingly enough, I suspect that it's the personal responsibility module that eradicated this thing, as "personal responsibility" has become a major theme in my life. I'm starting to realize that no one -- NOTHING -- can stop me from success as long as I keep pushing forward.
I've found myself spending many nights alone, just dwelling on everything from --as HaveAtYe mentioned -- the nature of the universe and how it seems aggressively push for maximum optimization and growth. And that manifests within us as self-development. And I realize that I have been fighting against that universal urge, yearning for those carefree past days before I become "chaosvrgn."
But, that time is gone. It'll never return. I can't "unsee" what I've seen and experienced, but I don't have to let those things completely define my future. I can take what I have learned and use the knowledge to actively SHAPE what I want to become.
I realize that this was the mistake one of my favorite literary heroes. That he built his future based upon a lust for a past that was LONG gone and could never return. And I'll leave it to F. Scott Fitzgerald himself to explain it better than I could:
"And as I sat there brooding on the old, unknown world, I thought of Gatsby’s wonder when he first picked out the green light at the end of Daisy’s dock. He had come a long way to this blue lawn, and his dream must have seemed so close that he could hardly fail to grasp it. He did not know that it was already behind him, somewhere back in that vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the republic rolled on under the night.
Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter—tomorrow we will run faster, stretch our arms further... And one fine morning—
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."
This is chaosvrgn, signing off on v3a.
Gotta say, it's been quite a ride. I've experienced some very interesting blatant changes, and TONS of subtle changes that I still can't quite put my finger on. It did some major "under the hood" clearing.
Interestingly enough, despite the power of this version, it's also been the version that I had the LEAST amount of sexual activity on, despite the fact that it was manifesting beautiful women left and right -- almost to the point of exhaustion, where I wanted to just turned off my online dating profiles and hide. The clearing sent me into a hyper-introverted state where I had little to no interest in meeting women.
For the lurkers, potential buyers -- DO NOT LET THAT DETER YOU. As my time with v3a winds down, I realize exactly what was going on.
Up until this point, my life has been defined by neediness driven by an inability to let go of the past and embrace the future.
v3a is ripping every bit of neediness (the most unattractive thing to women) and fear (the second most unattractive) from my very core. I'm a very independent person. I take orders from no one unless I know it'll benefit me (that's how I can deal with military service -- if it's my job to just take orders, whatever. Just pay me.) So imagine my surprise when I realize just how much neediness and fear actually exists within me. And not just from women. Thanks to DMSI, I realize that I also possess a deep need for validation from others. In one month, I've experience almost a complete turnaround, doing my own thing with little to no need to even talk to another person about my plans.
About a month ago, I wrote about a terrible darkness that existed deep within my psyche that was holding me back. After performing a number of mental alchemy exercises, I can safely say that v3a has eradicated much of it, with the rest going "into hiding" (best way I can explain it). I've battled with this thing my entire life. It has prevented me from achieving great things. I know that I have the potential to be something absolutely amazing if I could just defeat this darkness.
But thanks to v3a, I realize that this darkness was never anything more than a psychovisual projection of my worst enemy:
Myself.
Something else to blame for my failures other than MYSELF. Interestingly enough, I suspect that it's the personal responsibility module that eradicated this thing, as "personal responsibility" has become a major theme in my life. I'm starting to realize that no one -- NOTHING -- can stop me from success as long as I keep pushing forward.
I've found myself spending many nights alone, just dwelling on everything from --as HaveAtYe mentioned -- the nature of the universe and how it seems aggressively push for maximum optimization and growth. And that manifests within us as self-development. And I realize that I have been fighting against that universal urge, yearning for those carefree past days before I become "chaosvrgn."
But, that time is gone. It'll never return. I can't "unsee" what I've seen and experienced, but I don't have to let those things completely define my future. I can take what I have learned and use the knowledge to actively SHAPE what I want to become.
I realize that this was the mistake one of my favorite literary heroes. That he built his future based upon a lust for a past that was LONG gone and could never return. And I'll leave it to F. Scott Fitzgerald himself to explain it better than I could:
"And as I sat there brooding on the old, unknown world, I thought of Gatsby’s wonder when he first picked out the green light at the end of Daisy’s dock. He had come a long way to this blue lawn, and his dream must have seemed so close that he could hardly fail to grasp it. He did not know that it was already behind him, somewhere back in that vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the republic rolled on under the night.
Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter—tomorrow we will run faster, stretch our arms further... And one fine morning—
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."
This is chaosvrgn, signing off on v3a.
