EPHRA 4.0 Journal

[THolt]

Nausea is a pretty good sign that someone somewhere inside you has to face a deep, very intense fear.  It means you're working with your basic and primal fears now.  That's actually good news, even if the process isn't necessarily fun.

@Shannon

The nausea has cleared up but I still have some tiredness. 

I guess my switch to the hybrid format was a good one.

[THolt]

Today I noticed I woke up almost right after my loops stopped. Around 5AM or so. I went back to sleep for several hours and didn’t wake up until almost 10 or so.

My anxiety is worse today. I feel like something bad is going to happen. A strong sense of dread. E4 is apparently digging some crap up I have to deal. Likely some fear standing in the way of the programs goals.

[THolt]

Today is the last day of my cycle. Tomorrow begins my 3 day rest period. During this listening cycle, I have felt a lot of anger and feelings of unworthiness. Mainly over how was I raised and my conflict with my parents. I have always felt like an outsider in my immediate family. I feel like my step siblings have gotten more praise than I have. I live on my own now but listening to E4 has brought back some uncomfortable feelings.

One thing I have done while listening to E4 is that when I get angry, I usually deal with it my running or working out. It's almost like I purge those negative emotions by physical exercise. Very interesting

In a couple weeks, I will have been on E4 for around 3 months. I probably will do another cycle once I finish this in May. I will run the program until E5 comes out or another program. I have to say at times it feels like this program is not doing anything until I realize all of the subtle progress I have made over the past 3 months. Looking forward to see what this program does next year.

[THolt]

Today is the beginning of my 3 day break. Felt somewhat tired today but not as tired as I did a couple weeks ago. I am still wondering if the program is doing anything underneath. I think this is my subconscious trying to get me to stop running the program.

[THolt]

@Shannon

Today I start my new ASRB2 cycle but I realized I took a 4 day break instead of a 3 day break. Will that create a big problem? This is my first time doing that during my E4 run

[Shannon]

@Shannon

Today I start my new ASRB2 cycle but I realized I took a 4 day break instead of a 3 day break.  Will that create a big problem? This is my first time doing that during my E4 run

Just do your best to not make that mistake again, and keep going.

[THolt]

I have noticed this cycle that the exhaustion has returned. Last cycle I couldn’t go to sleep. Now I am sleeping a little bit longer than I normally do. Today I slept a long time and I have been fatigued all day.

Memories of past experiences have been popping up. Nothing super traumatic. Just minor insults but left a lasting impact. Also Feel like I am starting to sort through this stuff. I was heavily criticized growing up. If I can get thorough these issues, that would mean more than having a lot of money.

[THolt]

So last night I had a dream where I got sick and vomited. I don't think I have ever had a dream like that before. It was so vivid. Even now when I think about, I feel a little queasy.
Another part of the dream was that I was wanted for a crime and I was close to being caught when I woke up.

I don't know what any of these dreams mean tbh.

[THolt]

I finally feel like I have turned a corner on E4. During this current ASBR 2 cycle, I feel less anxiety. I have been sleeping good. I feel emotionally centered and not a lot of insecurity. I think I have been making progress since I started E4 back in September but I never noticed until I sat down and thought about it.

Can't wait to see what I will be like in May when I finish my first run of this program.

[Shannon]

I commend you for using it for the full run. After all, that is how one gets the results.

[THolt]

So the past couple days feelings of not being good enough have surfaced. Overall I feel better than I did when I first started the program back in September. I have a ways more to go. I may end up running E4 another time to get the full impact of the program.

[THolt]

Also today I was insulted by a person I went to school with over the recent events that happened in DC.

Normally I would get mad but today it’s almost like I could care less. I simply brushed it off and kept on going with my day.

This has to be E4 and DRS doing its thing

[THolt]

So today I felt anxious and had moments where I was panicky. The last couple days I have been feeling down. In part because of staying at home all the time due to COVID but also I think the program is doing something.

[THolt]

Today marks 4 months since I have been on E4. It's gone by super fast tbh.

Things I have noticed recently:

- I have become more aware of the emotions I have particularly negative emotions. I have learned to practice mindfulness and to actually be aware of what I am thinking and feeling

- I have had periods where have I felt irritated and angry by seemingly everything. I assume its the program digging something up

-I have had some guilt come up with regards to things I have done in the past

-I feel like my relationships with other people have gotten somewhat better. It's hard to gauge since I haven't really gone out socializing in a year or so.

I am looking forward to the next four months. I more than likely will run E4 for another 8 months even though I am tempted by UMS 2.0