It's interesting, sometimes I feel these programs direct me to do a certain thing to get a reaction which triggers something in me.
I had an urge to post a speech I did about masculinity on a dating group, I did the speech like 3 weeks ago but suddenly felt like posting it. And it was declined for the bullshit reason of 'it might offend people'.. seriously.
I told her what I thought when I got a message saying it's not appropriate. And yes there are other posts about this on the group and from the other side too, but most of them are pc kind of crap.
And it set something off and I got angry and it's like it broke through something so I went to posts there i'd seen that had annoyed me that I was like 'oh nah, I can't be bothered with the argument' and started telling them what I thought. So looks like i'm not part of the group anymore and it really pointed out their hypocricy.
Anyway, went to my friends house for a mens group we do, turns out he went camping. I knew that but didn't realize he was going so early in the week, I only knew when a girl we're friends with showed up as she's feeding his cats.
This is slightly awkward, a year ago we almost had a thing, she really seemed to trigger my abandonment issues and I got really needy with her and in the end told her "I can't promise a relationship" because of her kids basically (I don't want to inherit several kids) and I lost interest.
Well then my friend met her and the same thing happened, sadly he's been manipulated a bit and i've told him several times but he's kind of all in. she's pregnant at the moment to the guy she's living with, alot of weirdness around that too but I won't expand more.
Well I legitimately stopped being interested in her after we had the thing, but tonight I was feeling it and wanting to flirt, but kind of feeling weird and awkward.. though talked a bit and I come in and sat on the couch. Not that anything could happen anyway as she had 2 of her kids there. But it seems UH since it's stirring up these same issues that lead me to neediness with her may be bringing this up.
So from the outside I can perfectly see and tell my friend that he's getting to far into it, being really needy, that she isn't suitable for a relationship because of alot of her bs.. but that doesn't stop me emotionally from suddenly being attracted and wanting to fuck her again. Of course I wouldn't want to risk my friendship with him, funny we met her independently and i'd told him about her before that but he didn't know who she was when he met her and I didn't mind as i'd said no to her.. but still that doesn't stop the attraction.
Something about her and I guess her own issues obviously really triggers guys who also have abandonment issues. As I also momentarily kind of went all in with her back then too.
Eh and now I went and read all of our messages and i'm feeilng more down. I'm comfortable socially as i've said now, even around girls now.. but it seems that in the last few years i've lost alot of my ability to flirt, take the lead and such.. obviously due to trauma and issues from what i've been dealing with. Sometimes it'll occasionally kick in, like reading my messages to her it was very flirty from both sides, but that just seems to happen very occasionally.
I had an urge to post a speech I did about masculinity on a dating group, I did the speech like 3 weeks ago but suddenly felt like posting it. And it was declined for the bullshit reason of 'it might offend people'.. seriously.
I told her what I thought when I got a message saying it's not appropriate. And yes there are other posts about this on the group and from the other side too, but most of them are pc kind of crap.
And it set something off and I got angry and it's like it broke through something so I went to posts there i'd seen that had annoyed me that I was like 'oh nah, I can't be bothered with the argument' and started telling them what I thought. So looks like i'm not part of the group anymore and it really pointed out their hypocricy.
Anyway, went to my friends house for a mens group we do, turns out he went camping. I knew that but didn't realize he was going so early in the week, I only knew when a girl we're friends with showed up as she's feeding his cats.
This is slightly awkward, a year ago we almost had a thing, she really seemed to trigger my abandonment issues and I got really needy with her and in the end told her "I can't promise a relationship" because of her kids basically (I don't want to inherit several kids) and I lost interest.
Well then my friend met her and the same thing happened, sadly he's been manipulated a bit and i've told him several times but he's kind of all in. she's pregnant at the moment to the guy she's living with, alot of weirdness around that too but I won't expand more.
Well I legitimately stopped being interested in her after we had the thing, but tonight I was feeling it and wanting to flirt, but kind of feeling weird and awkward.. though talked a bit and I come in and sat on the couch. Not that anything could happen anyway as she had 2 of her kids there. But it seems UH since it's stirring up these same issues that lead me to neediness with her may be bringing this up.
So from the outside I can perfectly see and tell my friend that he's getting to far into it, being really needy, that she isn't suitable for a relationship because of alot of her bs.. but that doesn't stop me emotionally from suddenly being attracted and wanting to fuck her again. Of course I wouldn't want to risk my friendship with him, funny we met her independently and i'd told him about her before that but he didn't know who she was when he met her and I didn't mind as i'd said no to her.. but still that doesn't stop the attraction.
Something about her and I guess her own issues obviously really triggers guys who also have abandonment issues. As I also momentarily kind of went all in with her back then too.
Eh and now I went and read all of our messages and i'm feeilng more down. I'm comfortable socially as i've said now, even around girls now.. but it seems that in the last few years i've lost alot of my ability to flirt, take the lead and such.. obviously due to trauma and issues from what i've been dealing with. Sometimes it'll occasionally kick in, like reading my messages to her it was very flirty from both sides, but that just seems to happen very occasionally.
